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This is a bit long post , but I seriously require advise
I am professional girl with modern outlook
My in laws are too traditional, my marriage was in a arranged setup with my husband.
>> we are in Mumbai and in laws in delhi. In the first year of mrg they insisted on my coming down for every festival which meant staying away from my husband. I left my job in delhi to adjust with husband and assumed these visits would satisfy my in laws and lead to a healthy relation with my husband. But my MIL starting complaining to her clan that I do not work. Her routine includes the dusting and cleaning the complete house frm morning till 3 pm, which according to me is unnecessary to be done daily. I adjusted thinking it mgt improve my relation with my husband, but my MIL said – “ why did u cm for festivals- u cud have refused and u were not cooking food for me. So u have not sacrificed anything”. I was dumbstuck at this; always my FIL used to tell DH, please tell her to come – everyone will ask her thn what will I say and now this lady just reverses her answers.
>>I have always been professional and at a gud position in my career, when I kept a maid for cooking at my house in bbay she said “I felt bad because my son earns so much and I never kept a maid but u have”. I was badly hurt, because I left my job to be with DH, and was trying to adjust I new life, plus I on my salary was affording a maid thn why was I expected to compromise on tht when I had made it clear to my husband bfr mrg.
>> my in laws are monetarily dependent on my DH, he contributed lacs of rupees after our mrg when my MIL wanted t buy a house much beyind the means of her husband( my FIL was paying the rest amount against what he got frm his fathr as an ancestral distribution.)
>>his relatives taunt me trying to show of thr heritage, which is was lower thn what my family has achieved. I never retorted coz I thot they wud feel bad. But I inturn always was hurt.
>> whetever my parents do on festivals is always less for them. My MIL complains to my husband about what will she tell the reatives and all, while the truth is that his relatives are much much much below my parents position and neither they nor there relatives cans do as much parents do financially, but still my MIL complains
>> my mrg is 3 years old now and I have been working for 2 year now, I already am managing the house with office,while I spend 3 hours travelling my Mil still complains about my not celebrating the festivals and taking care of the house the way she wants ( tobe noted she is not even in mumbai)
>> I usually have fights with my husband which revolve around my complaining to him about his mother and he finally said tht we shud separate as he cnt listen anything against his parents
>> flg this my parents met them up and try to make em understand my point of view, but they have been adamant. They do not want to break the relation but are not ready to accept there mistakes. I told them that his mother’s involvement in our lives is spoiling our relationship, she started crying and no improvement still calls up my husband and tries to know the details of our lives
>> when I told my husband tht I do not wanna talk to her till the time things dnt iron out between us, he said he wud in turn not talk to my parents. Here I would want to highlight, my husband met with an accident and MIL did not turn up thn I had to call my mum. I was overburdened with work , my husband like the biggest dumb person on the earth insisted my mum not come and I manage on my own. He to this date doesn’t acknowledge my parents contribution.
>> in laws are from a traditional backgrnd where they always make me do things by saying “log kya kahenge”. DH is nt ready to acknowledge the fact that our family life was uprooted for a year because of his parents.
>> my sister in law is nearing 30, has never attended college, done all education thru distance learning and so she is not able to get agud match for mrg. Here too my FIL goes out and tells my DHs assets as his own and says tht we are rich and will spend any amount. The truth being that my husband has to arrange for the wedding with doing half of the contribution.
>> with my husband contributing in there finances, we have to make adjustments in our life here. I was ok with them if my MIL and FIL would give me respect for that. Or my husband wud stand up for me in front of his relatives. Nothing happened and I was depressed thn I though this mght continue all our lives hence I decided to go for higher studies. To which again my MIL had unpleasant things to say and meant tht I was nuisance creator and I wanted money and hence was gng for higher studies. She didn’t stop here , went and told all her relatives tht I did nt want to have a kid hence I am dng this. The truth is that I do not feel secure inthis relation to take the next step. Today I am alone I still separate after a kid it wud be impossible. The relatives in turn called me and a week before the exam I was harassed by with irrelevant questions
>> I am facing a multiple adaptability issue, at my house I am expected to forget my education, my achievements and bow down even to the people who have doen nothing in thr lives. While In office my profile demands tht I be smart and behave authoritatively, as I am a manager. My family life is spoiling my office already. I do not want this to happen, as that’s the things for which I have out in 12 years of my life and I gain my confidence bcoz of it. please help me regain myself .
>> I am upset, as my husband, doesn’t support me in matters.
PS: I am in problem, and I am looking for some advise. Please do not relate things here to ur life and give negative outlooks. I hope u understand that everything cnt be written down , I have tried to document few incidents. Please dnt bash me for ur personal reasons.