MILs also come under peer pressure

In the 1960's when I was newly married my mil was subject to peer pressure. I was working in Madras Telephones at that time. My mils' relatives brainwashed her telling that I would not give respect to her and would treat her very badly. Hence she told me to resign my job. Though I was assured to get the transfer I had to resign my job.
After a few months of my marriage, winter season was approaching in Jamshedpur and so one evening when we went out for shopping with my hubby and mil, they purchased a shawl for me. When we returned home my mil told the landlady about this and she told her that it was not good to buy things for dil and sooner she would take everything granted. Basically my mil was a good lady, but due to peer pressure sometimes she wanted to show her authority. Hence do not blame mils and have pity on them.
Pushpavalli

I do agree that your mil was under peer pressure and not being educated, could not apply her own mind. But the same cannot be said about modern mils who are well educated and can think for themselves. But still, I do pity them because they are losing out on the joys of life over petty issues. Read some of the contributions of young ilites in the marriage, spouses and in-laws section.

Originally Posted by Malathijagan

I do agree that your mil was under peer pressure and not being educated, could not apply her own mind. But the same cannot be said about modern mils who are well educated and can think for themselves. But still, I do pity them because they are losing out on the joys of life over petty issues. Read some of the contributions of young ilites in the marriage, spouses and in-laws section.

Hi Malathi,
I read the threads mentioned by you. I am sad to note that even well educated, highly paid, MNC employed spouses also behave in unethical manner. So there is no wonder if educated in laws ( I mean both mil and fil) treat the dils badly.
The media had exposed high society people, even ministers and judges also in dowry and other cases.. So I feel that education is not the measurement scale for this kind of behaviour.

Hi friends,

I do agree that MIL's get drawn into peer pressure and brain washing. But it is upto them to resist bad advice. Education does not change any person, atleast as far as Indian society goes. Most MIL's exhibit bad behaviour because of an insecure feeling within themselves.

Pushpavalli
Thanks for this thread.
Its given me a new perspective. I never ever thought of it this way. I always thought that all MIL's are that way and never thought of it in this angle.
Different perspective. thanks
anandchitra

I agree with Nivedi, that some in-laws' rude behavior is due to insecurity. But do they ever think that insecured behavior affects their DiL's and that in turn affects their own sons. I am sorry that I have to disagree that in-laws have to be educated to know which is good and which is bad. Being human is basic thing. I know some in-laws who are uneducated but they are very good to their daughter in laws(lucky).

Originally Posted by nivedi

Hi friends,

I do agree that MIL's get drawn into peer pressure and brain washing. But it is upto them to resist bad advice. Education does not change any person, atleast as far as Indian society goes. Most MIL's exhibit bad behaviour because of an insecure feeling within themselves.

I agree fully with you. Most of the mils have in secure feeling. Hence they arm themselves with offensive ways to show their authority.
Love,
Pushpavalli

Hi ,

Accepted that MILs under pressure do few things to DIL.....Education need not differentiate their behaviour....
Still, most of the MILs forget that they were once DILs , but they never try to realise the feelings of their DILs.....This happens in most of the cases.
Insecure feeling plays a primary role here.I have seen and heard of very few MILs who appreciate their DILs...eventhough they feel that my DIL has done a good job they does not appreciate frankly , hence most of the DILs mostly speak abt bad things in MIL even though they are equally or bit good ......
Before marriage her son is the sole property of MIL .After marriage when a girl comes and showers lve and affection on her husband, MIL 's behaviour changes. Eventhough the girl takes extreme care of her husband, MIL is intended to find some fault ....sometimes the fault may be so silly still it would be made as big issue and reported to whomever is visting the home......

I have faced all these problems....I am very possessive towards my husband and my MIL is too much possessive towarsd her son,,,this has created lot of confusions and problems at home initial days of marriage sicne both of us (myself and MIL )used to make a sort of fight to show our love towards this relation......
Even after 4 yrs of marriage this continues.....
This does not mean that MIL shd stop doing things to her son , but to have a feeling that DIL is there to take care...

Whenever my husband supports me , she says his attitude has changed and she tries to compare his pre marital attitude ,,,,Frankly, she is bit upset when my husband shares his love between his mother and wife...

Originally Posted by anandchitra

Pushpavalli
Thanks for this thread.
Its given me a new perspective. I never ever thought of it this way. I always thought that all MIL's are that way and never thought of it in this angle.
Different perspective. thanks
anandchitra

Dear Anandchithra,
My personal experience only made me to think on this new perspective of peer pressure. All MILs are not basically bad. Insecurity is also a reason for bad behaviour.
Love,
Pushpavalli

Originally Posted by Sindhuja

I agree with Nivedi, that some in-laws' rude behavior is due to insecurity. But do they ever think that insecured behavior affects their DiL's and that in turn affects their own sons. I am sorry that I have to disagree that in-laws have to be educated to know which is good and which is bad. Being human is basic thing. I know some in-laws who are uneducated but they are very good to their daughter in laws(lucky).

Dear Sindhu,
As you say not education , but only the different human qualities are responsible for the good or bad behaviour. All educated MILs are not good and all under educated MILs are not bad. Lucky are those who have good MILs and at the same time I have to say that lucky are those MILs who have good DILs.
Love,
Pushpavalli