My happy family ruined... What should I do..

My MIL was good before and we shared a very pleasant relationship. My MIL had three son and my husband started his career late. He was not earning well in the beginning and accordingly i and and my child get treatment at home. Where as my elder BIL was earning well and there wife and children get differ treatment at home. When my younger BIL got married, who too was earning high, my MIL took all my jewellery and gave to the young bride. She did not take anything from eldest DIL. I would like to mention that I stayed in the same city where my parents lives. Although, we pay regular visit to my MIL but she never like our paying visit to my parents house too. We invited many time to our home but she never paid any visit to my house although she paid visit to newly wed BIL who was also in the same city where we were staying. She constantly says bad things about me and my family to my husband. But as we were safe then, because we had not so much money and her concentrate was more on my other SIL. Me and my husband was never listened or admired at home. We were really happy in our own life.

Now me and my husband moved abroad as he got a very good job and we had good 13years. In these 13 years she never paid any visit to us inspire of inviting her many time. She use to make lame excuses one of them was I can't leave my tenant wife alone at home as her husband is in police and he has many night duties. Although with out her asking my husband started sending her some decent amount to her as i always believed that if mother got certain amount of money she will be happy. When I finished my studies here my parents came on my graduation. In the meantime my husband got a very good job and he reached at the top level in international organization. We shared this good news with MIL and she immediately asked his salary, as usual my husband did not gave any definite answer. This time my MIL decided to visit us in abroad. For me she was visiting her for the first time I gave silk bed sheet set, gold pendent and she did all the shopping for relative, distant relatives and distant distant relatives too. She was there with me for a month and everyday she want for shopping. We paid all her shopping expense. Some one gave a nice gold plated ceramic elephant she even asked this to take to her house. Which I gave her with good intention. Me and my husband were very happy at least she paid a visit to us. With in 2 month my eldest BIL demanded 1 million rupees from us to buy his flat.
Here comes twist in story, now my MIL started behaving very sweet to me and my husband. Out of love and respect for elders we also started paying good number of visit to my In- law. She slowly slowly she started pouring poison in my husband brain. I had full trust on my husband. i started seeing changes in my husband behavior. He started arguing with me on small matter. i can see in his eyes that love and affection are going. i could not understand his behavior I thought it could be midlife crises. Will go with time but it started getting worse almost everyday we started having big/small argument. Now whenever he visit my parents house, he always complains. During this time my MIL talked very sweetly with me. The things become so worse at a point that when I visited my ill father he never called me and asked me about his health. that time i was very busy in hospital and out of anger i did not call about his health. He called my sister husband and his other cousin said very bad things about me that I do not respect his parents ete etc. He too blamed me that I gave money to my mother for my father illness. I was just clueless. Then he freezes my credit card start giving me limited amount to run the house. And wanted to see all the detail of my expenditure. I was getting my hints who was behind all this. He started threatening me that he will divorce me. His exact word were "if my mother will say we will be together otherwise i will divorce you". i am shocked and felt cheated. He did not visit my parent house when my father expired. While talking to my MIL she mentioned that I am enjoying his money. You have fulltime maid you do not do any work at home, what else you want from him. My elder BIL also with my MIL. I come to know through phone call history.

I got very angry then and come to know who is behind this. I started blaming his mother directly. We had series to fight and after 3 months things are started coming to normal. Now For new year, he has gone to his MIL house and I am sure when he will be back again he is going to raise fight with me on any issue.
Now I feel that whole in law my husband are at one side and I left alone with my kids at one side. I failed to understand what they want from my husband by doing this. Sorry for the long post. Any suggestion..

 

I have two children and they also feel that their father behavior has changed. Actually my husband had artheritis and in in-laws did not mention this before our marriage. We really had bad time. In initial years he was very much occupied with his disease and it as very painful. He used to shout a lot when in pain I can easily undstand that. He was doing job that was more then enough for me. As a young family and his being new to the job I have to take charge of the family. I contributed to the family finance, shopping look after children, society (my husband is not at all social), their studies, handling them emotionally, Ka have to be their mother as well as father too. He could not do father job also as he could not talk properly, so he can't teach them cycling, he have fear from water so they could not go swimming, he has fear from height, so we could not go to many tourist places. Even if I try to take then he would say no out of his fear. I had no problem because I know he is occupied with his own dieasese and i had full trust on him. Athough out of frustration, i use to shout on him sometime because i could not handle many things at the same time. the i come to know that my daughter is also have some medical issues. she was also hospitalized 4 times during this time. He always says that as he could not take care of kids so I should take care of them. His job was also demAnding and frquent travels also. During this crucial time we did not get any support from my in-laws. Although my parents were supportive. I had to go to Europe for 3 months training, I asked my MIL to come and take care of kids , she refused. Then my mother came and she did not like it also.

Husband started taking alternative medicine from India. And started getting better. He got good joba and i too left my job. During this time he come to his family very close and my MIL had good time to brainwash. During his frequent trips to India whenever he used to to my house he always complained about me to my mother like she fight with me a lot, she is not taking good care of children. Many time my mother ignored it sometime when she mentioned I ignored it thinking that may be he does not like some of my ways.

Then when we started going India as couple, he started picking up fights with me. I ever wanted to fight in front of either my family or his family but he will pick up fight with me for any patty issue i.e why I go for haircut, why I went to that relative, if he accompany me to some relative house he will have big face. Bit still i did not pick up any fight with him when we go to his house. My always bring my mother in between and complain about me. Many times my mother send me to another room so that she can listen to his problem. She come to the conclusion that their is not any big issue and she smelled that he does not want to come at their house. Then one day when he was complaining about me my mother told him if you think that you are not welcome here and you feel that we could not make you and your family happy and properly take care of them then please start where you feel you are comfortable. I do not want these complain again and again and fight between you and my daughter.

He stopped talking with my mother, then I too limit my talk with my MIL too. My father fel ill and he was in ICU he wanted to see me. Unwillingly, he send me to India, I was taking care of him in the hospital and my husband did not call me although, I gave him call many times in a day. He never called and even asked me about my father health. I too did not call his parents too as I was in India he was expecting it. He took it as his parent insult and called my sister husband, his cousin. That I and not a good lady I always pick up fights, not taking care of his parents, I need only money etcetera.. His mother too called my aunts and spoke in same manner. When I returned from India I got shock of my life that he freeze my credit cards. He started giving me money on cash basis to run the house and took details of my expenditure. Whatever money spend in India he wanted to see detail of each and every penny. He even ask me how much money I gave to my mother for my father illness.
He was altogether different man now, he said I will divorce me why I did not called his other and the golden punch came when he said that if my mother will say I will divorce me. My father expired and he did not go inside my house although he went for funeral when I insisted. He did not let me go for his 13 day ritual. We really had big fight during this time and called his mother and complained about him but in harsh word. He said that I gave "galiya" to his mother.
Slowly and slowly, things started getting better but he continued talking with his mother in my absence.
Now he went to India for new year and again they will brainwash him and he will pick up fight when he will come back.

Sometime I feel that it happened after 15 years of our marriage. We had trust in marriage. It looks like as if we did not have that strong bond with each other that is why some one could interface between us.

Now I want our good relationship with my parents and also with his parents too. More over a health relation with him too.

 

Thank s for the reply.

Yes dear she gave it to another DIL. Because my husband could not contribute to the wedding expenditure as we could barely effort our own expenditure with 1.5 years old baby. That jewelley was given to me by her only. according to our culture jewellery is given by in laws not by parents. It become "stri dhan" means bride become the owner of that jewellery. Mine was with her only as I had no locker at that time. She took it with kid words like your FIL had retired not we do not have money to give jewelley so you give me yours. I

Yes, dear he demanded 10 lakhs rupees to buy flat. He must be thinking as if we have money tree with us. According to him, as they are three brothers if one need it other should help him because this is a family. My MIL also kind to agreeing with this. My husband became very tensed because he would also borrow money and then only he can give. Which was not right he became very tensed. But he could not say this to his brother out of respect. After seeing him in so much anger I asked him if I can talk with my SIl. I talk with her in fronton my husband in a very decent, respectful tone that we can't give.

According to me he must have got the idea that I control his finances too. I have a feeling that in coming time again there will be money demand from his side because he know that we both are not in a good terms and he was there with him during is so called "bad days".