I would like to get advice from e-friends here.
Here is my story.
I got married into a joint family. My husband has got 2 elder brothers. Both co-sis are cousins and so all members are living like a big family. I am the only outsider.
Elder co- sis is a very broad minded person. She will crack jokes, talk about everything under the sky without even thinking about it. She will come half dressed from the bathroom, tie her pants in front of all.Shewill sit besides my hubby and talk and talk. I used to get irritated that hubby is giving her more attention. She will guide him. Husband is a loving guy and a good father to my two daughters.My daughters are just 6 years old and 4 years old.
We used to visit the family only during vacations. But each vacation my co - sis will make all my husbands fav dishes and i wl feel she is trying to rope him in. She will talk to all males without any hesitation. Crack all foul jokes.No limitations in front of anyone. Even my second co - sis does not like this habit of hers but she will tell behind her back. My dislike will be seen on my face.
My co- sister and we had gone to a foreign place for a vacation. We had gone to a water park where she came just in her bra and pants in front of my hubby. This whole episode irritated me to the core. I was very upset but my elder bro in law did not tell her anything.
She will always tell me that my husband is suffering a lot as he has got 2 daughters. She will tell my small daughters also that my husband has taken lots of loan.She went to the astrologer to ask if my husband will have a son.
She will not like if i cook, if someone praises me. She will tell bad about me to all members especially to her mom.Her mom will spread this to everyone in native. Most of the cousins in native think i m bad, stingy, hot tempered.
Recently, my father in law expired. We all had gone for performing the last rites.I told her that we cud have got Mother in law some earring in gold other than the red pearl and gold pearl which we had gifted her when our first child was born. She manipulated it 10 times and told that i have asked for the gold i made for my mil back. I swear on all the gods, even my children i did not ask for it. My mil , bil all shouted at me. My parents had come ...my mom was upset seeing all this. I fought back as i did not want to be blamed for things i did not do. My parents thought i m creating trouble.
They advised me to be good to all. My co-sis won everyone with her great talks.
But i was not to be left behind. I dared to call her, bro in law, my second bro- in law, my mother in law and my second co-sis , my hubby and asked her to tell the truth. She manipulated but truth won. She told i did not ask it but she thought i had wanted to ask.
This fire kept burning in her. After all rituals we left india to our place. I did call her two times after the episode..but she did not talk politely.
Then one day elder bro typed a long message in chat telling his wife is tellg hence forth meera, her parents no body shud come and stay in her house. She told i think she and my hubby is having an affair. Elder bro typed a big mail to my hubby telng his wife is upset and that i always create problems in family when i go for vacation.
I am straight forward and will tell what i like or not. But never i wanted the family to separate.
Now the situation is..we all are leading normal lives but co-sis will not talk to us at all. She does not want us to come for FIL'S death anniversary too.
No body from the house is talking to us. I rang her and told her yes i had a feeling she is flirting with my hubby..but later the trust i had on my husband won and i am sorry for my immature behaviour. She told i have spoiled her name and blamed her as a characterless woman...she is just free in nature and talks with all lovingly. She expects me to apologise for thnking her as a flirt. She says she wants me to fall on her feet.
She says i /my children/my husband shud not go and stay in her house when we go for vacation.
Now elder bro in law fought with all of us but now talks with children and hubby on the phone. Second co - sis also has gone far away from us. They do not call us anymore .
Everyone has discarded me. I feel so lonely. I apologised to all for any mistakes done by me.I wrote a mail to my elder bro in law explaining my insecurities which i had. But they say i have broken the joint family. Now they say they never want to meet me.
What should i do. My children will have no cousins. I wl have no one to help me in times of need. I wl have no place to go to when i go for vacation.
My co- sis is very adamant . She will not forgive me. but is the mistake only mine.
I feel like running away with my children. I feel like..... i can forget the episode but can t forgive as bro in law blames me for no actions done by me like breaking the family.
Do suggest what will you do..will you go to ur co-sis house. Now i feel for good or bad i should be away from them as now they are spreading the news that i broke the joint family. I dont want to give explanation to anyone. I just want to live a peaceful life. Are relatives so very important in life that we always need them or can we do without them?