In-Laws or Out laws?

just because someone explicitly said "they don't blame anybody" does not mean they are actually NOT doing that Quebec - Please go back and read through the post once again - it is dripping with anti-DILism.. specially the capital "selfish daughters in law" part.

The proof of the pudding lies in the eating.

 

I absolutely love this!!! Amazingly put across mommybird.

 

The truth out there is this, I feel, that the boy/man's parents get far more insecure than the girl's parents after marriage. Somehow (and I find it so perplexing) the DIL is considered as this 'witch' who will cast a spell and take away 'their' son. And they leave no stone unturned to keep the animosity and misunderstanding between the couple alive. Divide and Rule. The son/husband usually gets frustrated and becomes 'neutral' or even worse since blood is thicker than water, decides to alienate the wife by being only the provider and not any other role.

It is by seeing these type of situations arising amongst their relatives/peers/ friends that girls today opt and are very firm that after marriage they would like to live separately only with their husbands. And that is not at all wrong!!! It is the parents' who should understand that Yes We have lived our life, we have slogged, we have enjoyed, we have brought up our son, Now he is married and 'THEY' need to start and have a life of their own. We will be there for them always for guidance and help whenever they ask for it.' If only the elders were so mature,so understanding, so empathic that life would be really peaceful. Is it so hard? Why do they complicate it so much?

 

"No wonder the Old Age Homes are finding a place in the search engine."

Why Old age homes are considered disrespectful?? Aren't we send our daughter/son to hostel? Did we feel disrespect for send them to hostel? In what way old age homes differ from a hostel??

Next generation old age people (that is us) already have lived in hostels. So we are ready for "OLD AGE HOMES" because there is nothing wrong in it. I get my age friends same as like my hostel, I dont have to cook so I will have more time, I can read good books, I can go on pilgrimage, I can get health care available etc. So in what way old age homes are less??

"my generation people have many siblings" "Where to go?"

Reproductive medicine has advanced only for the past 30-35 years. Before that having a kid is purely god's gift and there were quiet good no of couples without kid. How did they live?? and where did they go?

 

Very well said Rihana and Mommybird and I agree with you and second you guys completely.

OP Ma'm, whatever you have described that IL's are being kicked out coz of DIL's. Its true in some cases and I will not deny this fact.

But apart from this, with all due respect, I do not agree with the rest.

This is just an eg - Now a days Mil's dont mind sending their DS abroad for higher studies or work. She wouldnt bother all these years what he ate, what he did, did he do laundry, cleaning etc etc.

But as soon as DIl enters her life, she behaves as if she is a mother of a newborn baby. All concerns start raising about his food, clothes, cleanliness bla bla bla. Apart from being a DIL, she is also somebody's wife. Ofcourse under any circumstance she will not let her husband sleep hungry stomach or let him wear dirty clothes, socks etc etc.

On one hand, MIl's lay down an emotional drama in front of her son about her old age, medical problems, leg pain, his upbringing, money spent on eductaion bla bla bla...On the other hand she claims that her DIL should not bother about her parents (as she is married now), the parents who also might be old, have medical probs (just like her), who also worked hard for upbring their daughter, who also loong to see their daughter as she was raised by them and have spent 25 yrs aprox with them etc etc.

In both cases, the parents of BOTH sets have equally given their children BIRTH, the best of eduction, food, clothes, money etc etc. Then why is that only DIL's are expected to take care of PIL's in old age, why do PIL's stop their DS and DIL to take care of the DIL's parents. Both sets are human beings.. aint they?

And for the Old age home. Yes it is sad to hear when people land up there. BUT is it fair that the parents who do NOT have son, should end up living in misery. Here I am not saying the one's who have son should land up in old age home. But if no pity and mercy is given to the old people who are parents of DD's, then no pity and mercy should be given to those parents who are parents of DS and who land up in old age homes.

Lastly I am not saying that it is PIL's or Dh fault for having the DIL's parents land up in old age, it is also the DIL's fault for giving a few yrs of new relationship priority over her old relations, the relations due to which she came intto life.

 

Quebec ji... :notthatway:

Agree with what OP Ma'm had mentioned in her initial lines which is fact. But the later is not from neighbours gossip, it is her point of view.

Abhi.... dont disect my post for this ... :cheers

 

This realization of the DS having a new family and mothers having no good hobbies etc is very true.

Some people claim I want to be a good MIL but you never know what will happen 20 years down the lane, it is then that they should remember the above you stated.

If only MILs starting enjoying their lives making plans for themselves and their husbands and having fun.

 

Also to add to my earlier posts,

PIL's dont mind, if their DS is away from his wife or sepearted or divorced, but they do very well mind if their DS is close to his wife.

PIL's dont mind if their DS spends $$$$$ on them, but they do even if he spends $ on his own wife.

PIL's dont mind to keep on adding fuel to his DW's life which eventually effects their DS and is visible enough, but they do mind, if the DW does things for her DH and their happiness.

PIL's dont mind if the DS takes rest after coming from work, but they surely do even if their DIL's relax for 5 min after all the hard work in office and house.

PIL's dont mind to see their DS going out with friends, but they do if they see the same son going out with his wife per his wish.

Can keep up on adding more... but will like to leave it here.

So if the PIL's are unnecessarily ruining the DIL's life, the DIl has very well all the rights in the world to be what is called as "SELFISH".

 

Ma'am,

with all due respect to the disclaimer,i think your post was way too biased,where it could have been more optimistic showing a middle ground.

why so much issue about a joint family setup?...staying in a joint family not necassirily mean 'close knit'...the water on the surface always seems calm..may not hold true for all..but,it is a reality most of the times.

the domination that comes with insecurity that,a wife is coming to seperate the husband from parents is the root cause of resentment from dils...and what is seperation?..didnt the son go for his higher studies abroad for 'n' number of years?..wasn't he working abroad independantly?..then why suddenly after marriage it seems he is being seperated?most girls get married with rose tinted glasses on,taking husbands family to be be like their own,because the marriage and love is fresh towards their husband..but when the efforts,leave alone be appreciated,are belittled,thats when the tolerance threshold of any normal human being takes a hike.

this is hillarious..because i have seen the opposite happening,where in inlaws dont even bear with dil and yet reap the property/jewels/money being given by dil's parents...women are working these days..i dont think they are so much dependant on their parents property after marriage,so where is the question of in-laws property...lol!

accept that the MIL seems non materialistic and agreed that DIL should have offered,but,then again why this expectation from ONLY dil..didnt she give equally to her daughters..why did they not give her at that dire hour?..or were they all witing for DIL to show her humanity, as its the daughters right to inherit jewels and its charity for DIL?...its not about jewels..but its the expectation.

EXACTLY!...it is divided among children(BOTH daughters and sons) ..its everyones duty to look after them..SIL's just take the property and think its their birth right..but if son gets the property then its a deal breaker for him AND his wife to look after HIS parents..did not the mother go through similar pain for delivering all daughters and sons?..so why dont the SIL'S stand up for their responsibility..or is it while dividing property they talk about gender equality and when coming to taking care of ones own parents it gets turned into societal customs?

true...but everything works vice-versa...he will be a sinner too if he maintains silence when wife is being ill treated..he needs to strike a balance.it is about finding a middle ground...being an extremist is going to do just harm,either ways.

and whats with the WHACK!!:rotflMa'am,though you are already middle aged..with all due respect,i feel you need to seriously grow up!

 

@ all,

i give up........

There is no point in saying anything......

Have a wonderful life .....

Goodbye...