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  1. #1
    whatisaguytodo's Avatar
    whatisaguytodo is offline Senior ILite
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    Question Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad idea

    I need some female opinions.

    Background

    My fiance and I both live in the west but not on the same continent. Both of us have never lived in India at all. We are both Indians and it's not an arranged marriage. She's also my cousin but lets not get into how that happened. It just did, something I NEVER thought I'd do in my life. The girl I was dating before her was Chinese and I almost proposed. Marrying my cousin is something that I've never considered. It just happened. We only met each other when we were in our mid 20s for the first time.

    My dad's a jackass so my mother and sister live with me since I'm the oldest. My fiancee has dropped hints she wants her mother to come live with us. I really don't want this. There's enough space as it's a huge house, but her mother is the really pushy and opinionated and would be the MIL that everyone hates. My mother on the hand is one of those people who never gets involved in other people's business, because her MIL was a witch. I know my mother will never say anything or get involved with anything unless she was asked to. Also my future MIL has 3 other sons as old as me and her husband is dead.

    How do I handle this? I don't mind if we had to send her mother money and stuff but there's no way I'm letting her mother move in permanently. One because her mother is overbearing, opinionated and will do whatever she wants. I really doubt she's going to listen to me even though it's my house since she's my aunt. In fact I KNOW she's going to do whatever she wants without taking my wishes into consideration. So rather than be forced to be really rude eventually I'm going to head off the trouble by not letting her move in.

    What do the ladies think about this? How do you think I should handle this? I'd ask my friends but most of them aren't S.Asian and don't get the culture.

    Last edited by whatisaguytodo; 11th October 2012 at 10:36 PM.

  2. #2
    easygoing is offline New ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    You could try and explain your fiancee that she can very well take care of her moms needs with your help and support but its not a very good idea to let her move in right after marriage.Just tell her that, first few years of marriage is very critical for the relationship b/w husband and wife and that even the best of parents will have trouble adjusting with the new son in law or daughter in law, and so even the slightest of issues would get magnified and cause a tussle between the two of you. Tell her that after a few years maybe you can think of having her with you ie once both the families are comfortable with each other !


  3. #3
    whatisaguytodo's Avatar
    whatisaguytodo is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    But that would be lying. LOL! I don't want her mother moving in ever. Saying that would just cause issues later.

    Last edited by whatisaguytodo; 11th October 2012 at 10:54 PM.

  4. #4
    fencesitter's Avatar
    fencesitter is offline Gold ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    your mother will live with you after marriage?

    Not on the fence. Moving on

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    There's enough space as it's a huge house, but her mother is the really pushy and opinionated and would be the MIL that everyone hates. My mother on the hand is one of those people who never gets involved in other people's business, because her MIL was a witch. I know my mother will never say anything or get involved with anything unless she was asked to
    Ah...isnt this what pretty much every DIL here says....my parents are so sweet ...non-interfering ...but my PIL are devil.
    Its never that simple and even if this is true...u cant start off ur marriage with ...my mom is a nicer person than urs ...so she can live with me not yours. I see lot of issues ...rethink the proposal.

    The Arc of History is long but it bends towards Justice!

  6. #6
    poojachinoy is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    if you want your marriage to work,you both need to stay in a seperate house excluding both sets of parents and respective families....this should be the norm...both parents can be helped by financial strategical budgets.


  7. #7
    whatisaguytodo's Avatar
    whatisaguytodo is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Quote Originally Posted by fencesitter View Post
    your mother will live with you after marriage?
    my dad has a mistress so yes.

    Last edited by whatisaguytodo; 11th October 2012 at 11:35 PM.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    OP,

    Let your fiancée's mother move into your huge spacious house. You and your wife move out to a small cozy apartment. :)

    Make sure your phone number is unlisted. :)

    crazywriter likes this.

  9. #9
    whatisaguytodo's Avatar
    whatisaguytodo is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Quote Originally Posted by Rihana View Post
    OP,

    Let your fiancée's mother move into your huge spacious house. You and your wife move out to a small cozy apartment. :)

    Make sure your phone number is unlisted. :)
    i'll buy her mother a house in the country she's living in now if she agrees to stay there.

    Last edited by whatisaguytodo; 11th October 2012 at 11:41 PM.
    Saisakthi likes this.

  10. #10
    whatisaguytodo's Avatar
    whatisaguytodo is offline Senior ILite
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    Default Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Quote Originally Posted by poojachinoy View Post
    if you want your marriage to work,you both need to stay in a seperate house excluding both sets of parents and respective families....this should be the norm...both parents can be helped by financial strategical budgets.
    This would be ideal, but it's not going to happen.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rihana View Post
    OP,

    Let your fiancée's mother move into your huge spacious house. You and your wife move out to a small cozy apartment. :)

    Make sure your phone number is unlisted. :)
    I seriously would buy the future MIL a house where she's living right now if she'd agree to stay there.


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