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cannot struggle anymore

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by abinayamadhavan, Sep 6, 2013.

  1. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    Ladies,

    I have no more courage to live, no more reason to live.

    Yesterday evening I went for my husband's cousin's reception. I took my dad and sister forcefully there who have come to my house just for 2 weeks. My Il's have bought a blazer for my 8.5 months old boy for the reception. Because it was very big(suits or a 3 year old) I dressed him up in a shirt and pant.

    We reached the function hall and I was speaking with the relatives there. At this time FIL has shouted at my dad infront of relatives asking why didn you dress up the baby in the dress we bought? DAD told it was so big, that's why. FIL has told if its big also you pin it up and etc.... shoutings.. dad became upset, bcoz all relatives were looking up at his face.

    I never knew this till dad told me after sometime. I cried at the spot and didn know what to say. I wanted to die. Dad told because I am staying at their house he treats me so. I wanted to jump from the top of 50 storeyed building. Tears did wet my face running all through. Later we reached house around 10 Pm.

    Mom has called me and I told her of the matter. She felt bad and called my husband and told him we have spoiled our daughter's life by marrying her to you. AFter the call, Husband came and asked my dad what happened, what did my parents say, but dad refused to say. He didn't narrate it till the end.

    Immediately husband said its wrong only. I can't ask them, even if i ask, they won't accept the mistake and fight with me. Then he started complaining about me to my dad saying that I am not fit for him. I have a bad character.

    Parents are torturing him fro m one side and I from the other side. And lots of complaints.

    After this incident, husband spoke normally with his dad and others, but doesn't speak with me. I also don't mind much.

    But now I feel that, Because for my life, my dad is pleasing my evil minded filthy inlaws who feel that they are from a royal family.

    I now live only for my son. My FIL wants to separate my son from me. I feel if i die my parents will cry for some months and after that they will be happy. My husband need not have to go through any torture because of me or his parents. Inlaws also can spend their son's money however they wish.

    ONLY MY SON WILL BE MOTHERLESS. But god will take care of him as well. I have no courage to suicide leaving my son so. He always searches for me. He is my sweetheart.

    How can I make my husband understsand my pain?? won't he understand at all.
     
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  2. justchill

    justchill Bronze IL'ite

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    hey... are u mad... talking of suicide and nonsense...

    its ok to feel depressed and sad.. but why r thinking suicidal...

    face the situation head on, sweetheart.. this is not the end of road for u...
    Ur Dh is reacting like that because he knows his parents are wrong and he cant do anything about it.. so he is taking his easy frustration on u..

    But why is ur dad taking this nonsense.. YOur ILs didnt do any favor by marrying their son to u..

    Take a deep breadth and review the situation.. it'll be better if ur dh is on ur side rather than on the opposing side.. it would have been better if u had conveyed the matter to ur dh rather than ur mom.. now he'll go on teh defensive mode.. since ur parents complained about his family, he'll complain about u to them..

    calm down.. and think with relaxed mind...
     
  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    personally,i feel you made big issue about something very small........if your FIL shouted at your dad then it shows FILs charatcter so why worry how he presents hmself in fron t of people......also ,Iam sure your dad is able to fight his battles without any help from you.........

    more the people you involve in your married life more the trouble so try to concentrate on your hubby & son ......
    I don't understand why your mom had to tell your hubby that he is spoiling your life when he did not even knew about the issue.......i feel rather rude to say such thing to your hubby.

    lastly,life is precious & its a gift from God.......when you even think about suicide you are giving pain to God so don't think on those lines & remember its upto us to make our life hell or heaven & our thoughts play a very important role.............learn the mantra of forgetting & forgiving to live peace full life........forget what people say to you & if you can't be genereous & forgive them.
     
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  4. positivegal

    positivegal Gold IL'ite

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    You are in severe depression abhinaya, you need counselling ASAP
     
  5. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    Honestly I have no courage of suciding. I felt so because of the pain. Speaking about these problems with hubby is waste of time. He will just stay calm.

    I have gone to that house trusting him. He has to defend me if somebody shoots me. But he stays calm and listens to his parents. What am i supposed to do.
     
  6. pranatim

    pranatim Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont ever think about committing suicide. Cowards do that act and you are not. You have a son come on live your life and enjoy with your son. All these fights and arguments will be there in everyone's house dont worry this too shall pass. Be calm and think of god. Please try to meditate for sometime it really helps.
     
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  7. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    Mahajan,

    I agree what my mom did is wrong. She shouldn't have asked my husband so. So many times my mom has been insulted my inlaws infront of husband. He never reacts.

    Also I didn't battle for my dad. I cannot see my parents ill treated. There is no use of discussing about all these to my husband. Till now he has not spoken even a single word about the issue. He just leaves it.

    Instead he is angry with me and sulking that I didn't respect him. My husband never keeps any savings in my name because he thinks that I will give those money to my parents. But he is the one who makes secret transactions. Also my parents are well off and they don't expect anything frm anyone. My husband is influenced by my inlaws. Whatever they say he will do it.

    Once he told me even if my parents keep poison and ask me to eat i wil eat it without questioning. But why should I die for such inlaws. My inlaws never care about their son's life or happiness. I wonder why he is madly trusting me so badly. My MIL is already demanding the money in our savings account though she earns, FIL gets pension and we give a lump amount and take care of their bills grocceries medical expenses etc.

    Last week hubby has borrowed money from his friend and has given MIL. I knew it after a few days.

    I understand money makes everythin. What am i supposed to do with these kind of people.

    If i fight for something, he will say i am torturing him and he is gonna consume alcohol. I am dying everyday. Daily I undergo lots of insults and scoldings which I don't share with anyone.

    I never share my problems with mom. But this time I told her because tomorrow she is planning to come to my hosue. I can't see mom and dad gettting ill treated again and again. That's why i told them not to visit this hell. I told them whatever happens in this hosue let it end with me.
     
  8. daffny

    daffny Silver IL'ite

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    all relatives were looking up at his face.
    Tears did wet my face running all through


    everybody would have seen this and they will come to know how bad your in laws are. as it is your husband side function all would have been his side relatives. if anyone would have informed that to your husband that would have been better than this. what your mother did is completely wrong too. when a daughter cried a mother cannot keep quite. but i think you are away from your in laws. so try to manage once in a while meetings like this.

    try to take your husband to your side first. that is more important to your life.
     
  9. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    hi dear,
    you have made a big issue of something that could have been dealt with better. Instead of telling your mother, if you had spoken to your husband, even if he would not like it, at least it would not have escalated the matter like this. It is always wise to not discuss any issues with parents unless really serious. Your parents will automatically support you which means fighting with your inlaws. Naturally you cannot expect your husband to like this. It is better to ignore such behaviour from inlaws . It may be difficult but better than all round arguments, fights for silly issues. And, dont let suicidal thoughts enter you ever. Think positively of the future, take your own decisions instead of turning to your parents for everything. No husband would like to hear from his in laws they made a mistake in getting u married to him. This will only give rise to arguments and counter arguments from both sides. Develop your own interests, look after your child and be the master of your situation. You have very positive help from indusladies. Cheers!
     
  10. abinayamadhavan

    abinayamadhavan Silver IL'ite

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    no dear,
    Problem is we all live in the same house. we in the first storey and they in the ground. They take care of my little one when I go to work. Even in that I can't suggest anything. I have lost my life in theirs. No personal space
     

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