Some confusion within myself........

Lot of advice was given in the previous thread right? Did you implement those? What happened after that thread?

Re-read that previous thread what posters have written to you on what you should do. They still apply in current situation.

 

Friend2009,
I just went through your other thread and I must say things have changed a lot in last one year for you. You got what you wanted. Your parents came and stayed with you. Now they are staying in the same city as your wife and kids. They are getting to meet their kids more often than they did in the past. Your wife is doing much more for your parents than she did in last 10 yrs.
But, you are still not happy. From your wife's point of view, even if she meets them more often, you might still not be happy. If she stays with them permanently, there still might be issues to make you unhappy with her.
Don't spoil your married life trying to be a man. Being a man doesn't mean nagging your wife to please you and your parents.:hide: You are in USA, your wife is in India. Unless, she has great relationship with her ILs, any woman would want to spend time with her own parents and kids rather than with in laws. When you come back, then you could visit your parents more often with your family.

 

I agree with monita. no matter what you do, some people may feel you could have done more.
she rushed to your parents help and took care of them. she's there when they need.

 

Friend2009,

I went through your other thread also.But something seems to be missing in your thread.

She had admitted them to hospital and taken care of them.What else do you require?She was there when there was a need right?

• When your wife does not call your parents,do they call her up to enquire about her?
• How do they behave to her when you are not there?
• Do the kids like your parents?Kids are very smart.They can easily identify who is good to them and who is not(even if you say 100 bad things about a particular reason)
• Do they call up regularly to speak to the kids?

I agree with monita.Being a man does not been taunting your wife.You should be able to resolve the problems in a "manly"(man or a woman) way.

 

Friend2009,
You should tell your wife - The above are totally not acceptable.
If you dont say it now, who do you think will say it??

I will only tell you one thing friend2009 - if you cannot stand up and put your foot down on these clearly unacceptable things, nothing will change or improve.

Dont hide under the veil of "I dont want to create any mess in my married life but at the same time I want my wife to be more understanding towards my parents and hence this turmoil."

Thats an useless veil. Establish what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, else such unacceptable things will continue. As amply evident from your last thread, your wife does not know the meaning of how to be fair, so if you fail to establish it, it is a goner.

Sitting and trying to "I dont want to do X, but at the same time I want Y" is U.S.E.L.E.S.S.



PS:
Yes, she put them in a hospital, so she has basic humanity and was decent to do that. Good - But that alone is not sufficient, she needs to integrate better with the family. Marriage involves a family, not just you (the husband). When is she going to understand that!!??

 

Frankly, You are the one to be blamed for this mess friend2009.
Since she knows very well, you will hide and cower behind the "I dont want anything to mess up" veil.

 

Spidey , Don't you think he needs to identify the root cause for the strong aversion?Even in the other thread he has mentioned that the reasons his wife gave were rubbish.But he did not mention what were the reasons put forth.

If it is just that she likes enjoying with her folks,I agree with you.

But if she has a strong reason for not visiting his parents , he needs to work out on that.If the kids do not want to go to his house , then he has a serious problem which he has to work it out.

 

He has mentioned some things in his other thread. She seems to scoff that they are old fashioned and about amenities in their house etc.

Is she Queen Elizabeth?

This is the person she married and they are his parents, and thats their house. She needs to learn humility and respect and not do the snobbish behavior.

In anycase, looks like our man (f2009) moved them out of that old house, so she does not even have that "Oh, me the Queen Elizabeth, lacks the amenities" excuse anymore.

From his thread, it did not appear that there were any ill treating done by his inlaws.

But yep, if there ARE any other ROOT cause or illtreatment, that needs to be addressed - I agree. However, I get the feeling it is more a pampered girl trying to act snooty. If thats the case, put her in her place and she'll need to get used to some non-pampered life where she does not always get her way.

Only friend2009 will know the correct situation on which of these cases it falls under.