Hubby more concerned about his family then his wife....

oneluvmya · Nov 30, 2011

First of all, I just want to say I'm so glad I found this forum. I was looking for a place where I could get a point of view from Indians since we have a different culture then Americans so thank you to whoever started this forum!

Anyways so a brief intro, I live in USA and got married a year ago to a guy from Africa. He was here on Student Visa and we met, got engaged in 1 month and married 9 months after. It was a very short pre-marriage relationship! Anyways, I knew it was going to be a bit hard since we are from two different countries, families and lifestyles but we talked a lot about our views and everything seemed to match, in the beginning. Fast forward to now and we are on two different pages now. He is not the type of guy he made himself out to be.

First off, he is Mama's boy to the max. Not just mama's boy but also his sister is another problem. If his family is in the room, he won't even talk to me or look at me. Also, whatever his mom or sister says is more important then what I say or think. He doesn't care how I feel about things. Its hard right now because his sister's son (who is 2.5 years old) stays with my husband's parents and they are staying with us so basically I am raising my sister in law's son. It is soo frustrating because my husband acts like he is our son but I don't feel that kind of attachment and I get annoyed to clean up after him and watch him all the time. My husband tells me that I am too Americanized but what does he expect? I was born and raised in America, never lived in joint family, don't know too much Indian cooking, etc. I told him everything before marriage. I feel like I totally married the wrong guy because he is too Indian and I'm too American. Anyone having issues like this?

sreyachandra · Nov 30, 2011

Hi Ya,

whether it is Indian ,african ,brit or american..the problem is universal.Do this way if u like it.Try to act too smart i mean oversmart than ur boyfrnd.Say for example when he doesn't look at u take coffee to all and say hiya coffee for u guyz .whole world is just acting ,after marriage u have to act then only u can make him urs.I know it is frustrating and annoying for u to do this but believe me" NO PAIN NO GAIN".if his sis and mom give him any suggestions try to listen them with a smile on ur face and say ys ys they r right in their way but i think my dear this is the way v can also do it!! what do u say aunt(ur bf mom,sis)...something like that u know ...u make ur own pace to get chance to open up with ur ideas ...first prepare urself mentally ...ur sil son is with u right...before ur bf buy anything to him just ask ur bf i think this suits ur nephew,shall v buy some nice doll or game for him ??tht way u get chance to go out with ur bf ..slowly this way u can divert his attitude...try ur way..all the best...

bramvi · Dec 1, 2011

This problem is universal ! Husband expecting wife to tend to his people and wife thinking it should not be her problem at all.
You were born and brought up in US. Only if you had married someone who was born and brought up here ,things would have been easy. But anyway, how long are the parents gonna stay with you guys and where is his sister?. Can you arrange for them to move out or live seperately sooner.That is the only solution I thinks.
Good Luck to you

mybaby1 · Dec 4, 2011

hi dear,
can really relate to your problem. i m an indian born n brought up in india and my husband also. but the problem as others said too is universal.
it is not mentioned here that you are working or not? if not i wud certainly suggest you to take some work and full time not from home coz working from home wud be like being at home n the situations wont change.by working you wud be having some financial as well as time freedom for you and you will be out of that environment for some time.
hope that helps...
tk cr