Need advice...Please help

Why not shift your Mum to a near by place you live ?

 

I am with arsmummy on that? It would be a lot easier to move one person than a whole family. Also, has your mom indicated that she is feeling lonely and wants to live with one of her children? Does she have friends and activities of her own? Is she financially independent?

Have you thought about setting her up in one of those senior citizen homes where she can be independent, mobile and travel etc. exactly as if she were in her own home except she is living in a colony of similar aged and possibly people with similar interests...

My parents have a place like that and they stay there for part of the year when they are not travelling and visiting thier kids, relatives or pilgrimaging. In fact they have a really good friend circle there whom they travel with as well.

 

Dear sis andysmum,

your gesture of taking care of your mom is really praiseworthy and needs to be appreciated!

The thought itself is positive, considering your anxiety and the family circumstances, there are many options to look into.

First and foremost -one is to find out from your mom whether she is feeling lonely and would like to move about or looks for you to be around. There are many who are alone and would like to be' left to themselves'.

Before taking any decision, consult your other sisters and then decide otherwise you may end up in trouble.

From my experience I would say now that you are young and energetic : your mom as she gets old, may get into some health problems and your sisters who are away from the country may end up putting the responsibility of your mom at a later stage on you [ you live closer by ]and at that time you have no option but to curse you fate! At that time one cannot find a solution which are beyond our control. Let me make one thing clear, I am not in any way telling you NOT to take care of your mother but, in the long run since you are the one in India, you have to move your coins cautiously.


If your b-i-l is of marriageable age first try to find a partner so that your mil gets to divide her time between two sons and there are chances of your mother staying with you those days.

Secondly, there are hardly any Mothers-In -Law who would like to listen to their DIL and given our Indian tradition, it is better if you try to shift your mom closer to ur place, that way you can have personal attention.

Next is finding a trustworthy maid to be of help to your mom on an eight to eight shift basis,who would be with her at home as well going to temples, market etc.

You have to inform your mom of the dangers that lurk around if anyone stays alone and the precautions to be taken apart from posting you about her itinerary. In the mean time if you are working can drop at her place on regular basis, so it becomes easy for her tune herself to your visit. Other wise during day time you can just peep in.

It's not right on your path to expect your BIL ,DH and Mil to move to facilitate your mom. In this bargain you would be closer to your mom, no doubt about it but what will happen to your DH if he has to spend alot of time in commuting to office, won't it show on his relationship with you.?

You have not mentioned either about your mom's health status and nor of your children.

Given to understand that your mom is healthy, she can move around your place instead of shifting an entire battalion. If at all you have kids , you can for a change leave them at your mom's place for sometime and on the pretext of bringing them can call on her .

Look for programmes for elderly people , [sat-sang, bhajans, yoga and meditation classes etc ] in the neighbourhood so that if your mom's and MIL's taste are similar, they can venture out together and benefit from each other's company. If the taste and interests are similar they will gel well. Even otherwise take some pain to find out and try to make them see eye to eye, resistance to change will be there and change is the only permanent thing.

Or even you and your DH can chart out a tour programme for them to pilgrimage centers thro' packages tour and I am sure good beginning is good ending!

If both can start some classes related to cookery, embriodery, knitting etc, there is nothing like that. For that matter if she can visit some ashrams, and old age home for spending her leisure time, she may beat up loneliness.

Anyhow let's wait and watch, you can consider so many options placed in front of you and I am sure being in Bangalore you have more opportunities in future in store for you .

ALL THE BEST.

 

I will agree with all other ladies, first ask your mom's opinion, then proceed. okay I have one more question to ask you, why can't you visit your mom once/twice a week though it's lil far, that would be easy for everybody, think about your DH and BIL, if they move as per your wish, they have to travel every single day to their office. so, instead you take risk and go visit your mom at least twice a week. she will understand why you are not visiting everyday. good luck In my opinion, when everybody is happy with what they are doing right now, why to create a tension in btw

 

Even in this case, She can miove into a rented house near you and give her home to rent.

It is highly unlokely that your entire family will move.

 

Consider yourself lucky that at least you are in the same city as your Mom unlike your sisters. Are they getting agitated and asking their families to relocate ?
Look at the plus points .
Get proper help for her as she may not like to shift out from her home . You can consider having tenants who can give her company .Visit her often instead of creating problems for yourself.