heartless MIL

First, How old is your son?

 

10yr old sleeping like a log!!

You are a bad mother. 100%. You are letting your MIL ruin your kids life. Whats stopping you from taking control? Why did this nasty thing of 'not doing anything' become a routine??

(Sorry, didnt mean to be offensive. What I mean is, you a just being a spectator when someone else is doing bad to your child. You need to protect your child. He is losing his precious childhood to his granny who is treating him like an infant. )

Stand up and get that kid out of bed. My 2yr old sleeps less than him. Take him out for long walks or to a park and spend time with him. Looks like your MIL is his mom and you are his nanny. Be his mom. Talk to him, be his friend. Tell him inspriring stories. Get him to think about future, his aspirations and teach him to enjoy 'learning'. not for the sake of exams, but for the vast amount of knowledge books contain!!

 

I think u need to take control of ur life dear...u r not a bad mother...just that u r living wth a difficult person

I would suggest that u discuss this prob with ur dh. tell him that ds is not having any activity which is essential for a child of his age. DO NOT bring his mom into the conversation. Just very seriously talk to him about the unhealthy lifestyle that ds is leading. Trust me that if u put this prob in front of dh in the right way he will understand.

@tulipzz: i think ur post was insensitive. Being a mother urself how can u call another mother a bad mother? I am shocked. Put urself in the other persons shoes then comment upon his or her prob. Do not become offensive.JMO.

 

OP,

The issue here is difference in opinion between you and MIL on raising kids.

IMO, parents have the final word on how to raise kids. Others can suggest, but finally it is your kid and you decide what is best for him.

You are not wrong in asking your 10 yr old to study for exams. How else will he pass his exams? If he is going to get used to the habit of just eating and sleeping after school , not going for extra curriculars then your MIL is pampering him and he will soon end up as a couch-potatoe.

The key is to set expectations clear and be assertive. You are the mother and you have the final say. Dont let her say things like - "You are a bad mother". Next time she does that dont just keep quiet.Tell her clearly that she has no right to judge you. It is your biological son, you have taken the pains to raise him till now and it is none of anyone else's business to judge you.

My MIL used to find faults with how I raise my infant. She hinted that I am a bad mother because I made the baby wear diapers .The baby spits out something he doesnt like ,he cries for something, he gets diarrhea - everything is my fault.

I feel it is just the MIL's possesiveness and she is using the child as a medium to make the DIL appear wrong in front of rest of the family by labelling her as "bad mother"

 

Like others have said you should standup and take control of your son's lifestyle.
I guess you are a working Mom and so far your MIL might have helped you alot in raising your son. Maybe your MIL is having a hard time to let go of the baby stage and give him resposibilities of a pre teen.
First, You should talk to your H. Calmly in privacy tell him your concerns. Make sure not to complain or accuse your MIL. Just speak what your concerns are about your Son. Talk to your H about your dreams and aspirations about your son. I am sure your H would have some dreams about him too.
Once you both talk and decide how to take care of your son in his education and activities put it into action. Don't pay any attention to your MIL's comment.
Good luck.

 

Dear Op

Here u need not ask your MIL's permission, he was fine so you sent him to school as u were worried because of his exams and u need not feel guilty coz u din'nt answer your MIL properly or was rude to her, she irritated u and you behaved like that so I feel even apology was not neccessary.

How can she set up rules as to how u have to bring up your son, she has right to given only her opinions and not impose rules, he is your son and you r worried about his future as a mother. You have all the right to put in dance classes and also make him study for his exams.

Your son has already started to enjoy the pampering from his grand mom, better change his ways immediately before it is to late. Dont bother about your MIL's comments and ruin your own son's future.

 

Your MIL taking control of your son's life should not be entertained.I think you are a working mother.Please take the control.Start to talk,play,prepare food items of his choice and do whatever he likes.

Mother should be a mother and grand mother should be a grand mother.She should know her limits.PERIOD.

 

This is a very common problem faced by a lot of working mothers who leave their kids under the care of grandparents. Since the grandparents take care of your son in your absence, they are bound to feel strongly about how he should be brought up! These are some of the minor issues that come up when you want your own people to take care of the kid. You either have to overlook these, if you want your son to be taken care with the grandparents love or quit your job and take full responsibility of your kid, then you are free to make your kid do the things that you want!

You cannot expect your MIL to take care of the kid and also expect her to do it your way! Its your call.........decide what's important for you..job or a proper upbringing of your child!!

Cheers