Evil thought killing me please help

Hi Sai,
Don't worry. You are scared of thinking anything negative and eventually end up thinking negative things. Have you tried yoga and meditation. They really help you relax your mind and control it. In normal day to day life, if some negative feelings creep your mind, distract it by singing some songs or chanting Sai's name.
You can join any laughing club. The laughter stimulates the nerves in the brain and eliminate negativity from the mind. You are fine. You have to eliminate the feeling that you will think anything negative.
Read Sai Satcharitra...atleast one chapter everyday. Excersise everyday. Engage yourself in some activities. Then your mind will not be idle and you will have no room for negative thoughts.

God Bless you

 

Do no lose faith in God...Because there is a power which created the very universe...so do not question...
Listen to some powerfull chants and mantras...feel the spirituality..
follow the customs of prayers..lighting lamps , pooja..
Because when everything is turned upside down..all we can turn to is God...
watch this movie called "God's Not Dead"...
God take many forms in life...sometimes when some stranger helps you when you fall..he is your god for that day...
sometimes when someone do something happy for you..and support you in bad times..they are your god..
God is everywhere....Just believe...

 

Dear Sister, the fact that you are so much afraid that god doesnt love you shows how much love you have towards god. That is enough for him to know and more then a perfectly performed pooja. Dont worry too much about such thoughts. Everyone has them from time to time, silly thoughts that pop up in ones mind.. we just leave them and go on. You try too hard i feel, relax a little.

May i ask how old your son is? How old was he when you thought about killing you both together? Im just asking because you might even have a postnatale depression, an undetected postnatale depression can lead to such problems.

Did you have such thoughts during pooja since childhood or did it start recently / after delivery etc.?

Are those thoughts during pooja the only ones that bothering you or is there something else?
What would be exactly better if you are in an ashram and why you exactly think you are a bad wife and mother? For me so far you seem to care a lot otherwise you wouldnt be concerned you might be bad for your belofed ones, bad people dont feel that way.

What doctor did you visit? a psychologist? did he diagnose something?

Whats your husbands opinion?

Im sorry for your hubbies loss and im sorry too that your relatives pass such comments, try to ignore them as hard it is. There will always be some who are jealous of us and wish to see us unhappy - and you know what? Those are the people who act against gods wish and gain bad karma, thats atleast what i beliefe. Being thankfull is a very good trait and in comparison to some people in your surrounding you seem to have that, god will appreciate that a lot.
If you dont want to answer these questions in public do for yourself or just ignore them.

 

@saibaba24... Don't worry.. God is not to be feared but loved.

Have you not heard about story of Saakiya nayanaar who literally threw stones on Siva Lingaa.. He is one of the nayannars.. God doesn't judge anyone. He is mercy personified. The moment you stop thinking that you are a sinner and God will punish you.. all your negative thoughts will vanish....You have to distract yourself whenever such thoughts cloud you. You will be fine ...Trust me.. Or.. whatever you think.. allow that thinking to flow freely...instead of restricting at least once.. After you let it go.. Probably you will feel better..
When did you start getting these feelings ? Is it after your child birth ? Because it sounds like an untreated postpartum depression.

 

Hi OP,

I know some body with this type of problems. Please don't neglect these symptoms. Please visit a psychiatrist immediately. If you live in small town like Hosur, those doctors can't help you. Please go to Bangalore and see St.Johns etc hospitals. Please tell ur husband to take u to Bangalore and show u to good doctors. u need ur husband/parents help here. I am telling with some knowledge. So please don't get me wrong. Ur thought process becomes good with treatment.
Please take care of ur self.

 

Please calm down and relax. At one point of time each and every one might have felt that it is a waste to live. But then it may just be a passing thought and is to be brushed away. or else it will lay a strong foundation and build on its own and demolish on its own.

Before diverting your mind to religious or yoga or meditation, you need to analyse where did this stem from - root cause analysis. With out knowing that, there is no permanent solution to it.

Do spend time for yourself and try finding that, counselling sessions are also supposed to do that before coming to the solution. Cheer up, you can find that and arrive at a solution soon. In the meantime keep yourself occupied with something that interests you and keeps you occupied. You have a nice family and just think about them, don't you think they would need you and they are there to love you.

If you just jump to a solution, you are harming yourself further. It's like taking antibiotic and suppressing rather than curing. Do find the reason and then move to a solution.

 

@saibaba24 sister,

:welcome to IL family, glad you dropped in here, that you will find solace.

Being a Sai Devotee, I would suggest swallow a pinch of Udhi in morning and before going to bed, close your eyes in front of Sai's photo or Idol and run in mind the thoughts " Baba you are my Saviour, Please take care of me" Repeat this everyday and feel blessed.

If your thoughts divert, bring it back and think of Guru Sayee, you will calm down, As others suggested please take professional help as well.

Will keep you in prayers and May Baba guide you and give you all the strength to ward off evil thoughts ever, Aum Sairam

 

Being positive takes lot of work and practice. Why would anyone just brush this off, especially Doctors?

This is normal, at least in the beginning stages. When we start to turn to God, the negativity in our mind will fight us very hard.

The devil will fight you HARDEST when he knows you are about to win.

When I have horrifying negative thoughts, I fight them and say, "I am a winner, the devil knows I am winning, and that is why that coward is fighting me hard. But God is biggest and He makes final decisions"

They don't help you get at the root of the problem. They make you talk for an hour, take your money, and you are back at square one.

At least a psychologist who uses mindfulness techniques would be worthwhile

Ok this is normal and you are a good person.

The mind is quite turbulent, and who knows how long it will take to calm down.

You have to dig your heels and and declare that "ok, maybe I'm being attacked by negative thoughts, but I am going to sit here in front of my God"

Of course there is a dark, negative force making you think this. You are closer to happiness and all good things than you realize, and the negative force is fighting in hopes that you don't see that happiness and blessings with your name on it.

This same dark, negative force attacks all of us, and in waves too! Eventually, the negative force get's overpowered by our acknowledgement of God's presence.

Who told you that lie? And why do you believe it?

Maybe you can go to a spiritual retreat for about a few weeks if you can make proper arrangements. Sure beats psychologist

Haters gonna hate. We all have relatives like that, they are a mixed bag.

This shows the type of human beings they are

You and your husband experienced the ups and downs of life, and people are jealous of your happiness. Where are these people when you are crying?

Is there a spiritual retreat nearby where you can be around like-minded people who can help you help yourself

God WANTS you to pray to HIM. It's the dark, evil forces that are trying to stop you. They know that when you pray to God, when you praise God, you get all the Happiness you can ever ask for.

Evil forces fight you, you must fight back by praying to God. After all, God made, you, God put you on this Earth, it is your Right to pray to God.

This too shall pass ........