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manupilative mother in law, insensitive husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by barren, Jan 16, 2013.

  1. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Op,
    Don't change yourself for anyone. There is a difference between compromising and losing your identity.

    But it would be nice if you had chosen a different profile name.... This is not how you should see yourself. :-(
     
  2. barren

    barren New IL'ite

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    if i say nethign of this kind to her, she will go to her clan and tell each and everyone abt me misbehaving with her. abt asking parents for gifts she communicates everything thru DH. then we are bound to have arguments. DH always sides with him mum never beleiving tht she said nething so mean to me. how how how do i turn things around....i am so upset...i really really want to be in the happy space u are prihar. how do i do this.....please help me
     
  3. Stressfull

    Stressfull Silver IL'ite

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    Hello barren,
    u have done enough for gaining your inlaws, but they will never come out of false prestige and they never accept their mistakes. be in your self dont over do the things at the cost of ur peace. now you had two options.

    1.you have to be bold like advised by prihar and you must learn to tackle your mil on ur own, let her tell her relatives the bad things about you one day they will come to know the truth, if not also no problem because if ur mil says good things they r also people who will try to poison their mind.

    2. be deaf & dumb give a damn care for anything be on your own.
     
  4. barren

    barren New IL'ite

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    Hello ladies, please read teh discussions are reply.......please help me on this issue
     
  5. sumalb

    sumalb Senior IL'ite

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    Don't think much about all these, make yourself busy, if you are not working right now, look for a job.
    Idle mind thinks alot about such things. There are alot of useful things in the world.
    Ask your husband to respect your self-esteem. and tell him you are not against his parents or anybody, just that you want to have a happy life. If you and your husband think together, everything else will be fine.

    Mostly in a marriage if husband and wife has understanding everything else gets sorted.
     
  6. prihar

    prihar Senior IL'ite

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    Barren,

    Firstly, are you proud of your education and achievements or not? Aren't you proud that you being a girl working hard have achieved more than your DH,FIL could have? Common....those guys are men and you being a women are in a good position in a company earning well....Well, if you feel bothered about your in laws either getting jealous of your expensive stuff then you are not giving due credit to yourself...
    The first step towards getting this irritating feeling of being bothered by in laws jealousy is to take pride in your self....the day you feel you have done a lot more for others than they deserve and the day you feel that what you have has been given to you because you worked for it...that day you will stop getting irritated, angry n bothered by your in laws....
    Another thing, if you are (out of having pity for your dh's & his family situation) buying the more expensive stuff for him or for his parents then put a stop to it.....buy expensive stuff but for yourself....its only when the buck stops is when they will realize your value....particularly your dh....i've seen this happen...if you feel this would make you selfish then keep in mind you are doing this to keep yourself happy....n you have a right to be....ur happiness n your life cannot be controlled by your in laws n your dh...
    By getting upset, angry , irritated n bothered you are allowing your dh's family to affect your life and happiness -vely...you shouldn't do that...stop victimizing yourself..stand up for yourself....
    Regarding your mil's call....as i told you no matter what stick to not picking up or keeping the conversation to the min...as to intentionally make her feel that you are not interested in talking to her....

    Lastly, the best piece of advise I would give you is to strengthen your bond with your dh if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him..to do this...you would have to first stop getting angry or have any fights with him....if your fight with him he is going to go further away from you.....so just maintain your calm n just avoid any fights...I know its a difficult thing to do and we all feel angry but believe it is possible...i have done it....i took an oath not to fight with my husband regarding his family....that doesn't mean you shouldn't complain...you should complain but it should be an educated discussion not an argument...try to set goals...like 2 months or 3 months first and I swear you will see a change in your dh....
    engage with your dh in discussion such as business,IT, politics , social issues etc and you see how well you guys will connect...
    Plan a surprise trip with your dh...n don't tell anyone about it...not even your family....just go n njoy...
    If you want to change things...start small.....
    And BTW, MIL's are self centered when it comes to their son....but if you win your dh with love....this self centered lady will back off herself after seeing that her son now a husband.....(believe me I've seen this...n what a tremendous amount of joy it was to see this happen...lol)

    Regards,
    PRIHAR
     
  7. prihar

    prihar Senior IL'ite

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    Barren,
    Your MIL will never stop blabberring...to put a stop to this..about her complain you have to reply to her back...if she tells you the arrangement was not good...tell her it was atleast better than yours....if she complains about the gifts...tell her atleast we gave gifts...u guys only ask...reply to her smartly and in a strong tone n she will back off....I am not sure if you are being strong n stern enough infront of her...yeah it will spoil your mood...but just learn to keep your calm n move on to other things...
    Your dh won't scold your mil dear...he won't do that...stop having that expectation....he will only do that when he starts believing in you more than his mother n this can only be achieved through love over a period of time....its a common feeling among girls that oh we got married now n now our dh will protect us against anyone even if its his parents but thats not the reality...he will start standing up for you the day he starts believing in you....
     

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