Burning minimal bridges...

Maggie2009 · Aug 4, 2010

Hi all,

I had posted earlier about my share of mother-in-law hell a few months ago..

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/93500-my-story-feeling-lost.html

All your replies gave me a much needed confidence boost about myself and that am not doing anything wrong by deserving some peace and happiness.
The update is that,my husband has given up trying to bring about a change in his mom's attitude..constant cruel comments, rude behavior and negativity from her side has started creating mild friction in our relationship which by itself doesn't have any other problems....
she shouts- i ignore-she curses-i ignore- i bottle up anger and resentment-i get depressed-i take it out on him-he listens patiently and understands-things seem ok...then the next day
she shouts,curses- i ignore- i bottle up....
Crazy pattern repeats itself everyday and i feel we end up discussing her more than discussing about ourselves.

So, the only solution seems to be moving out and staying separately in the same building-which is a kind of win/win where we get to take care of them in sickness and old age ( which i totally understand and support) but still have our own household and are able to breathe in peace and feel like actually coming back home every evening.We both feel that this space is needed for us to lead our life with more positivity and good cheer which is now missing due to her dementor-like attitude.

Now, why am here is I just cant take another showdown with her-executed in her own dramatic style of suicide threats, feigned illnesses ( has happened thrice before) and ofcourse her signature caustic verbal abuse.Need advice on whether there are any civilized ways to do this...given her nature. Afterall, all i want is my own sanity intact and definitely not a cutoff in relationship.Hope to learn ways to emerge out of this stronger and wiser..

dhivya rangarajan · Aug 4, 2010

Hey Maggie!

The going sounds great. Trust me, I am the same exact situation, except that the shouting matches don't happen everyday. But they do happen, especially, the attack is on my parents and relatives - it REALLY hurts. And sometimes it becomes character assault on me too :roll: :roll: :roll:

But, my DH is a cool egg and a pillar of strength, and me, just like you, feel so guilty about moving out. Reading ur earlier and this current post, gives a breezy feeling and hope!!!

Staying in the same building but still away, is such a great compromising middle path and solves sooo many things!!!

I am very happy for you, dear... Go ahead, and enjoy the best time of your life!! :thumbsup

Maggie2009 · Aug 4, 2010

Thanks Divya

I haven't crossed half the hurdles yet...dreading "the talk" with in-laws about bringing about the move.The drama queen that she is, don't know what I need to do to insulate myself from the ultimate showdown:hide:
Hoping ILs share their experiences on how they faced and tackled similar situations..

Good to know your dh is also a total rock to you and hugs to you to keep your head and spirit over all this...just remember that he is the most important primary relationship in your life and as long as he is good to you and treats you with respect, ignore the others..they can only talk and talk-think of it as an annoying mamiyar marumagal serial running in the background.

Cheers,
Maggie