Are kids worth it?

Pretty strange question right?

During the summer, myself and my husband went to Italy on vacation. We met a Italian friend of my husband and his wife. They are married for 10 years and don't have kids. It is not that they can't have kids, but they don't want kids!

They said with a straight face that kids are not worth the trouble! At first I thought they were joking. But they were pretty clear-headed as to their decision. They felt that they are more happy as couples than they would be as parents. They feel that kids are such a commitment that it will ruin their lives as individuals. According to them, as soon as a kid is born they stop living for them and start living for the kid. Life - for them - is too short to live for others!

Driving back from their house, we felt that his friend and his wife were eccentric. We later realized that this is an attitude that is shared by many couples in Italy. That is why Italy has the lowest birth rate in the western world!

While amusing, I just wanted to ask what you all feel about this attitude. Are kids worth it?

Hi Reshna,

That's a tough question...not so easy to answer in few lines.

However, if this question was aked by our parents we would not be there to enjoy life today. There is an age for everything - some part of our life we spend for ourselves and the rest of the live we need to live for our kids.

Italians may be is yet to realize it!

I really think its worth it...

Before I had my son(who is going to be 3 in November),I was also very sceptical about having a kid...the usual things like losing freedom,not being able to do something when you want it etc. etc...

I was going for aerobic and yoga classes at that time and that was when I discovered that I was going to have a baby...I desperately wanted to lose weight and here I was ...the doctor told me to stop aerobics.

I was frustrated but one thing I was certain about...if God has willed it this way,then so be it.From then,I changed from outlook and started doing everything to have a safe delivery.

Today,I am so happy whenever my son talks,blabbers something,does something new ...anything for that matter.This is what happens to any mother,I guess.
Anybody who has a kid,I am sure,will agree with me on this.

The joy of bringing a life to this earth is something which has to be felt to be believed.

Madhu, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. Nobody can give a better comparison than what you have given. Though we would have a long generation gap between ourselves and parents, we need to always remember that our parents are the one who laid the foundation of our lives.

Sunita, your views are equally appreciable. To share this wonderful news with you...I am on my family way (Pregnant for 5 months). I can feel the life developing in me and I feel so proud about it that god has blessed me with an ability to create life within me. It’s such a wonderful feeling to be a mother. Me and my better half had decided to have a baby only after 2 years of our married life due to personal reasons. During these 2 years, we lived the best of our life. Now, we are prepared to welcome the cute little angle who is going to shine our lives. Initially, I had few mood swings and many times, I would feel that why did I get into all this. But the moment I heard my baby's heartbeat...My heart started melting. Now I care about nothing but only for my baby. Those Italian couples are living a life in a garden without roses just because the roses contain thorns and hence they are not prepared to enjoy the beauty of the rose.

Regards

Lakshmi Vinoth

Hi Reshna,

Kids are definitely worth of anything and everything!

I was blessed with my son a year after my marriage. I used to always think during my pregnancy that we were in a hurry for a kid and should have planned it well. I used to think I will not have anymore personal space or time for myself.

But believe me it all changed the moment I gave birth to him. It is really a wonderful blessing to bring a life on this earth. Though the initial few months to a year is difficult in bringing up the kids, it is a wonder to see them grow, watch their first step, hear the first word they spell out, etc. When I joined him in school, I enjoyed getting him ready to school and the first day I sent him to school it was as though he was going for doing an unimaginable not so easy task

Kids are really full of joy and fun - these Italians are going to miss it if they don't think about it.

Dear Reshan,
It is no wonder that the Italian couple thought like that, May be their parents felt the same about them. They do not believe in values like ours. I had my son after 4 years of marriage. You cannot imagine how I felt all those years. I was a woman who very much wanted to give birth to a baby in the natural way, with all the labour pains etc. I had been dreaming of becoming a mother. Both my husband and myself were young and he didnot have any bad habits. We did anything and everything people told us to do. I felt very dejected and did not like to even celebrate festivals as they were boring without a child. We went to Thirukarukkavoor Temple and after that we were blessed with a child. But the child was born prematurely and he had lots of complications and I was in the hospital for 3 months with him. I had spent sleepless nights (literally) as I have to feed him every one hour and he takes one hour to drink milk. He had even Madras eye infection on the third day he was born. I stayed with him all the time in his room with the nurse and talked to him all the time, telling him again and again to tell God that he will not come to God, but stay with his mummy only. In the meantime I just neglected my health also
Later when he was around 3 years he started to have fits, he is an apilaptic. He had so many complications because of that, it is a long list. I resigned my job as a Senior Clerk at the Southern Railways to look after him. We are not rich people, but I felt that my attention and care is more important than meterial benefits. Today he is studying in the 9th std. He ad overcome almost all of his medical short comings. I feel my heart fill with joy and my eyes fill with tears whenever I see him. As far as I am concerned, life is nothing with out some goal in life.One's own children or some other work which should be done for others. We see many persons not marrying at all for the sake of their noble profession(Dr.Shantha of Adyar Cancer Institute). For such people the whole world is their family. But living only for oneself is not a life.
varloo

Dear Varloo,

Your reply brought tears to my eyes..God is with you and your son and I pray that he be healthy for the rest of his life.

Before the birth of my son,I was not like this...Whenever there were soaps/serials on TV,and if there was a tragic scene,my mother would sit and weep along with the characters.
Me and my sister found that too funny at that time and we used to tease her for that.
Nowadays,I seem to have become like my mom.Even a small incident brings tears to my eyes.I think it is because now as moms we are able to feel more like the characters themselves.Whenever a child is kidnapped or lost,I immediately get tensed up...I start thinking about my son.

We had been to Germany in May and there we travelled by the Autobahn.Since I was new to his concept itself,I did not know that the doors of the train close so fast.I was helping a friend and her kid(in the pram) into the train by keeping the door open for them..suddenly the door started closing..and my son (2 1/2 at that time) was still standing on the platform alone.A shiver went through me...In that minute second,I just couldn't think...I was inside the train...what if the door closes....in a alien country my son would be lost!!!.I just darted out of the train and grabbed him first.By then luckily,my friend and her kid came out and we did not take that train.

Even though so many months have passed since that incident,I still shiver at the thought of it.I think motherhood makes a woman complete.All the erstwhile unknown feelings blossom and bloom only after a woman becomes a mother.

Cheers

Dear Sunitha,
Thanks for your support. I feel that my son pulls along fine only with the prayers of caring people like you. Like you said, I too nearly lost my son once on the busy Pondy Bazaar on a Ayutha Pooja day and my heat ws in my mouth till I found him. He was only 4 at that time and being an epilaptic mad it more difficult. When we see children suffering on the news , we feel very sorry and our eyes fill up. That is because we can easily empathise with them. Please keep posting your expriences, I love to read.Best wishes to you and your family.
Varloo

Just give birth to a child and listen to him/her saying "amma" for the first time! The rest is self explanatory the joy is too much to be written in words!

My warmest regards to Varloos son. Remember varloo u have a baby and i think that makes u the richest person in the whole world! :)


Purnima,Mangalore