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am i right in feeling this way?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012.

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  1. Aug 12, 2012 #11
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Heh heh! Log is you :) I initially read it as 'bhai log had brought these' :)

    yep, it is the same story in many households. All gifts are from the son/brother, even if the woman was the one who shopped, shopped, shopped, after looking for sales and stood in long check-out lines during Xmas time. All good things that happen are courtesy the man, and things that go wrong often attributed to the woman.
     
    Rihana, Aug 12, 2012
    Rihana, Aug 12, 2012
    #11
    2 people like this.
  2. Aug 12, 2012 #12
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    @ragini...thanks for the support...yes,it was actually very stupid and naive of me after being taunted and let down so many times by in-laws,i still had expectations from them...OMG!!!...i totally deserved this..unless i dont put my act straight,this will keep on repeating!
     
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    #12
  3. Aug 12, 2012 #13
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    @monita-yes i definitely need a 'whack' here....i myself am surprised for the courtesy i extended and being exploited..what the hell was i even thinking??!!!...anyways,i have already started working on these negatives...no more free entertainment to ungrateful people...

    your SIL is one of her kind..lol..bhaiyya 'log'..that was hillarious!...as if!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    #13
  4. Aug 12, 2012 #14
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    @parvathi

    no no!..i cant expect any love/care from them towards my kids(hopefully soon)..because MIL made it clear from now itself that she is not going to take care of them...and i have to put them in daycare..she is just too busy with SIL's kids...lol..i am in love with the daycare option though!!
     
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    #14
    1 person likes this.
  5. Aug 12, 2012 #15
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    @rihana

    just feel like hugging you!..you have said it all...word to word..emotion by emotion.:exactly::kiss

    yes,i cried my heart out yesterday..i guess for 5 long hours..i think the entire marriage was taking its toll on me..too many scars and bruises were left unhealed..

    i guess being married in itself is a quick transition towards being "old"..lol..it teaches you so many lessons,which i never had the desire to learn.

    the excuses given are soo standard...seems people are loosing their creative side too!...such excuses are often given by my in-laws...yes,the most hillarious part is the self blame given by them for not going shopping with them,as they thoughtfully and whole heartedly wanted to buy a gift for us!

    it was all my fault....gave my emotions in the wrong place and then later had expectations from people who were just not worth it!

    need to live for myself first!
     
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    poojachinoy, Aug 12, 2012
    #15
    1 person likes this.
  6. Aug 12, 2012 #16
    Shakthi7

    Shakthi7 Gold IL'ite

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    Ladies,
    Nothing new here but sadly we are all in the same boat... after being married for more than 20 years....the policy I follow (or try to...) is:
    TO ME , FROM ME...
    I buy myself things/do pooja/ for my birthday/anniversary/valentines day/mothers day...
    It is better that we do whatever it takes to make ourselves feel good.... why leave such an important task to others?
    I am finding that my FB and IL friends mean so much more to me..
    WHY DONT WE START A THREAD SO THAT WE THE LADIES THAT FEEL BAD ABOUT NOT BEING WISHED POST THE SPECIAL DATES AND WE WISH EACH OTHER....good wishes count from anyone... need not be family/friends...

    Let me start:
    WISHING ALL IL's WHO HAVE A BIRTHDAY/ANNIVERSARY TODAY A VERY HAPPY DAY....I MAY NOT KNOW YOU PERSONALLY BUT WISH THE ALMIGHTY SHOWERS YOU WITH ALL YOUR WISHES....
     
    Shakthi7, Aug 12, 2012
    Shakthi7, Aug 12, 2012
    #16
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  7. Aug 12, 2012 #17
    Shakthi7

    Shakthi7 Gold IL'ite

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    The In-Laws can GO TO HELL: FIL/MIL/SIL tc etc...

    Lets start taking charge and taking care of ourselves/our spouses and kids...

    Let us teach our kids especially GIRLS to not expect anything from anyone and to take charge of their own happiness.....
     
    Shakthi7, Aug 12, 2012
    Shakthi7, Aug 12, 2012
    #17
    3 people like this.
  8. Aug 13, 2012 #18
    poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    @shakti-super like your post!

    i too want to wish all the IL's who have their birthdays/anniversaries today that they have a long healthy,happy and prosperous lives ahead!may GOD bless you all!
     
    poojachinoy, Aug 13, 2012
    poojachinoy, Aug 13, 2012
    #18
  9. Aug 13, 2012 #19
    Flyingsparks

    Flyingsparks Silver IL'ite

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    pooja..
    you are not alone..we all are with you..just ignore those immature little kids..they are still in school..making others jealous,partiality etc etc..just chuck them out of your mind..wat shakthi told is right..we are are own best friends,well wishers..we are responsible for our own happiness..kep smiling..

    don't worry.. we'll send you loads of wishes and belssing to you on your b'day...
     
    Flyingsparks, Aug 13, 2012
    Flyingsparks, Aug 13, 2012
    #19
    1 person likes this.
  10. Aug 13, 2012 #20
    Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Pooja,

    There is nothing wrong in your emotions to feel let down after doing so much to them. Clearly, what your MIL/SIL family did is extremely insensitive and inhuman. I have problem in thinking that the husband should not be blamed for his family's mistakes. Being a man and a husband, I feel it is my moral responsibility to not only keep my wife happy and understand her emotions whether she communicates it or not. In my opinion watching my spouse being slighted by someone is not an option whether she feels that way or not. I stand up for my wife with my mother, brother, brother's wife even with her own parents if they find fault with her for her actions, as long as I believe she is right. If I believe she is wrong, I tell her in confidence and not in the presence of others. In my opinion, she has every right to speak up whether it is about my mother or about anyone else.

    Regarding, the husband being given credit for everything that family does, it has become a habit in the Indian culture to say my son/son-in-law did it even if it is an action by daughter/daughter-in-law. Emotionally, there is no need to feel separated from the spouse and enjoy the credit whether it is given to husband or wife. It is the husband's duty to correct anyone who gives credit only to him. Even when his parents/siblings showers his love on him for wedding anniversary, it is his duty to tell them to wish his wife as well. If they refuse to do that, the husband should not take the call. I have done that many times myself and I am not saying it as merely an advice to others.

    Viswa
     
    Viswamitra, Aug 13, 2012
    Viswamitra, Aug 13, 2012
    #20
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