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Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad idea

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by whatisaguytodo, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Why can't the ideal happen? Money is not a problem if you can afford to buy future Maa-ji a house where she's living.

    If your dad has a mistress, and you are the oldest, doesn't mean your mom and sis have to live with you. Mom and sis can live by themselves too.

    If fiancee is dropping hints, you need to bring out the topic into the open. Be clear about what you want - you both live with your mom and sis, and no chance of her mom moving in. It is up to her to accept it or not.

    While it might seem unfair that your mom/sis live with you, while her mom cannot, it is OK (though not ideal). Marriage is not everything always equal, rather it is give and take. If your fiancee agrees to what you want in this case, you will later agree to what she wants in some other matter. Perhaps honeymoon venue. :)
     
  2. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    If we were living back home it would be fine as my mother could live by herself but my dad sent everyone to N.America so he could spend more time with the mistress. My mother can't drive and you need to be able to drive over here. The public transit system is non existent.

    As for it being unfair, I would agree except the fiancee has said she wants to be a stay at home mom and isn't going to work. I really don't care either way since I make more than enough. Add to that I have to support her mother I think I should have one or two things my way.
     
  3. vvvvvv

    vvvvvv Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Talk to her. Tell her your concerns.
     
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  4. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    just because your fiance has a desi background,why is it expected of her to stay with in-laws?..i am sure the chinese woman would never have accepted that.

    anyways,if this is what your plans are better be crystal clear about them with your fiance.

    you can rent out a place near your mom and sis and stay separately,if you dont feel it to be too ideal.

    her mom can stay with her brothers (presuming them to be unmarried) and you both can help her monetarily,like how you should be doing with your mom and sis.
     
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  5. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Assuming that your mom is the silent non interfering type and mil is the problematic one....may be she is hoping to boss over everyone and rule your house :)
     
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  6. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad


    It's an 8000 sq ft house. The only way they are running into each other is if they want to. Besides I am literally home maybe 100 days a year. The rest of the time I'm traveling. And technically my mum and her aren't really in-laws. They are aunt and niece. Anyways why the hell not. I've got a cleaning service and if she wants to she can get a cook. The only thing she'll have to do until we decide to have kids is go shopping. Living in that house by yourself for the greater part of a year is lonely.

    As far as the Chinese woman is concerned it would have been both our mothers living with us. I'd known her since HS and then on to university. We'd known each other a long time.


    More along the lines of $$$. I know my mum is the silent non interfering type because of how she's brought us up. My grandma was a bitch...always going on about how my mother didn't know how to raise us and crap. My mother would never ever get involved in anything unless she was asked to by both myself and her.

    As far as getting a divorce, my mum is the type that believes in the whole till death do us part thing. She will never do it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2012
  7. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    I Feel sorry for your mom.
     
  8. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    It's my money. LOL! Besides she'll never find out. If the fiance wants to look through my finances she's more than welcome to but she'll never figure it out. I don't even know what my accountants do, since I have to pay taxes for all 3 countries for which I am a citizen of.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2012
  9. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    Well Mr.Hotshot you seem to have a lot of reservations against your fiancée. For a guy who has all figured out about life and stuff as such it shouldn't be that difficult. Sit down and have a talk with your fiancée and if you are going to let your MIL stay with you eventually ,lay down some rules.
     
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  10. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Fiancee wants her mother to live with us after we are married.I think it's a bad

    In other threads I have advocated double houses, but in your case I think you should buy an apartment house near a bus stop. Although frankly I consider this "I don't know how to drive" stuff a cop out perpetrated but a lot of women who love to be waited on.
     
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