Super-intruding MIL driving me Crazy!

Hi ladies...

I have a very weird situation. I have been married for 10 months and live with my husband in US. I stay at home. My widow mother-in-law lives in different city of US with her other kids, because of the weather there is more like India. Anyhow, the problem is my mother-in-law calls me 3-4 times a day and keep checking what I am doing, what did I eat, cook for myself and for her son, how is the weather in the morning, afternoon and evening, is it windy now, is it hot now, is it snowing, and she reports me back her full weather report 3 times a day. The same thing again and again. And then she will come start talking about anything...a topic without head and toe, for example... telling me about her chacha, uska bhua, uski nani, uska ladka, uski ladki, uski bahu ki bhua ki nani ki chachi ki...arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh. I have no idea...what does she talk even. Being a shy girl, I answer all her questions and listen to her 30-45 minutes, 3 times a day irrelivant talk day and night from past 10 months. Now its getting on my nerves. Infact I am praying to god, please our city's phone transmittor get burnt for good, so there are no more phones. These days I am sick..she still won't spare me. She will not realise that I need rest. I am going crazy . Infact..all day my ears are ringing and I am thinking all the time I will get a call from her any minute. I don't know how to tell my husband either, because he doesn't like anything I say about his mother. His nature is very senstive ( a typical husband). Please do not get me wrong my mother- inlaw is a good women otherwise except her obsession with phone and me. Please please...pleaseeeee help me.

My dear Amicable,

Chill out! I have a solution for you J

Just stop taking a few of the calls from your mil. Do you have caller id on your phone to screen her calls? If you don’t have caller id then get it. If not, let the call rollover to the answering machine.

Hey, don’t take this situation very seriously. I am not saying you should be mean to her, I know you don’t want to do that. And you shouldn’t. But instead of answering all the calls throughout the day just answer one call on some days, other days answer two of her calls. Give yourself a break. And don’t complain about this to your husband. You can handle it yourself.

I can understand your mil may be feeling lonely during the day. Usually elders who come from India don’t have a friend circle here and they cannot go out anywhere on their own. Their life is pretty bland and dependent. So she has her reasons to call you many times during the day.

But you have your reasons too to not take her call every time. If it is making you irritable then just avoid taking all her calls. Skip a few every day. You need to maintain your sanity too.

Hey, on a lighter note, you have a great sense of humor. Amicable, you had me in splits laughing about your sentence “In fact I am praying to god, please our city's phone transmitter get burnt for good, so there are no more phones.” I am laughing out so loud and so much that tears are flowing down my cheeks and my co-workers are asking me if I am okay!
Let me share a joke with you that I read somewhere. It is very relevant for this post and I hope it’ll cheer you up! J

Here it comes –
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "I spoke to your
wife...spoke to her on the phone for three long! hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison!

Chill out and have fun! And let us know if you were successful in your mission!

SS

Couple of things I'd do if I were in your position ...
- I'd say "Your son is calling, so I have to hang up"
- I'd go out to library, groceries or just browse the shops or get admitted to some college
- Start describing about your chachas, and nanis or teen bahuraniyas from Zee TV serials

I agree with SS. Just let her calls go to voicemail. Sometimes simple things work the best.

Ha ha .. I had a hearty laugh with Dude's suggestion..
Very Right ones Buddy! Keep them up

I guess Guys are more objective to solve such trivial issues. Take his suggestions. You wouldnot repent.

And yeah I must say, your own sense of humour is terrific. Like SS I also rolled out laughign about that telephone transmitter. You are one wise smart lady. I am sure you know how to straighten this.

Ria

Hi Amicable,

I understand how you feel. as SS has suggested skip some of the calls like one a day and 2 someother day. and be sure to have a reason why you skipped the call. if you are not prepared to say a reason for skipping, then you are into trouble. your MIL might(remember might, not for sure) take this to her son(your hubby). so remember to have a reason for not taking the call. Also tell the same thing to your hubby at the end of the day sayin amma/mil called and I wasn't able to take the call due to so and so reason, after that I got busy with work, etc, etc. This is for your safer side. if you skip a call and don't tell your husband and if it comes from u'r MILs end, then the whole story will turn in favour of her. so be sure to maintain whatever you do between your MIL and hubby.

I'm sure you will have some friends in your apartment or community. so go to their house and spend some time, so that you don't hv to attend phone calls. go for a walk, go to the library, do something for you. but at the same time, don't show off as if you are avoiding calls. give your MIL a call once you are back home, may be during the end of the day or when your hubby is back home, so that you have to talk only a little.

Cheers,
Malar

Originally Posted by Amicable

Hi ladies...

I have a very weird situation. I have been married for 10 months and live with my husband in US. I stay at home. My widow mother-in-law lives in different city of US with her other kids, because of the weather there is more like India. Anyhow, the problem is my mother-in-law calls me 3-4 times a day and keep checking what I am doing, what did I eat, cook for myself and for her son, how is the weather in the morning, afternoon and evening, is it windy now, is it hot now, is it snowing, and she reports me back her full weather report 3 times a day. The same thing again and again. And then she will come start talking about anything...a topic without head and toe, for example... telling me about her chacha, uska bhua, uski nani, uska ladka, uski ladki, uski bahu ki bhua ki nani ki chachi ki...arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh. I have no idea...what does she talk even. Being a shy girl, I answer all her questions and listen to her 30-45 minutes, 3 times a day irrelivant talk day and night from past 10 months. Now its getting on my nerves. Infact I am praying to god, please our city's phone transmittor get burnt for good, so there are no more phones. These days I am sick..she still won't spare me. She will not realise that I need rest. I am going crazy . Infact..all day my ears are ringing and I am thinking all the time I will get a call from her any minute. I don't know how to tell my husband either, because he doesn't like anything I say about his mother. His nature is very senstive ( a typical husband). Please do not get me wrong my mother- inlaw is a good women otherwise except her obsession with phone and me. Please please...pleaseeeee help me.

Hello again....Sorry couldn't post reply earlier. As I mentioned in my post that I have been sick alot lately due to morning sickness. I checked everybody's advice and tried to miss few calls of my mother-in-law, but thanks to my husband who has got me the Cell phone, so doesn't matter if I am at home or go out....my mother-in-law will find me from the hell even. And due to my sickness I am on bed rest.

Finally, I gave little hint to my husband, he said he will tell his mother not to bother me. But it never happend, infact now my mother-in-law is telling everyone that "I have depression", thats the reason I am avoiding her. My mother-in-law lives with a big family and been living in US for long time. Its not like she is new in country and no one is there to talk with her.

I am in my first trimester (terribly throwing up and complete food aversion) no help whatsoever and on top of that this torture from my mother-in-law. The last step all I can think to tell her directly to stop calling me, don't know how my other in-laws family and husband react if I do so. I don't want to get into trouble. My husband loves his mother dearly, I don't want to sound like a bad DIL.

Dear Ami,

First of all accept our hearty congratulation on being the family way.

Now you don't need to give any excuse for nopt taking the calls...even if she calls on the cell and as you mentioned that you have severe morning sickness...then just don't answer the call and then say that you were throwing up...or was feeling breathless etc. If your husband is aware of your sickness...then that will be good you can say mom had called but i was not in a state to take the call. specially the calls in the evening and then tell your husband to call and speak to her on your behalf and you pretend to be very sick.

Also when she calls start talking on topics that she may not like to discuss and like she does you go on talking eventually maybe the call duration may become less.

Instead of answering her queries or prying questions you aks counter questions...as to what she did what did she have...etc. etc.

I know sometimes we have to do things that we don't like...but if we don't be diplomatic, then it becomes difficult for us only and no one else.

Sons will always be sons...even if they are aware of their family weaknesses they will never admit it.

Warm regards
Roopa.

Hey A,
very funny indeed. When you take up her call, after a minute or two, say that you are feeling unwell and had to use the toilet. Act as if you are about to throw out. Do that many times and make her be on line for some time. Then act as if you are not feeling up to talking and want to rest. When you see her number, do not answer and later you can excuse yourself by saying you were in the toilet or something like that. If hubby is at hme when she calls, ask him to attend and tell her you are resting ater taking medicine. After sometime she may feel bored and cut out her calls.
Or best, take up her call and leave the phone and go off to another room. Let her go on talking.
Even all this she does not understand,then tell her gently that you are not able to take that any more.

Originally Posted by Amicable

Hi ladies...

I have a very weird situation. I have been married for 10 months and live with my husband in US. I stay at home. My widow mother-in-law lives in different city of US with her other kids, because of the weather there is more like India. Anyhow, the problem is my mother-in-law calls me 3-4 times a day and keep checking what I am doing, what did I eat, cook for myself and for her son, how is the weather in the morning, afternoon and evening, is it windy now, is it hot now, is it snowing, and she reports me back her full weather report 3 times a day. The same thing again and again. And then she will come start talking about anything...a topic without head and toe, for example... telling me about her chacha, uska bhua, uski nani, uska ladka, uski ladki, uski bahu ki bhua ki nani ki chachi ki...arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh. I have no idea...what does she talk even. Being a shy girl, I answer all her questions and listen to her 30-45 minutes, 3 times a day irrelivant talk day and night from past 10 months. Now its getting on my nerves. Infact I am praying to god, please our city's phone transmittor get burnt for good, so there are no more phones. These days I am sick..she still won't spare me. She will not realise that I need rest. I am going crazy . Infact..all day my ears are ringing and I am thinking all the time I will get a call from her any minute. I don't know how to tell my husband either, because he doesn't like anything I say about his mother. His nature is very senstive ( a typical husband). Please do not get me wrong my mother- inlaw is a good women otherwise except her obsession with phone and me. Please please...pleaseeeee help me.

Heard of CALLER ID AND ANSWERING MACHINES? Well, they are a life-saver in situations like this.

The small amount you pay for caller id will make your life less stressful. From now on, always check CALLER ID before answering the phone. Only take her phone calls ONCE a day (or ONCE in two or three days - whichever is better for you). At all other times, let the answering machine get it. If she asks why you aren't answering the phone, say you've made a new friend where you live and visit her during the day because you are bored staying at home alone the entire day! Or tell her you've joined some classes and are not at home most of the time. Or just say the pregnancy makes you tired and puts you off to sleep!

Maybe the other kids and their spouses work full time and leave her alone at home. So she gets bored and calls you. But you don't have to listen to the same things over and over and over again.

Congratulations on the pregnancy and good luck dealing with MIL!