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I know it's none of my business but....

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013.

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  1. May 15, 2013 #1
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Some issues with my in laws....

    1) My mil is planning to sell fil's home and buy a house for her unmarried son...she is planning to give some money from the proceeds to sil but none to my hubby and another son...that son is estranged from her...as for my hubby, she feels we are doing well...hence we don't need...I feel bad about this and so does hubby but he doesn't show...sil is divorced..

    2)Whenever we bring mil, sil and sil kids out on weekend getaways to malaysia...sil does not even change money...she makes mil spend for all her and her kids' needs though she is working....my hubby pays for food and petrol...I feel frustrated about this bcos I feel she is using mil and us...being divorced is not the end of the world right...why is her entitlement so much..I'm not working at the moment...

    3) When we are out with them, my husband belittles me and humiliates me..they all laugh and I feel v frustrated..l refuse to go out with them after the last weekend...I told him the same and we had a big fight...he said I don't respect him..yeah right..respect begets respect..

    4) They all dress modern, but he expects me to wear the hijab and I feel so odd and left out....my niece even made fun of me..I just told him how I feel and refuse to go out with them anymore. This time I mean it...

    I just feel so down...am I right to think this way or is it none of my business (no 1 and 2)...do i just have to accept it?
     
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    #1
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  2. May 15, 2013 #2
    internet

    internet Silver IL'ite

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    Marital bliss,

    I feel your MIL giving some money to SIL is okay, considering your SIL marital status and her kids. I would say accept 1 and 2, but never 3 and 4. By accepting 1 and 2 you are creating a peaceful atmosphere in the house and you deserve to be respected for your kindness.
     
    internet, May 15, 2013
    internet, May 15, 2013
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  3. May 15, 2013 #3
    Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    1- Accept 1 (no other go).
    2- Talk directly to sil and ask for her share of expenses. This cannot go on forever.
    3 and 4- put your foot down.
     
    Anitap, May 15, 2013
    Anitap, May 15, 2013
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  4. May 15, 2013 #4
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Internet.
     
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
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  5. May 15, 2013 #5
    revathib

    revathib Bronze IL'ite

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    I think for the point 1 & 2 also u can let them know your husbands view... but cannot force them by any way...
    some times husband's bully on wife in front of their people is their play (see i am keeping my wife in my control style) but just ignore or give back with a smile... u dress in a way u like and say in front of them that he likes only this way and put fullstop to this matter ...be assertive than agressive...
    revathi
     
    revathib, May 15, 2013
    revathib, May 15, 2013
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  6. May 15, 2013 #6
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Anita, mil hinted many times to sil to change money so she can buy stuff but she simply refused and expects mil and dh to pay. I feel the only way is to stop going out with them so I don't have to see all this...
     
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
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  7. May 15, 2013 #7
    monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, let go the no. 1 and 2 issues. You can not and should not actually make an issue of it. But you should not let them humiliate you. Stop going out with them.
     
    monita, May 15, 2013
    monita, May 15, 2013
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  8. May 15, 2013 #8
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes this is exactly what he is doing cos I don't have any such problems when just me, him and kids go out...I just lost it and told him to shut up in front of them and he got really pissed...when we came home..big fight..
     
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
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  9. May 15, 2013 #9
    MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Dressing is actually he told me to...after I started wearing hijab, I feel good about it..but feel frustrated when pple make fun of me. I feel like taking it off..but how to...afraid pple will talk..
     
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    MaritalBliss, May 15, 2013
    #9
  10. May 15, 2013 #10
    Onesweetlife

    Onesweetlife Gold IL'ite

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    You are right. 1 and 2 need not eat your head.

    Stand up for yourself on issues 3 and 4. Toleration and acceptance of this issues will do no good for your married life in future. It will eat the peace of mind.

    Dont feel let down. Hope you will start back your career soon . It would definitely bring some positive changes.

    All the best. My prayers for your happiness.

    Cheers
    Sweetlife
     
    Onesweetlife, May 15, 2013
    Onesweetlife, May 15, 2013
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