What is the reason why brides can't adjust with in-laws?

Adjustment has to come from both sides.

Many PILs tell the DIL "This is your home now." and then treat her like an outsider when it comes to decision-making, talk behind her back to relatives etc. She is expected to give priority to her PILs over parents.
And the differences in treatment of son-in-law and DIL, favouritism between DILs, insulting her parents etc.

Many a time the husband/son is the silent spectator/culprit and does not stand up for his wife.
If she stands up for herself she is labeled as "strong-headed" creating a rift in the family, separating the son from his parents etc.

 

Agreed, adjustment has to come from both sides.

 

Also not giving personal space to DIL's if its not affecting in-laws in any way. Like for example my in-laws say that in order to live in their house I have to obey them as they don't like my going out, doing a job, meeting people, driving, wearing dresses of my choice though they are very normal and sober etc.etc. In-laws will decide as to what I like or not like and what I have to do even in my personal life which is not affecting them in any ways. In order to live in their family they will decide for me and the things which they don't like (though it is not affecting them) I have to do that only. No wishes of my own!!!!!!!:drowning

 

Personally I feel your question only is wrong and prejudiced.
Why do you ask what is the reason why brides can't adjust with in laws?
I think if two people can't adjust only one can't be blamed, why should only brides be expected to adjust????

 

Totally agree with cutemonster. If your intention behind this post was to "understand the psychology", your question should have been, what can in-laws do to make the bride feel at home in her new house.

 

in short the bride is the new member in the family.they see her actions,words with magnifying glass...problem is with judging everything she says or does all the time and since the family (excluding her) is a team,there will be silly discussions/gossip about how lil/more she eats,what she is wearing,how she is sitting/standing in front of Father-in-law,how she walks everything basically.

if she wants to make a change in her own bedroom,she is made to feel like she has no right to do so...eveywhere it is the ssame but the intensity differs and their behaviour (ill) or disapproval is not so obvious to others/outsiders.sometimes even the husband does not know all this cos we,the new brides do not want to make the ill-behaviour main focus instead in order to make a bful relationship,we avoid talking about the ugly things happening around which he may have never noticed.

 

the answer to your question in in the subject line itself...

"Adjust"

She is expected to "Adjust" to the new home... lose her own personality...and bend backwards to make everyone at the new home accept her...on the other hand .. no one will even try to make her feel at home... try to learn what she likes and dislikes (remember the girl is not even asking to fulfill her wishes..just trying to know her better thats all)...

 

What is your opinion Op?