Please tell me if what I am thinking and doing is right.

Hi,

I saw this post and wanted to share my story and seek advice.I was married in 2004 to a guy based in US.It was an arranged marraige.Within two months of my marraige, my father expired.During the talks of the marraige his parents created a lot of trouble.I am now married for 7 years.I was harassed by his younger sister who lives in US with her husband and kids.She has continuously interfered with my life and had created trouble whenever she visited my house.She would create a fight between me and my husband and then would take my husband out with her kids for sightseeing,while I used to stay back home crying with pain and hurt because of what she would create.I had carefully avoided trying to conceive for a few years as I got scarded with the whole family being vicious and his parents and another sibling have also harassed me when ever they visited me in US apart from the continuous harassment from his another sister in US.I started in 2008 trying to conceive and we both planned to visit specialists for checkups.His sister in US did not allow him to get tested and he after she brainwashed him denied that anything was wrong with him.He started saying that if there is anything wrong it would be with the female i.e ME.So he never got tested and I on the other hand got myself tested for everything and the results showed that everything was normal with me.But when his parents visited us in 2009, they started blaming me and calling me names like "BARREN".When I told them that their daughter was not allowing their son to get himself tested they started blaming me instead and never acknowledged that she interfered in our lives.

My doctor asked for his results and when I told her the problem stated that probably a problem does exist with him and that is why the family is not allowing their son to get tested.Meanwhile his sister once dropped at our place and as usual starts creating trouble and during the talk blames me for several things like that I was unable to give a child and so on.My attempts to drag him to get tested failed and after that we met a woman who was practicing homeopathy and I told her my problem she started giving both of us medicine.I was not regular with the medicine 3 times a day and would take only 2 times a day instead of 3 times.But my DH would take the medicine all the 3 times.Within two months I became pregnant and since I used to get delayed cycles,I started thinking that I was getting delayed with my cycles and told the doctor the problem.She suggested that I take a home pregnancy test and it came out positive.By the time I spoke to her and tested with HPT, I was in my fourth month of pregnancy.Though I got scared with the fact since the family is horrible, I continued with my pregnancy.He suggested that we should let the our respective families know abt the pregnancy when I was entering my sixth month of pregnancy.So we told them when I entered my sixth month of pregnancy and from then on my SIL's have started to interfere and harassing me over issues like baby shower--as to in which month it should be performed.We started purchasing stuff for the baby recently and I decided upon buying a stroller.She calls my husband daily to inquire as to what we are doing and start suggesting.I had searched online and decided upon a stroller and she calls my husband and leaves a message stating that he should call her back and that she needs to talk to him abt the stroller that the one I had selected is expensive one and that she has been seeing people around her house and that it is not that expensive.I am unable to control my pain and grief.At last what all I have dreaded is happening again with the sisters interfering and harassing me everyday with phone calls telling me that I should ask their advice abt the baby shower.In fact it is my mom who has to send me the saree and stuff for the baby shower( his parents have not given me a single saree or gold ornament since I got married, but instead have harassed me as to what things my brother's inlaws gave my husband for my brothers wedding).I am unable to feel threatened with my future from this point with his sisters and parents controlling everything in my life as to what to buy and what not to buy.

At this point, I am unable to take this anymore and am comtemplating to get an abortion and then file for a divorce immediately so that I can lead a peaceful life with self respect and with no interference.Since I am pursuing my higher studies and this whole pregnancy and the subsequent visit of his family after the child's birth would place me in highly endangered situation both emotionally,mentally and physically.I want to contact my previous doctor and speak to her and get this done this week.I am fedup to the core and cannot even imagine the kind of harassment when his parents are planning to be here after the child is born.Both his sisters would then come and I would become all alone while they go and sit and eat while I do the maid servant work cooking,cleaning and serving them while they would sit and harass me.The sad part in this whole thing is my DH is not at all supportive and would calmly watch them harass me or else join with them in the harassment.

Please tell me if what I am thinking and doing is right.

 

Hi Everyone,

Thanks a lot for the immediate response for my troubled life.I am in my sixth month of pregnancy.As I mentioned earlier, since I have delayed and sometimes irregular cycles, I could not know that I was pregnant till Sep 11th when I was 13 weeks pregnant (fourth month).Yes I know it is murder to kills ones own in the womb but it was only me who was suffering till now but now I have to fight and suffer for both of us.

Monita and Inloveiwithmylyf--I just entered into my sixth month of the pregnancy having completed the fifth month.

cj1980 & sheztheone---I know how hard it is for one to get pregnant and understand your pain.But think of the situation when your life is in danger as you are all alone in a family where your own DH is not supportive and puts as a prey before his family members.Even though I am educated degree wise,I am not educated in the cunning ways like his mother who emotionally blackmails him or like his sisters who are manipulative and keep interferinng and create havoc in my life and harass me with no limits when they visit my home.You are treated like trash and dirt even though you are more educated than them.Where will I go with a infant in my arms and no job to do since I would be still healing.Some families are monstrous and have no fear of God or sin.As my father expired immediately after our marraige, his family has taken advantage as they think that our family is now defenseless as Mom is a widow and his mother keeps telling him that if he leaves me there is no way that I can get married again.He says the same to me because he knows that I can leave him at any point.

sheztheone---I am not scared of the baby and yes I am scared of the whole family, not only the in-laws but also his sisters who would be visiting me when the child is born and stay here for a period of six months and the whole period is going to be hell for me not only because I would slogging cooking and cleaning on one hand but also bearing the mental harassment from the whole family.Even though my mother would be visiting first before the horrendous family to help me before and a bit after the delivery, it scares me when I even think about his family being present and me being alone amidst them.My mother would leave to my brothers house in US as soon as my DH family would land in US but she is not in a position to talk to them and tackle them in anyway.I tried contacting various help organizations ( None of you may believe if I tell you now that I posted a message to the white house to Lady Michelle Obama and got a response from the corresponding office.They suggested me to approach some local help organizations which I am planning to do) but everyone suggests me to move out and there is no law in US which can restrain anyone who is harassing you from visiting you.So indirectly which means that I cannot stop either his sisters or parents from visiting me and there is no escape except to move away from him which I cannot in the initital months after delivery.As I also stated earlier that I have taken this semester off from university and I need to get back to campus coming Jan 2012 and he would not allow me to do so as he is controlling always.And with nowhere to go and confined to the home for a long period like a year with a torturing family I am scared for how long I would be mentally sane.If things get worse I preferring calling the cops but am unsure if I would be able to do that at that point when amidst all his family members.

@Ars--I am not working and had planned to take this semester off as I had completed a training and wanted to try for jobs this semester.But with the pregnancy things are not happening the way I had planned.
He sure knows how to make my life more harder--probably he has different plans for me.We never know GOD's ways.

@sweetgirl1234--I have been researching the help organizations since the time I got married like MANAVI.Manavi just arranges telephonic meetings first and personal meetings later on with family and immigration attorneys.They do not help anything further with the court proceedings.Also if you need shelter there is a long wait line and there is preference given to less economically independent women and others.But I will definitely try researching the ones you sent me as I have not researched those yet.Hopefully I will get some help from there.Thanks a lot once again.

@JGVR---Yes I have expressed my unhappiness many a times to him abt his sister's continuous interference.So far I have not spoken straight to both his sisters asking them to keep away.Yes what you said is true that if we keep quiet L's bully more.But in 2009 I tried answwering them back when they started bad mouthing me in front of their relatives in MIL's village on our visit to India.MY DH had been a witness to the whole thing but his parents have filled his ears enough that he belives that I spoiled their reputation and taunts me for it.Even though it was them who had started the whole issue, they have cleverly swapped things and out the blame on me.Sorry because I need to tell teh story again.We were on a brief visit for a period of about 15 days.We flew in on Dec 27 from US directly to his parents place and reached there on Dec 28th and then the next day Dec 29th all of us left for a religious place due to some ceremonies there for the year end which always take place at that place at the year ending with people coming from all parts of the world.We reached the religious place on 30 and the ceremonies were for 3 days ---30,31,1 &2.My husband had already booked my ticket to my mothers place from the religious place for 2 Jan 2009.So when his mother came to know that he had booked my ticket for 2 she started screaming and blaming me that I made him book the ticket.One thing I forgot to tell you guys is that though we have been married for a period of 7 years I ahd visited my mother only twice--once when my father expired and after two years.But he kept visiting his parents in India every year or to his another sister in UK leaving me in US every time.He would book his tickets in secrecy and would let me know about 15 days before his departure date.So in 2009 I was visiting her after a period of 3 years again and she is living all by herself since Dad expired in 2004.So I left to my moms place on 2 Jan and was instructed to come to his mothers native village starting on 6th night so that I reach there on 7 Jan 2010.Since mom is severely arthritic and I wanted to take her to the doctors, I mentioned to my DH that even I visit his native village, I would stay till 8 adn then leave back to my moms place.He suggested that 8th is too soon and instead said that I could leave on 9 Jan 2010.So when I was with my mom I booked tickets for her from her place to Parthi and mine from his village to Parthi so that I could meet mom in Parthi.When I visited the village on 7 Jan 2010, he told his mom that I had booked my ticket back for 8 and starts yelling and screaming and tells him that he should immediately drop me off at the busstop.They created a ruckus in front of all their relatives and left me with nothing to eat amidst all strangersfor the whole day while the trio--mother,father and son went into the village for sightseeing.During the course of the ruckus when I stated that I was not allowed to visit my mother for a period of 3 years his father starts telling his wife's brothers that I had promised to work and earn and since I was not earning therefore his son was not able to take me along with him every time he visited to India.Though in reality as soon as I came to US after marraige I had joined university and all my stipend money was taken away by him by threat or force and he would be sending money back to his parents in India.I had carefully kept receipts of every deposit of what I made into his account.So I told their relatives everything about he used to take every penny I earned to his Savings acc/ promising me that he was saving and then as soon as I made the deposit he would cleverly go online and transfer that money from the savings to the checking and then write a check to his parents.It so happened that his relatives sympathised with me and told me that I should save a bit without his knowledge and then clverly told everything what I told them to my DH and inlaws.So I left to meet my mom on 8 and when I returned to his parents place finally since we had to take our flight back home to US from there, they started creating a ruckus and hell and started blaming me that I had spoilt their reputation back in their village.So the story continues with my DH still sometimes taunting me that I had told his relatives abt how he has physically abused me ad also spoilt his family reputation and so on.So once I told him that it was his parents who had started the ruckus and he cannot expect me to keep my mouth shut when they are doing all false propaganda abt me.

So in short I had tried lashing back at them but in the end I lost with them blaming me more.So in other words they expect me to keep my mouth even if I am physically tortured or mentally and emotionally abused by IL's or DH or anyone in their family.To top it all inspite of their daughters doing so much to me my DH's father expects me to call his daughters and speak to them which I dont feel like doing as they have always acted with double standards and he blames me for that whenever he comes to US.