Sil issues

Sorry but i dont understand your problem..you asked your dh why does his sister copy things he does ..and when he replies to you ..you call it comparission..?????????
And please understand marriage is her choice ..if height ,color,behaviour matters to her ...IT DOES..because she has to spend life with him..so why are you getting worried about it?give her time..Trust me its not easy as you think it is....
And please dont start comparing job beauty etc...common she is his sister..why cant a brother and sister be soo close that they love same choices???
And its very well understandable if she is close to her brother...is she interfereing in your life anyway by doing that?
sorry to be rude but i somehow feel you are over reacting to the situation...

 

Veronica, cut your SIL some slack. Come on, she is widowed, and god only knows how traumatic it would have been for her. She needs someone to tell her she is good-looking, smart, intelligent and a fashionista. Basically, someone to increase her confidence in herself. If your husband compares you to her, then tell him both of you are different people. Rather, stop telling that you are better off than her in everything. And I dont find anything wrong in imitating another sibling. But why do you call it imitation? I like my sister's (elder) taste in clothes. I appreciate her choices and so does she. Though we dont copy each other in everything, we make a fair share of our opinions based on each other's tastes, and I dont find it wrong.

Rather than criticizing you MIL/SIL, please talk to your husband and get things sorted. If you feel she rejects guys for the wrong reasons, have a heart-to-heart talk with her and tell her that she needs to be mature enough to make the right matrimonial decisions. You have absolutely no right to sit down and criticise her.

I do not want to address other problems, I guess other women out here will give you some good advises. But please be kind to your SIL, and talk to your DH if his comparison hurts you! When you are pregnant, think positive to feel some positive vibes. Negativity, and ill-feelings towards your in-laws are not what you want to think about now. Sit back and enjoy your pregnancy!!

 

What is your problem if you SIL asks your husband for very simple decision .He is her brother too.Looks like you are the one with the problem .You are little posessive dear .I understand if she interfers with your parenting style or trying to take away your kid you can .Be in her position to understand.How much ever Guys she rejectsits upto her.Ignore her comments and Your MIL .End of day its your DH and your SOn nobody can take it away from you .

 

hey veronica!!how r u you i m not surprised by ur SIL\s behaviour it actually feels bad but hey believe you me its ur DH u need to get a talk (a long one)with . i can say this coz i hv been in similar or u can say go through a situation worst then this daily but i got some of it fixed last weekend. here's what i went thru n did when i cudnt take it any longer.

i m a bihari n married another one but from a different district and my life changed my MIL is the culprit here. instead of talking to me my Hubby talks with her till i serve dinner at 10 pm on a daily base. she talks about everything right from who's not eaten what vegetable is cooked to what she talked with neighbours,and to add on what needs to be done if he needs to have a happy life with me eg less liberty less contact with my family...she even tells me what to wear....and whats more my hubby calmly listen and asks me to follow knowing the fact that i m from a backgroud with wider mind frame.my hubby looks after almost all his family which includes my 2 BIL their wives their 9 children my MIL and 3 cows..... the problem is my MIL ask what to make them eat, what shud they wear, where shall they study or what shud they study n how?? daily.....on the other hand my Hubby forgets to askwhat i like or wish he even forgets that he has some responsibility towards my family...... the children of my BIL are far grown up then their age..once while teaching them when i hit them they told they dont want me n i shud not be with their uncle......n my dearest Hubby asked meto go back to my place ......that was the time i closed all my senses from their side.... after a few weeks when i asked my hubby send me tickect to come to dubai he rejected as my MIL asked. that time i was pregnant of 2 months 3 weeks this went on till my delivery which i did at my papa's place coz my MIl wasnt their. finally when my hubby went to india she didnt let him meet me as i gave birth to a girl the point to note here is that their are 6 girl in total of my BILs apart from my child.....this is what i did then i didnt came back when he asked me to reach his place i had a goood chat over phone revealing what i went thru the whole 9 mnths n what hiis family did to me n his child n the result was he stopped talking to me coz here momtold i wud say all this in advance so she became good n me bad again.... then i searched for a job earned bucks and told him i cant take it any longer and with few helpings of circumstances i talked to him what i want for my family coz i m the one who left her family for him so if now he;s not happy its better to get on .......what else i started to make him realise every now and then that its me who's missing out on everything.........that its me whom he sworn to look after but is not doing so and that its us who r going to be 2gether not his nieces or mother. i did made him realise that his child has not been looked after like others.....what else i too stopped talking to my inlaws coz he never talks to my familynow he knows that i too exist n i too hv dreams needs.......... WELL MORAL OF THE STORY Take your stand n tell him u too r there n that he better start behaving coz its u who lost everything....ok
take care be strong and believe in urself pregnancy is beautiful u'll know it on the other side....best of luck.....post me if u hv any problem to makse him understand ok bye

 

Last but not least why do you want to blast her?? whats so great about you?? that you get to blast her?really?? you sound childish and immature...if yours was love marriage, or arranged marriage, there are always adjustments and understandings and changes needed in one or the other when in a relationship...why stress over what you did for him? you love him so you did what you can...same goes for him too right? he didnt leave you and run to his sister or get his sister and keep her in his house right? you only said he is supporting you at times...what else can a man do?

Veronica you are a woman. please be reasonable towards another woman. There are inlaws who make the DILs life miserable by involving in each n everything the DIL does...but in your case the interference is not there..and what you are feeling as interference is not really what it is....its just that she has no one to share ....may be she needs to make new friends....if she is not working, suggest she starts working, make new friends, or join a hobby class etc...to keep her occupied...Remember that you may or may not be remembered now, but during her happy times she sure would remember how you treated her....lend her that empathetic ear and support...you dont have to send tons of money to her..but that supporting word and ear would help a great deal to another woman. she may sound annoying or jealous to you....but for her all her dreams are shattered and to pick up those broken pieces it takes time...for some it tkaes long time...howeve rif you have that patience n perseverance you sure can help her settle down. dont say that she has to settle for anyone and shouldnt wait or shouldnt talk about choice etc....woul dyou say the same time if she was your sister??

Coming to she taking away your kid etc....yes you can lay down your rules on what to say /what not to say infront of your kid. tell openly that to your husband and inlaws and SIL. Remember this if you want to act matured and lay down rules, you also have to be matured in other areas i.e not letting these silly jealous stuff in your way.

think about it. By the way congratulations on your pregnancy and enjoy it..dont spoil your brain and life over your SIL....you only said she is happily moving on..give her some more time and she would settle down int eh way she would want to settle down.... you guys are making decisions for her about marriage which is a big thing but you dont like giving her decisions on small things like what to choose in clothes/cameras?? doesnt that sound wierd??isnt it supposed to be the other way round where you let her make bigger decisions in her life as she is the one who is supposed to be married and live with that man?

If you/ your husband are having differences, its not your SILs fault. you both have to figure out a way and come to terms with what can /c annot be changed/expected...specially I would appreciate if you grow up in terms of your thinking and approach and attitude.

You have a choice in life.......either you can be happy with what you have !!! or worry and spoil your life over what you dont have or what you cant change!!

 

Hi Veronica,

I have no personal experience of your situation, but I can put myself in your place and I understand where you're coming from. If my DH had a sister who was clinging on to him for every single decision, it would definitely get my goat! Yes, a bro-sis relationship can be special, but post-marriage I believe one should know one's boundaries even if you are siblings. A 32-yr old woman depending on her bro for the most trivial of decisions like dressing, etc is bizarre, leave alone sending pictures of herself! Do you guys live in a joint family? If you do, why on earth is she sending pictures to her bro??

While I understand that you have to be patient and kind to your SIL because of her tragic circumstances, you must also not let that become a crutch for her that she can use to take advantage of people. I know from personal experience how women without spouses can (consciously or unconsciously) act resentful or envious of happily married women. You must handle this sensitively in order to accommodate your SILs sorrow and guard the boundaries of your family. Having said that, her choice of husband is solely her prerogative. If she wants a good-looking man to marry her, then she has every right to wait until she finds one. Am sure she is well aware of her age and other social issues and maybe that's her choice!

Just be a confident woman and don't let such behavior affect your relationship with your DH. I see that you are kinda in a catch-22 situation...you'll be damned if you bring up this issue and damned if you let it fester within you! If I were in your place, I would discuss this with DH and let him know that he has to support and love his sis, but too much dependence on him is actually crippling the SIL and not helping her in any way. Leave it to your DH to decide where to draw the line.

Carol

 

Carol

Well said!!! exactly OP has to handle it sensitively and sensibly rather than just getting all worked up...I understand there might be some single woman who might be envious or act jealous and create rifts...but havent we seen married SILs acting this way?? so handling this situation should be no different right? If we want someone to grow up we have to show them that they are grown ups and in every walk of life we have to tell them they have to make decisions and stand up for themselves....this way we will be helping them indirectly. So instead of getting all upset, if veronica has softly handled all this by telling her SIL that she is independant, single, powerful , and she has to start making decisions and if she makes a mistake anytime her brother is always there is to guide her but the final decision should always be her SILs. if she had said this the SIL would have also felt more happy and things would have been different. we have to make other person independant in every aspect. married/unmarried. same rule for every woman. if someone acts incapable of decision making, training them and guiding them to make decisions will actually help the other person and also us in the long run. less friction and more peace