Help needed how to handle this situation?

Hi All,
Mine is love marriage. Its intercaste marriage. Both of our parents accepted and then we got married 8 months before. I am working in a private concern.

My husband has a elder brother who is working in Delhi. His daughter had some serious health problem and they came to chennai for treatment. Since its long term treatment (2 years), my brother-in-law's wife & 3 years daughter is staying with us. For first two months, the child was hospitalised and now discharged from hospital. The child is recovering well. My brother-in-law went to Delhi and he may get his transfer to chennai after a year or more.

Doctors strictly told that the child should be at home only not even it should go to school. You can admit her to school only at the age of 6. So, the child & her mother cannot go anywhere out.

Now, the issue is I feel hesitated to go out for cinema, restaurant etc. with my husband. My husband also feels that his babi is not with her husband and her daughter is also sick; in this situation how we can go out & enjoy. I can understand but If its for short duration, I may not worry but its for 2 years approx. We are newly married and would like to enjoy this moment.

Sometimes I feel irritated as we enjoyed a lot in the first 6 months. Also, I feel guilty sometime that why am I considering my happiness when the child is sick.

Do I need to change myself not to expect going out with my husband.

How can I handle this situation? Help me friends.

hi shashikalai,

yours is a very genuine reason. since you are newly married, the happy moments you spend in knowing each other, going out are all great memories which you would cherish later.

are you staying with your in-laws? if so, your husband needs to talk with your parents. i know it is pretty delicate.

your co-sister has a child and she should be knowing your wantings.

what i would say is - do not show your irritation as you are new to the family. the first impression is the best impression. once we get into a family we are committed to face all these problems.

now your husband is your main tool. make him understand what you feel and get your things done through him.

Hmm Indeed a tricky situation.

This is what I would do. I would talk to SIL in a way that she must be getting tired all day by herself and she needs some time away from the kid too. How about ocne in a while you take her out to watch movie or something. During that time ur husband can be with kid. And once you start doing it, do it once in 2-3 weeks. Mention lightly that since its your first year of marriage, you would like to go out with hubby more often. Wait for her reaction, take a pause. And once she says oh yes! you guys should go out. Since its for long term.

I am sure your Sil will get the clues. And then you and your husband can go out on week 1 & 3, take SIL out on week 2 and stay home on week 4. I hope this will balance out things..
Ria

Thanks a lot vanaja & ria.

Vanaja, my fil & mil are not staying with us. But, that I should get good impression from my family people and will act accordingly. Thanks for ur immediate response.

Ria, you have given me a very . I will take my cosister somewhere out.Your idea will really help me and I feel very much relaxed now. Thank u so much for ur valuable suggestion.

Thanks to IL for this.

Hi,

Better look out for her husband's transfer and tell her that you can find a better home once he get transferred. I hope she will understand the inner truth in your words and oblige.

Regards
Poojs

sashikalai.. the answer is within you..

you want short term happiness or long term ;)

your hubby is not going to go anywhere and same with you.

This is an opportunity thats very golden for you to prove to your husband(who is now seeing you as his family person and not that lovely girl he used to date) and all the family members that how considerate and caring you are.

Also this is very genuine reason that a daughter is sick and their parents are trying to help/save her.. Wont we go miles to do the same? think for a second as mother and u are in your SILs shoes.. when someone thats a family member thinks more about their fun rather than the serious situation
?? what would think of them??

So dont worry.. always you can romantic getaways in life.. but situation to help others. not that many... try to have romantic adventures over fone in your bedroom for a while... may be this waiting period will make you both wild and wait for that time to go out and have fun right ;)

Originally Posted by shashikalai

Hi All,
Mine is love marriage. Its intercaste marriage. Both of our parents accepted and then we got married 8 months before. I am working in a private concern.

My husband has a elder brother who is working in Delhi. His daughter had some serious health problem and they came to chennai for treatment. Since its long term treatment (2 years), my brother-in-law's wife & 3 years daughter is staying with us. For first two months, the child was hospitalised and now discharged from hospital. The child is recovering well. My brother-in-law went to Delhi and he may get his transfer to chennai after a year or more.

Doctors strictly told that the child should be at home only not even it should go to school. You can admit her to school only at the age of 6. So, the child & her mother cannot go anywhere out.

Now, the issue is I feel hesitated to go out for cinema, restaurant etc. with my husband. My husband also feels that his babi is not with her husband and her daughter is also sick; in this situation how we can go out & enjoy. I can understand but If its for short duration, I may not worry but its for 2 years approx. We are newly married and would like to enjoy this moment.

Sometimes I feel irritated as we enjoyed a lot in the first 6 months. Also, I feel guilty sometime that why am I considering my happiness when the child is sick.

Do I need to change myself not to expect going out with my husband.

How can I handle this situation? Help me friends.

Dear Sashikala
Talk to yr co-sister. Explain yr situation to her. She will understand.
I dont find this a big issue. If ur r feeling guilty, spend time with the child and play with her.
uma

dear sashikala

nandyshyam has given u the right advice....well u can go out once in a while and at the same time i am sure God uwd bless u with everything when u help out the kid..more than proving ot anybody i am sure u wud get lots of self satisfaction...

lov
sowmi

Hi Shashikalai,

Your wants and needs are perfectly acceptable. Please dont let anyone tell you that wanting to develop a bond with your husband during the formative years of the relationship is selfish.

It is a very sad situation with your SIL and her child. Different people react differently when they face such hardhsips. Some might be understanding to the needs of the folks surrounding them. Some might think that because they are suffering it is mandatory that everyone around them should also suffer equally or more. They might feel jealous that you are able to have a normal life when they are not. Such jealousy is not a good virtue, but we cant tell that to someone who is suffering.

You can try going grocery shopping during lunch and maybe you and your husband can have lunch together at that time. That would be a nice quality time to just sit and talk with your husband. Or maybe he can just meet you for a quick coffee anytime when you have to go out for shopping.

Also your SIL should take some time out for herself. You can take her out for coffee or lunch if you can get a reliable person to care for the child for a couple of hours.

Also you might want to get a second opinion from a doctor. It doesnt sound healthy to keep a child locked up in the house for two years. The child's muscular and skeletal development might be severly affected. If its dust that the doctor is worried about, you might be able to travel out by a car/taxi to a safe clean place like a good restaurant or museum. These options must be discussed with the doctor.