how to forgive

well..i wud say first step to forgive is to be in the other person's shoe..what u wud hav done if u were in the situation. we are all humans and tend to make mistakes. noone is hundred percent perfect. moreover if u forgive them and forget their mistakes and start everything as new that will give peace to ur self also. instead grudging over what they did... they might feel ashamed of their behavior toward you if u show them that uve forgiven them. this will lead to maintain a healthy positive relationship.

 

Hi there....

It is always said it is better to forgive and forget cause if you carry forward, you are inviting more hurt and pain... I can understand that it is easier said than done, however, it is not impossible...!!!

It happens often that the past tends to follow us and give us sleepless nights but it is a state of mind which can be tampered with, in the sense that, if you forgive from the bottom of your heart, you will definitely forget and move on...!!!

I am not sure what your problem is, if youo could elaborate, it would be help us to provide you with apt solutions/advices...!!!

God Bless..!!!

 

saman,

everybody would say forget and forgive...not at all easy...
I will say dont forget rather try to come to terms with what has happened.You cannot forget things which has hurt you easily. When you are reminded of those things try to keep a check on them . Try to convert your anger into positive doings, like say something that will give u happiness...watching a movie or cleaning the kitchen ,whatever suits you....again i say ,saying is easy ...doing ? there comes your strength in doing it.
In my experience without goiing into details there is no point in worrying or thinking about what had already happened , rather think of how to tackle things in future....

 

dear Saman,

Personally, I feel to forgive is to let go. Simply let go of the hatred, anger, pain inside u. To forgive doesnt mean validating the wrong done to u - it simply means to move on. If u keep feeding yr hurt, its only u who gets affected. The person who has wronged u will probably be enjoying his life. On the other hand, if u hv been rude to someone n if the person is close to u then a simple "sorry" will do the trick.

I hv observed that it is much easier to forget when u let go of the hurt. dont think of yrself as having been a victim. You can think of it as a learning experience n u might be able to handle the person better in future. Another golden rule is, in a relationship [whether with parents, inlaws, friends] learn to say NO. If u feel u cant do something despite yr best efforts - then simply decline. dont say YES when u actually mean NO. This reduces a lot of misery in trying to cope up.

As regards yr arguments with yr spouse - dont let any argument reach a point of no return. Also, try yr best not to bring inlaws into the argument. Just like u hv feelings for yr parents n siblings, it wud be fair to give yr husband also the same right. If he loses his temper - it is best for u to keep quiet for that moment. When things hv cooled down, u can talk to him on a calmer note. Please dont get too involved in the "postmortem" of a fight - who was wrong, who said what. Things usually turn ugly at this. Apart fm the disagreements, if yr husband cares for u in other ways, then u too can move a step forward n overlook certain things.

We all hv different circumstances, personalities n capacity to handle hurt - u will hv to work out a solution which suits u the best.

love,
kylie

 

Dear OP,
I believe that no one can forget or forgive their past and pain!
You can just act like you forget and forgive and keep those things deep underneath you mind/heart,just for a life.

 

Forgiving is not possible always.Then ,again forgetting is highly impossible.

Remembering the past deeds done by some persons,make us more cautious and each incident is a lesson by itself.

Once,the persons stop treating us badly, automatically,we will forgive them.If they are continuing their doings,there is no question of forgiving.Instead,we are digging our own grave.We are giving them one more opportunity to hurt us.

One option is there.Leaving them in the hands of god.Believe truly from your bottom of heart that justice will be done.

Once you do this, you will be greatly relieved from the heavy weight pressing in your mind.This is for our own good.

 

Hi OP..
Forgiving is a divine quality I feel.If one can develop it,there is nothing like it because in the course of our lives,we are hurt so many times by friends,family and other people and forgiving them would make our lives much better and positive..
In my case,I feel-we should forgive if we can but we should never forget what the other person did because sometimes your forgiving nature is taken as your weakness.As Kishoremommy said they would keep on hurting you..So,by not forgetting you would make more cautious and aware of the persons who hurt you..
I care and do a lot for people.So,when they do something bad with me,I can't forgive and forget easily.So, later even if I am not very rude with them,I also can't be very warm and goody goody with them.My behaviour remains cold and formal..I am trying to improve on this front..
Actually,there is not a problem if a stranger or unknown person does something wrong to you..Its only when a close friend or a family member hurts you.You can't be aggressive and you also can't sever your ties with such people.In such cases,it is better if you remain calm and patient.Be cautious in future but trying to forgive a person will not make you feel bad every time you see or meet that person.Else we would remain angry and disgruntled all the time.
When some family member does something bad to me and hurts me(sorry to mention but its MIL or SIL most of the time),I know that I can't forgive them and I also know that this is just one of the many past and future instances when they do wrong to me,I try to divert my mind.I am angry(very,very angry) and sometimes I blast my DH about it(to realise later that it wasn't worth it and it pains me to see him sad later).But these days I think I am growing mature and I have realised that fighting with DH about MIL and SIL only makes both of us sad and he can't do much about it and this is doubly fatal-firstly,the wrongdoer is conveniently enjoying his life and secondly,fighting with DH makes them successful in their motive of creating differences between us both..

So,I have started making conscious efforts to divert my mind and be calm.You could try my strategies too-
1. Go for shopping.You'll love it !! And DH will realise that you are more dangerous this way as you blow all the money..
2. Go for a movie- a romantic or comedy if available..
3. Listen to good songs..
4. Call old friends whom you cannot catch up generally.My observation is that when we are angry,we feel like talking a lot so talking to good people of your life will uplift your mood and spirit.
5. Go to a parlour or a spa and pamper yourself.Get a massage..Your anger will fade away into oblivion..
6. Play with kids-Although I don't have any till now but it is an instant reliever..
7. Decorate your house or do gardening.In sometime,you'll feel that anger makes you more efficient and creative and your mood is taken care of..
8.Hit your treadmill..Go to gym..Workout(done in vengeance) does wonders!!And you have burn a lot of calories in the end..
9.Give time to your favourite hobby.This will make you happy..
10. Go to an orphanage-Play with the kids,do activities with them.This really brings tears to my eyes and I start feeling blessed instantly and jump into a thanksgiving mode-parents,DH and God most of all..
11.I read somewhere on this forum-see pics of war torn countries,plight of poor people and suffering in general on internet.It really makes us feel thankful for what we have and what we are..
12.If you are still angry,you can also try being devilish-fight with a pillow or blast your crooked junior..This really helps;-))

Let me tell you-all the steps I suggested will make you FORGET bad incidents.I believe forgetting is a small thing and it requires less efforts..Forgiving will take longer time as it is a bigger task..So,try to forget till you forgive.Whenever I am able to think so and also exercise the above mentioned things,I am able to be happy and not irritated all the time.So,for my own sake,I try to forget things..But we should make a statement either verbally or by actions that we would not tolerate what is wrong.This would take care of future things..
I agree it is not easy and not possible always..But I am trying and you could do it too..
I truly loved Kylie's post..You could also try what she suggested..