Chetan Bhagat’s Article in TOI : Specially for Indian Women

Indian women includes "mother in law" too right?Imagine her plight and the stress she has to face someone just stole her raja beta from her,she's loosing her control over her son and family,she has to coach her dil to learn her family traditions,food blah blah.....:rotfl

Though I like your advices on how to have a stress free life,point is Indian women(includes mil too) are always going to be stressed until-

1)Man and woman are treated as equals in our culture and not just by law.That will mean total freedom to pursue their life they want to,be it career,education,the way to dress,to marry or not to marry etc.No fixed rules or duties that define role of a wife,everyone contributes equally to the growth of family.
2)Change in the definition of marriage-Marriage is the "beautiful union of a man and woman" and "not the joining together of two families."That means a man and woman should leave their household as sons and daughters and take on the role of husband and wife.Acceptance of this fact in both families is crucial.
3)People who ask/give ,encourage or demand dowry indirectly or directly should be given life imprisonment.A helpline service/complaint boxes should be set up by the govt to help women who face such situations.
4)Overall change in infrastructure,commute systems in the country that will help reduce time while travelling from home to office.Offices should be made more female friendly paid maternity leaves,creches,strict timing and compensation for working extra office hours.

Last but not the least ,stress is a factor that affects everyone irrespective of gender,both cultural and socio economic factors contribute to it.

 

No, no one even bothers to imagine their life without the women being at the right places and doing their jobs be it at home or at work. Responsibilities that Indian women take on themselves without complaining is unimaginable for women in developed part of the world.


A few decades back we were responsible for the smooth functioning of the household, which included all the responsibilities except earning. Waking up early in the morning to ensure there is enough water storage in the house for the whole day, to get the milk boiled and the home cleaned. Start preparing the breakfast and then wake up other people with their bed tea or any special needs or choices, cleaning, cooking, helping everyone to get ready for their jobs and ensuring that while doing all this we should not frown, we have to maintain an amiable smile on our face continuously. The one who earns is more respectable than the one who does everything else. After everyone else leaves home in the morning to a different environment, exchanging anecdotes with colleagues, laughing at their jokes and enjoying a few light moments other than the regular work, we women are still at home clearing the mess created by our husband and kids.


After ensuring that everything is at the right place for them to get it in the evening, we are there in the kitchen again to cook the meal. Day in and day out, with no public holidays or weekends we were just cooking, cleaning and arranging things to suit everyone’s need. We don’t get any bonuses as we can’t prove what extra effort did we put in to cater the needs of the guests. We don’t get promoted as we cannot prove how are we better than the rest. With no motivation, no claps and no appreciation, we just have to go on.


With years passing by, the girls after watching the lives of their mothers closely realized that mom didn’t get equal respect as my papa as she wasn’t earning but why don’t, we are not less than the boys in brains, sometimes we are better than them, and since this thought we started putting in efforts in studies and excelling there so as to make our career, be financially independent and prove to the world that we are not meant to just clean and cook, we can rise high and do wonders in the world.


We proved to be excellent in all the fields, there is nothing in the world that men can do and women cant. From laborers to rocket scientist we pushed ourselves in every field. We proved to be good teachers, doctors, engineers, cook and what not, name any field and we have a name from our side who represents the fraternity of woman.


With this we helped ourselves to get the respect that we desired, the independence that we wanted and the appreciation that we craved for. Yes we were satisfied. And then started the dual responsibility on the women. We thought we have become career women, we are earning equally and have equal rights and duties as our husbands but here we were mistaken, the society never raised the tag of homemaker from us, we became careerist and that was our choice but the household duties come to us as part of wedding vows. Cleaning, cooking, maintaining a good environment at home, keeping the ever smiling face which is not supposed to be tired remained part of our duties.


The girls of today who were brought up with the same love, care and respect as their brothers didn’t realize that their childhood dream of being a princes of their father and the queen in their own home having so many domestic help is just a childhood fantasy, we came to believe that yes we are earning and we won’t have to work like our mothers, comes to a reality check once we are married. Now we are into our mother’s shoes, doing all the chores of home making along with additional duty of attending to the jobs equally. So now summing it on, what we have seen in our childhood, we have become mix of our father and mother both. Our duties involve, getting up a bit earlier than everyone else, providing tea and breakfast, helping others and ourselves to get ready, clean the house as much as possible (duties of mummy) and then get ready quickly and rush to office to start the official duties (duties of papa).


So there we are today, women of India, all stressed out. Always thinking that we are missing out on something or the other. Even if we have a supporting and caring husband, when at home we compare our performance with our mother and realize that we are lacking and at office we compare ourselves with our father or husband and finding ourselves short of energy and zeal to excel. All this brings upon stress which we always feel. We don’t have any time left for ourselves. We feel sorry for our husbands that we are not able to provide delicious meals every day. We feel sorry for them when we get excited and hyper over a petty issue and retaliate instead of maintaining that amiable smiles which our mothers offered our fathers and listened to their frustrations.


But sometimes we want someone else to pity us, to feel for us and understand us. Tell us that it’s ok if you retaliated today, I am there to absorb your anger and frustration. It’s ok go ahead shout whatever you feel, I am not hurt you don’t need to bow down normalize yourself, smile and then calm us down every time. We can also do it for you, I know that your reaction was unreasonable but I also do the same thing many a times and when you can take it without complaining why shouldn’t I? Our marriage vows didn’t say you were responsible for everything, I am also responsible, if not for household duties then at least to ensure than the smile on your face is not forced by you, it is natural. It’s my duty to keep you always smiling. And that smile should reflect in your eyes. Only this can reduce the stress level of a women, can make her feel that whatever she is doing is being appreciated and acknowledged.


The women is born nurturer, she doesn’t feel bad about herself on getting up early and providing for her family, she doesn’t feel bad, working more than everyone else and ensuring that she gives a good meal to her loved ones, it’s just that if she put in extra efforts, doesn’t she deserve extra care and love?


She is beautiful, she is delicate, she is still her father’s princess and her mother’s doll, men please handle her with affection. You don’t realize, without her, you can’t manage a family. What she does for your family even you can’t do for your own family. Love her. Love her so much so that she doesn’t have to pity herself. Only then we will give a world to women where she is happy, truly happy and stress free.

 

Swati, double like your response!

 

Thanks a lot Priya, I really wanted to know if other women can relate to this or not. May I know whether u are a working woman or a home maker?

 

@ Swati..Excellent post.Very true.:clap

 

Nandini,

Thanks a lot for your comment, may I know are you a housewife or a working women. I want to know how closely I understand the feelings of women from both the cadre. I am anxiously waiting for your reply.
Swati

 

Awesome....Excellent...Wonderful.....Inspirational....Truthful.....

and could write down so many more words to appreciate it..

I am a newly married woman and stressed out sooo much not only after my marriage but since after my engagement only.. and felt so relaxed after reading these 2 posts..

Thanks a lot for sharing it.. It gave me a new direction..

 

Swati, I am a working woman! I can totally relate to your post. I was brought up telling/believing I am no less than a boy/man.

Then came my marriage. Infact the discussions about marriage. That's when I realized I am not equal to a man. Atleast thats how Indian society treats every woman. Especially MIL, who is also a woman. And even though DH being a good hearted person, it seeps into his mind that wife have to comply with all 'worldly' rules, ofcourse brainwashed by the so-called MIL!

Sometimes its just so tiring to do everything, to be everything. Sometimes all I want is a break. Just one day! Read my thread:
A Perfect Day!

 

@Swati, I can completly relate to your comment. by each and every word.