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Letter to my mother-in-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by healing1980, Aug 30, 2011.

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  1. Aug 30, 2011 #1
    healing1980

    healing1980 Silver IL'ite

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    Amma,

    I have not addressed you as dear because you are not dear to me. I don't love you. I also do not have any respect for you. Infact, I hate you. I spend most of my day and most of my days cursing you and wishing bad things happen to you. I have no emotional attachment towards you and I will never miss you or want you. However, this hatred is causing me a lot of stress and frustration. It is growing rather than reducing in its intensity. Every time I curse you, I curse you worse than the previous time. It gives me a weird kind of pleasure when I have finished cursing you but at the same time my entire day is ruined and I am left drained of my energy. It is killing my spirit. It is ruining my days, my life. I have, hence, decided that this has to end. That I want to forgive you and move on. Not because you deserve it, you don't.. but I definitely deserve a better life and more peace of mind. I have come to the conclusion that I can attain that only by forgiving you and forgetting the past and starting afresh. That having said, I have no intention of keeping in touch with you any more than I am already. If anything, I only am going to become more aloof and detached from you. That is because you are incorrigible and can never improve. I cannot heal well and keep in touch with you at the same time. I have decided to let go of my relationship with you in my mind. You no longer are related to me. You no longer mean anything to me. Infact, you don't exist for me. Well, for the outsiders, you'll still remain my mother-in-law because you are my husband's mother but to me personally, you are a nobody. I, hereby, forgive you for all that you have done to me and to my parents and forget the hurt that it has caused me. I promise to myself and to my god that the cursings will stop starting now, this moment. I liberate you of all the wrong doings that you are guilty of and thereby liberate myself of the burden of hurt that I've been carrying thus long. I, hereby disown you because you were never my own in the first place and secondly, you don't deserve to be in my life. I liberate myself of you. I don't know you anymore. I wish you become a better human being in the future so that you are not able to hurt anyone else.

    no more hurt, no more cursings, no more attachment and no more yours,
    me
     
    healing1980, Aug 30, 2011
    healing1980, Aug 30, 2011
    #1
    26 people like this.
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  2. Aug 30, 2011 #2
    Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Healing 1980,
    read your thread and felt so sad not only for you , but for your MIL too. Why should women treat their own fmaily member bad. They go out and look for the best girl for their son and change when they become part of their family. I am asking this questions for a long time, can't get the answer.
    I am a senior citizen and haven't become a mother in law. But if anyone comes to my life, I treat them with lots of love and respect. Because I choose them and I should be proud of my choice. Don't you think so?
    it is really sad when I read these kind of letters. Hope they realize it soon and act better.
    I also had problems with friends and families. One of the spiritual lady taught me how to get rid of the negative feelings. She asked me to close the eyes and bring all the negative energy and flush it like you do it itn the bathroom. Try that, it really helps. I am going through a bad relationship with aso claled firend of mine. I am hurt and angry. I did the flushing riitual yesterday and felt much better.

    Hope your life gets better after you write this thread. Good luck. By the way, how long have you been married?

    CL
     
    Coffeelover, Aug 30, 2011
    Coffeelover, Aug 30, 2011
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  3. Aug 30, 2011 #3
    RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Loved your letter...
    It somehow gave a sense of relief to me..I dont know why..Maybe because mentally I want to say all this to my MIL too...
    Am going to follow whatever you have written...
     
    RJMK, Aug 30, 2011
    RJMK, Aug 30, 2011
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  4. Aug 30, 2011 #4
    shambavi2000

    shambavi2000 Silver IL'ite

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    Welcome to IL Healing 1980!

    It's a nice place to lose yourself and a nicer place where you find 'yourself' too!
     
    shambavi2000, Aug 30, 2011
    shambavi2000, Aug 30, 2011
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  5. Aug 30, 2011 #5
    vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Healing...,
    Welcome to IL....You seem to be a wise girl and you have made very wise decision it is unfortunate that you got such MIL....God Bless you dear...
     
    vjbunny, Aug 30, 2011
    vjbunny, Aug 30, 2011
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  6. Aug 30, 2011 #6
    sivshankari

    sivshankari Gold IL'ite

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    dear healing,
    i can feel ur pain........god bless u
     
    sivshankari, Aug 30, 2011
    sivshankari, Aug 30, 2011
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  7. Aug 30, 2011 #7
    healing1980

    healing1980 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for the warm welcome and also for all the warm msgs. I wasn't expecting any replies to my post but am pleasantly surprised to find so many !!. I am feeling so much better after writing this letter.. I had no idea one small change in attitude can bring about so much peace of mind.
    Dear CL, I've been married for about 3.5 yrs now. I know it seems like a very short period of time to be so fed up with my MIL but sometimes, you just know that some relationships have no future. Ours wasn't an arranged marriage. It was a love marriage... may be my in laws were never able to accept it. My husband and I are very happily married though :) ... and I've decided to count my blessings rather than worry about all the imperfections in my married life. For my peace of mind only. I hope your method of flushing out all that's negative in your life helps you find your peace aswell.
    Good luck to you all !!.. :thumbsup
     
    healing1980, Aug 30, 2011
    healing1980, Aug 30, 2011
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  8. Aug 30, 2011 #8
    harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    I totally agree with your words below!!! I hope you're feeling much much better now!!! You are a very mature person to understand the power of forgiveness and letting go!!! Good for you!!!


    I have done exactly the same thing several times after going through some heartaches, both in professional and personal life... and I know the relief forgiveness brings us!!! :)

    Forgiveness and letting go has more to do with our peace of mind and is much more effective than really trying to make them "realise" and "pay for their sins"

    All the best!
    Harini
     
    harinisripada, Aug 30, 2011
    harinisripada, Aug 30, 2011
    #8
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  9. Aug 30, 2011 #9
    srenesubbi

    srenesubbi Junior IL'ite

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    hi da nice letter, i have started doing what you have told in this letter towards my MIL. good decision da move on only this way we can save us from depression and stress.
     
    srenesubbi, Aug 30, 2011
    srenesubbi, Aug 30, 2011
    #9
  10. Sep 1, 2011 #10
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Healing 1980,

    Hearty congratulations for two things.

    • I can't tell you how happy I am, that you have taken the stand you have. You, before anyone else deserve all the joy and happiness in life that you can get. No, 3.5 years is not too soon. When one thinks of those many years of agonizing over a relationship, it is a very very long time. But I am extremely glad that you, for your own sake have decided to let go and live happily. Just recently I have written an article in content pages where I have recommended a similar approach. IndusLadies - Through Time Into Healing. Again and again I have been trying to pass across this message to others, because experience has taught me the same thing that you mentioned - that the more I curse, the more I dwell on a painful relationship, the more I vent, the more agony I am causing myself. And willy nilly I am giving that person tremendous importance by thinking about him/her all day long. Does that person truly deserve this relationship? I simply love your solution the problem - forgive and forget and move on. And that certainly does not mean include them in your life and turn the other cheek. No. For those who find the forgive part tough, I would say forget and move on. Forget that that person is a part of your life. Forget all the pain the person gave you, but don't forget the pain he/she is capable of giving you - you have to remember that to protect yourself in the future. Distance and time are capable of healing relationships, but if it has to happen, it has to take place spontaneously over time. One cannot force healing or its pace. Time is the only healer.


    • My second congratulation is for having had your thread nominated. You have indeed made your entry into IL with a bang. Looking forward to a lot more from you. :)
     
    satchitananda, Sep 1, 2011
    satchitananda, Sep 1, 2011
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