issues with my mil. please help! how do i handle this

my mil has boundary issues. dh and i just got married over a year ago and she has come to live with us. how h is NOT an easy person to live with. AT ALL. it took me a year to develop a thick skin because he gets on my case about everything. i clean, dot he dishes, cook etc. but he will see one small thing point it out and say 'see you're not doing a good job' or he will be pretty brash with his words. he used to use a lot of curse words etc. it used to shock me and make me cry a LOT. he used to call me loser, f*cking b*tch. etc etc if he got mad. he once got mad because i said he should go ahead and meet one of his friends because i would rather not meet her as she is a pain. he got mad and started calling me psychotic etc. so what i do now is just let him rant and rave and he shuts up. he's EXTREMELY difficult but i have started to learn to ignore him when he's being... well... him. his sister and mother baby him to death and he screams at me in front of them.

now his mother is visiting us and shes basically a nice person but she's hopelesly old fashioned and has zero boundaries when it comes to her son. to her, she's the lady of the house, not me. i mad a miscarriage earlier this year ad i had asked my mother to come and help me. my mil told me absolutely no, my mother cant come because it was 'ashada masam' and people dont travel during them. if i want my sil can come and help. i said nothing and went ahead. now im pregnant again and she acts sooooo possessively over the baby as if i's hers. not to mention she has zero boundaries with me and dh. it's taken me a year to be able to get him to understand a bit that he cant yell at wil and he cant use abusive words.

when dh and i argue, mil butts in and starts yelling at me. i tell dh he may NEVER yell at me in front of someone else, he has to talk at me privately if he needs to sort something out. she got offended. she insists i sit and liste to dh yell on and on because if i leave 'im not a decent girl.' im pregnant, shouldnt she be yelling at her son for not being understanding? i told her i get tense and just need my space. her answer 'chichi, we put very little salt in our food. you will not get any bp or stress issues. just listen to him.' ARGH! but first of all it's none of her business. she CANNOT butt in to our conversations.

also i have severe morning sickness. she expects me to get up, and make sure he has eaten before eating myself even if it means i throw up.

also, she NEVER listens when i say i dont want food. i cant seem to stomach a lot of foods and she forces me to eat them. i say no a HUNDRED TIMES and she insists still i eat it. i end up throwing up the second it goes in my mouth. she feels content it went in even for a second because 'my body absorbed it all. just aks any doctor.'

she forces me to wait for my h to get out of the bathroom if im in a rush to get to work and am late for a meeting. why? because it's all about decency. i tell her ill text or call him. she ays im not brought up well and should learn.

i like to go out and hang out with my friends 2x a week after work because she insists we go to see my sil every weekend or if i make plans and say i cant come, she invites people over and so i am obligated to cancel my plans. so i NEED time away from my mil and dh sometimes so i just hang out and come back around 10. she goes off on me but my h is allowed to do whatever he wants.

she insists she wanted a very conservative dil because their family is conservative but she doesnt say a thing when dh has pics of his ex girlfriends etc. and they discuss all the women he is supposed to have gotten proposals from, etc. i dont drink, smoke, anything. i just like to hang out 2x a week. nothign else. but i am indecent. however, they can discuss all these things in front of me to great lengths.

im starting to resent her and her posesiveness over MY baby and my h. everyhting that we have come to udnerstand about each other, i feel she is undoing. and anytime i try to discuss her attitude with h or with her, either h gets defensive, or mil tells me she is experienced so i need to shut it as she knows best. she drives me up the wall. i just really need space from her sometimes. :drowning

 

see here's the thing. i have nothing with her being possessive, but there is a limit. it is MY baby NOT hers. she does NOT have the right to force me to eat things etc. and i find it extremely difficult with the whole double standard thing. yes she's deep down a good person but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to respect my boundaries, which i need her to. if she really didn't want to be less possessive she shouldnt have gotten her son married. when h and i argue, it is between US ONLY. she also starts getting agitated and the two yell at me. i dont appreciate that and i will not stand for it. whne i tell them their behaviour stresses me out their answer is 'you dont eat much salt so you wont have any bp or stress issues.' they drive me mad sometimes and they dont understand that they can be wrong.