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Close to 4 yrs of marriage and no kids...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011.

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  1. Jan 28, 2011 #1
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I need your advice ladies. Come July we have to go to India for a week to attend a small ceremony. Needless to say, everyone is going to ridicule me because i am not a mommy yet. They dont open their mouths when my DH is around but the moment he is out of earshot, these comments starts pouring in.

    Last year also it happened. There was a ladies ceremony and I was not allowed to give "aarti" to the would-be-mom because I am not a mom myself. And, this was conveyed to me in a very insulting way.

    This July its going to be close to 4 years...I am dreading right from the moment I came to know we have to go there. How should I counter attack?
     
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
    #1
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  2. Jan 28, 2011 #2
    pawarju

    pawarju Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Rakhii

    But why no kids? u couple don;t want it or anyone is having some issues. Lucky we are, we have treatments and medicines for All problems.

    Never loose hope. Don;t be in anxiety.

    regards
    judy
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2011
    pawarju, Jan 28, 2011
    pawarju, Jan 28, 2011
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  3. Jan 28, 2011 #3
    hobbes83

    hobbes83 Bronze IL'ite

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    Amazing because I was about to post a thread on the same topic. Hopefully I will also get some answers out of this thread of yours :)

    I will be visiting India in a month and I'm terrified beyond words to face relatives. Its been only a year since I got married but they have been asking for updates since month 1. Dreading my India trip, I can answer any comment but no clue on how to answer for baby questions.
     
    hobbes83, Jan 28, 2011
    hobbes83, Jan 28, 2011
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  4. Jan 28, 2011 #4
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    No issues Judy; its just taking time. Sometimes it happens right.

    Hobbes, the problem is, 2 years ago I told them that we were not trying and that we would start trying soon. The moment I said we are not trying yet, they started pouring in why its important to have kids ASAP.
    I took it in a stride...last India trip, we were still not trying. We had other issues to sort out and wanted to make sure that we are 100% sure about having a baby, both emotionally and financially.

    We thought we sholdnt visit India again until I conceive but this unavoidable thing came up now.
     
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
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  5. Jan 28, 2011 #5
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Who will ask you and how do they ask?
     
    Priya16, Jan 28, 2011
    Priya16, Jan 28, 2011
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  6. Jan 28, 2011 #6
    hobbes83

    hobbes83 Bronze IL'ite

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    Just tell them you would like to make sure you are well off financally before having a kid. I can understand your reasons because my DH is not going to bring up the topic of kids at least for 3 more years for the same reason :-(

    But I'm not sure how I'm going to respond to people when they ask me this question, looks like I'm dishing out advice to you when I need it too.

    Waiting to see what others will post though..
     
    hobbes83, Jan 28, 2011
    hobbes83, Jan 28, 2011
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  7. Jan 28, 2011 #7
    TimidlyConfidnt

    TimidlyConfidnt Gold IL'ite

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    Call him back and tell him in front of everyone that "so n so" want to know when are we having kids. That should shut them up.
     
    TimidlyConfidnt, Jan 28, 2011
    TimidlyConfidnt, Jan 28, 2011
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  8. Jan 28, 2011 #8
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    All my DH's relatives and a few of my side relatives too.

    Aunt (His side): So, when is the good news
    me: soon mami
    aunt: how soon?
    me: errr, soon
    aunt: I know a good doctor, I will take you there.
    me: Thank you but no, give me some time
    aunt: so, there is problem in trying to conceive then
    me: no
    aunt: Arre, Saroja, this one is having difficulty conceiving (sarcastically).
    Saroja: Sarita, did you hear, Rakhi is having trouble with not having kids
    me: Please...i dont have ANY problem

    Priya...I really dont feel like mentioning the hard words like barren etc, but I have been called that.
     
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
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  9. Jan 28, 2011 #9
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    If its possible, I will do that timidly. He actually gave one of our aunts a mouthful for calling me barren. But sometimes its just not possible to call him.
     
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
    Rakhii, Jan 28, 2011
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  10. Jan 28, 2011 #10
    pawarju

    pawarju Bronze IL'ite

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    In that case Rakhii, JUST IGNORE, People likes to talk ( they want chew and gossip) Just smile and get away.

    I know it is easy to say, But we cann;t goon explaining each and everyone the delay .......Just change the topic and show some delicate gold sets and this and that. The people can be easily diverted...

    Better ignore and say we want to save money and settle before kids come.

    I know it is very insulting by allowing to give aarti. IGNORE
    never live for others. Live for your happiness and satisfaction. Poeple talk today and tomorrow they forget.
    Regards
    Judy
     
    pawarju, Jan 28, 2011
    pawarju, Jan 28, 2011
    #10
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