Hi alll, im married for 10 years now...when she is not around me i did poojas... my fil died 1 year before my marriage.... after the retirement as a school teacher she ejoined us...she wanted to hold everything about the house..... she just uses me as a servant...she acts as a possessive, depressed lady inorder to handle all the things to her. she only does all the puja things and never dared myself to interfere in the pooja room and light lamp...as she naggs that room is becoming greasy .... inspite of dil myself there...she puts haldi and kumkum to gadapa for all festivals... in sravan maasam she feels very very bad and feel tensed that may be i will do it...she wil creatae drama and cry on that day for her life. and she feels embarassed for her life.....so i nevr did all sravan maasam poojas tooo..... i feel very regretting ...how long i have to avoid myself from pujas.... whata is this life..im from most traditionally house..... i feel terribly awkward when she dominates me in all those poojas ....as she says she is head of the family..as long as she lives she has the right over pooja room..... i dont get at alll....i put posters of GOD in my bedroom and recite slokas...thats alll im in my shani mahadasha with just shani antar dasa completed please let me know urs reviews...anybody know these types of women or experienced to this possessive type... thanks all.
Sorry to be rude .. Tell her you are planning to install a pooja room in your own room and do all the prayers if she wont allow you to even light a lamp in the pooja room ... May be your MIL is totally lost after loosing her soulmate and doesn't know how to overcome the grief ... May be she needs some professional help on grievance ... I feel she is feeling insecured ...
I agree with Hasini. You can tel her that everyone has a right to pray and if she does not allow you to enter the pooja room then you will set one yourself. Since your MIL has now retired, there may be a possibility that she misses her job and just because she has nothing much to do, she is now focused on the house completely. Why dont you encourage her to take up tuitions for kids. That will help divert her attention from these issues and will also keep her mind occupied.
Hi ladies, Its not like that. she did the job becoz she ha sto get the money i guess....anyway she is only concerned about her son, her daughter and daughters .daughter.....u can check older posts of mine.....i have lived and scrificied enough life for her possessiveness...and saddistic behavaiour....now no more interested in life.. only thing i feel is im every second preoccupied about her words, deeds which insulted me..bad words she used... i have another plan...i have 2 kids, and for my dd i have to do first headshave..after that im planning to start to do all the things which i can do....and firstofall i want to put tulasi on upstairs and do poja daily...after that slowly i can gain confidence and give replies for her when she questions... thanq ladies..
Dear Rojarani May be your MIL is reeling under depression after death of your FIL or post job/retirement. It takes quite time to come over it. May be it is time for you to have a chat regarding issues/differences you both are having. But before you do that have a talk with your DH or any MIL related person about her behavior. Sort out all these problematic issues straight with her. Since you are married for 10 years. I think you have given enough time and patience. All MILS at one time or other are possessive. Time heals everything. Even I am married for 10+ years. Had few hiccups but patience and time heals everything. Today I more comfortable with MIL than my parents. Try to send your MIL for vacation/Teertha Yatra/Relatives’s home for change of atmosphere. Suggest her gently to have an avocation like going to parayans/satsung. As suggested by RKG, may be teaching kids will help . If you talk about tuitions- money is involved, things may flare up. Try to be gentle. Coming to Shani mahadasa- Praying Anjaneya Swami /Lord shiva will help. Reading sundarakanda will give you peace of mind. Don’t think too much about dasas and antar dasas. In your life one dasa comes after another which may or may not be favourable. All the best :thumbsup
Rojarani I beg to differ here, I have been through the same situation the problem here is not that MIL is depressed abt her loss or something she plainly does not like you sorry to be blunt and that age ( she has retired na so 58-60) some MILs are ridden with envy and they can stoop so low that they start thinking that if u pray too maybe you get more blessings than them, just tell her that she may be the head of the family but you have been doing the poojas and would continue to do so and that only good has happened to her son when you have done the pooja
Hi saras i know , i too thought se is depressed , when i had 2 abortions becoz of her torture and is pregnant... she was very rude that she used to scold that i ate before her (only once i did it)...so my husband took her meditation and some 15 days programme class... i missed my husband all the time , when he takes her for classess and all other times also he makes a point to spend time with her even adter te classess finished, just one day asusual she started fight and dtold goodbye and went somewhere and created lot of tension for my husband roaming where she is..... this all happened duriing my prgenancy.... she expects teerta yatra with my husband alaone ..... she is totally selfish i came to know her true colours..... ofcourse i started removing her from my life anyway she made me totally helll....thanq for suggesting sundarakanda, yeah im too planning to read but can u tell me how many chapters can i read for 1 day, as i have 2 year dd in home..i can spend only some time... i want to know the procedure to start sundarakanda... emerald44, write they feel that we get more blessings and try to make us divert by creataing different situations.... anyway ..GOD is the supreme power....he will guide us in good path if we make a point that we should not go in a negataive. route.. thanq .
Hi Rojarani, sorry to hear about u suffering like this. My mil too used to be like this, when she started living with us she wud get up early and start doing puja so i cud not do it and she would try to take charge of house and stuff, i was quite for a while but then i jus had a sit with her and talked about the issues...we had a few arguments but i did not give up i sat there and spoke my heart out....i told her i respect her alot but i am the dil of this house, if i cant do stuff in my house then what house can i take charge of??? i am not saying i will do it all...i told her that we should both do it as that way we both happy...so she would do puja in morning i wud do in eve, she would make sabji one day i wud make chappati and vice versa...and now yes we do have occasional arguments but i jus hug her and make up. What i would say to ur MIL is...luk yes she is elder in family...she should be guiding your family not taking it away from you...i would probably start being a bit firm with her to show her that yes u can be a gud dil and suffer but u are also a mother and wife and she cannot take ur right from u...as ur children will learn what they see in ur house...tel her she has had her chance being a dil and now it is ur chance...then jus start doing ur puja...NO ONE can stop anyone doing puja to god, if i was u i wud jus wake up one morning and do puja before her....as she will make a fuss of that..tell her that in which holy book is it written that only elder person of family does puja and not anyone else...untill she cannot prove that u will do puja in puja room, she may be the mil but u are the laxmi of the house.. tell her ur not stopping her she can do it before or after u but u have right to pray to god as any other person in this world...her stopping a person doing puja is jus making her commit sin....dont be nasty if she says bad things jus smile it off in front of her but dnt answer back as ur dh can get angry with u...jus stand ur ground but show respect to her at same time...at times try to do stuff with her, try one day to jus go up to her and give her a hug...lol it might sound funny now but perhaps she jus needs her heart melting....cuz thts wat i do wen my mil is angry with me i jus give her a big hug and keep hugging her till she laughs...so trust me jus open up to her it might jus help....
Dear rojarani I sometimes wonder about God's Play in our lives. I see lot of girls who get upset because their MIL accuse them of not following the rituals (ofcourse the MIL in those cases are not going to be happy even if they do that. that is a different point altogether) Now i hear a girl who likes to do and follow the rituals and the MIL is like this. What to do with these people? I would strongly suggest that you do what you feel you have to do and feel happy. All the best to you love shoba
Dear Rojarani I am strongly feeling for you. I think its time you stand up for yourself. Its bad that you had two abortions because of her tensions and stress. be strong. You seem to have a lot of faith in God. Continue your prayers and he will be there for you. Just remember that if u cannot follow any ritual, dont feel bad. God is always in our heart and not necessarily through idols and customs. You can talk to him even when you dont have a picture of him near you. My hugs to you
