confusion...please help.

rs123 · Nov 26, 2012

i have very doting in-laws. ours is a love marriage...so my husband is known to me since 10 years..we have a 2 year old daughter who is very supportine....yet i feel at times dejected and lonely...i am very confused as to what to do at what time..leading to all distress in life. I have had many bad experiences (like back biting) with my friends/relatives and hence have become more cocconed in my shell..i want to enjoy my life but dont know howi want to work but cant leave the kid at home. all the wfh options sems fallacy....most of alll lost confidence in em and others too.please help

Poonamk1 · Nov 26, 2012

Hi, Don't feel bad.. these feelings are common.. u need to learn how to deal with this.. u can find a suitable job for u.. during ur working hours u can keep ur kid to a good play school or day care.. if going out is not possible then u can take tuitions at home.. by doing this u'll hardly get anytime to think about what other people r saying about u.. Job/Tuitions will also help u in becoming more confident, independent and satisfied..
Good Luck..

rs123 · Aug 28, 2014

hello i think the problem has grown...... sending this...please help

A MOMENTARY LIFE

I am reaching out to all to ask for help……hey no donations.
We all must have heard live the moment……………life is full of moments,etc. I also used to be happy in little moments of life like if I found a butterfly with different colors I loved it, if any day my homework was not finished and the bell rang before my turn or when my mom used to cook my fav dish or when I used to get a appreciation from my music teacher….and so on. Life was full of these moments. I should admit right from childhood I used to consider myself as not so beautiful girl as I am bit tanned. But that feeling used to get overshadowed with the fact that I used to win in all the games like cyckling, four corners,cards, treasure hunts and that too with boys….i used to feel elated that time . (though it so stupid now)
I know by now u would have felt this girl was a very bubbly child and yes I was. I have a very nice family and also was or I can say even now too much pampered kid. I am yet at times childish…People mistake my child like stuff to childishness though….i hate it….but cant help it.
I grew into a not so confident but a happy go lucky girl .I lost my father at a young age but by gods grace my mom stood like a pillar for me. My bro also got married by that time and my bhabhi is a wonderful person. I at times feel if my father would have been alive, he would have got me married off soon and made my bhabhi as his daughter..she and my mom alongwith my bro gave and still give all the klove and support I need. My bhabhi gave me two beautiful presents my nephew and niece and I am termed as “the pampering bua” which is true as well.
Then times changed. I had some tini mini break ups with my boyfriends say that was my age of all this but then I had a group of my friends who used to come for all the chit chats…..i was termed as the problem solver and secret holder….i still have a lot of secrets of my friends hahahaha… I finished my graudation and did my PG dunno why.
Now the real problem comes….the things that I have done in my life like I used to be a good singer, dancer, playing outdoors was my passion ( esp. winning in cycle race). My education PG and then a computer course, loads of other varied degrees, had no meaning. I did not know why I did it and neither have I understood it now. Neither I know what to do now.I was working with a MNC and have done a pretty efficient work and then got a bit low (post a new joinee came in and my insecurities grew in)..I left because of two reasons…one being my pregnancy and other being my incapability to face my office….though the team used to and still have lot of respect for me. I joined a firm post a 4 year sabbatical but there also I failed as I did not why I joined. I left after a 4 month period..I feel I am outdated, not so confident and hence does not believe anyone (including my relatives, to be honest at times GOD) I feel life is momentary and why should I give it so much importance.
But then there is another side of me who still believes that my family needs me. I am an educated woman who can give back a lot. I feel responsible for my daughter’s future ( more so because I adore my mom and feel that I should be the same supportive mom to my daughter) I feel responsible to my in laws as they have me as their daughter who wants to take care of them when they will be old. I feel nobody can love my husband the way I do esp. nobody can take his nakhras..My bro and his family feel that if there is a problem just by talking to me things get settled….and above all my mom…though she still feels that I am childish and can’t manage a lot of things yet she needs me to just make her feel special as she is very special for all of us.
I am confused, diffident; insecured woman who is killing her prime time…a time when I know can do wonders. Yet no yoga or routine helps me. I feel neglected, dejected and unwanted at times, which is stupid. My mind just waivers with all my insecurities, But the best part yet I feel God has given the best gift to me and that is my life.
Please send me your comments as some nice words can change my world.

Librasun · Aug 30, 2014

Hi OP,

You seem to have a very supportive family from your parents side. You have not said much about your husband and you seem to feel robotic about looking after your ILs. There doesn't seem to be any real pleasure in doing so. Something must have happened after you got married to sort of, dampen your spirits a little. Maybe you did not / do not get the appreciation from your new family that you were unconsciously expecting and that makes you feel the way you do.

Do you think you could be suffering from post natal depression? Have you seen any counsellor and discussed your issues with them? If not please see one. They can help you with some strategies to overcome your problem to make you feel more positive about life.

supermom1 · Sep 2, 2014

I agree with Librasun, this seems to be postpartum depression, either clinically or due to lack of appreciation from the loved ones.
As girls and women, we are taught from childhood to take care of others and do everything possible for them. But after a while, we start feeling neglected and taken for granted. Trust me you are not the only one who feels that. Even I sometimes get that sinking feeling that I have lost myself, especially when I was on my career break 2 years back.
But you gotta take care of yourself before you take care of others.
Do things to boost your energy and positive thinking like exercise daily (this will help you get away from the house as well), go for long walks especially in the morning, sing songs loudly, get any part time or work from home job (doesn't matter what it is), go out all by yourself alone the whole day on a Sunday (do shopping, go to salon, get a massage, watch movies, have lunch). Spending time with oneself works wonders. Enroll in some hobby course (anything you love to do) .
Get out of this sadness girl, before it eats you up completely.