guilty of formula feeding!

Discussion in 'Post Pregnancy Care' started by cheesecake, Feb 20, 2015.

  1. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    my baby is not latching so i am giving formula.but whenever relatives and freinds ask me that i am breastfeeding or not i feel very ashamed.i know a lot of ladies who exclusively formula fed but still i have no peace in my mind.please tell me how to cope with this.
     
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  2. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Been many years but I had to switch to formula when my DS was a baby. I remember going to the doctor for a check up at 1 week, and he said that I needed to switch to formula if I could not feed. I refused and that is when he asked me what is more important - my breastfeeding or my baby getting what he needed. Never felt guilty about it since then. You should not allow others to make you feel bad for doing something that is helping your baby.
     
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  3. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    The only time you need to feel guilty is when you are making the baby starve. Breastfeed or formula, you are making sure the baby has full tummy. Dont worry.
     
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  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi @cheesecake

    How old is your baby? Eventually you will come out of guilt because there will be so many things to worry about. Your baby is going to keep you very busy.

    My baby never ever latched. Family in India kept screaming about formula. LC kept calling on how to latch... friends suggestions. It was so over me I was discussing her not-latching with everyone..literally everyone because it was biggest thing for me (but not for others)

    Where ever I went and make formula bottle for her people will ask, not feeding her? why? formula? ..

    I had stopped looking at her old pics( she had become weak, bcs I was trying to latch and not fed her formula) as that made me cry and guilt filled.

    Now I have cried enough and went into depression and came out finally. ..I am busy with so many things with her. I have been on this guilt trip for 5 months but now I am at peace with myself and was talking to my DH that if next one does not latch, I am not going to bother a lot.

    Trust me... Happy mother, happy babyfriendssmiley
     
  5. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi

    I completely understand what you're going through. I had the same issue of wrong latch, low supply and had to eventually supplement. I got so obsessed with breast feeding that I decided to pump and realized that I was spending more time with the pump than with my baby! After a point, it just did not seem worth the trouble. I started formula feeding and it resulted in happy baby, happy mommy and general happy situation all over!

    Please do not ever feel guilty about formula feeding, it is nothing bad. As Rakhii mentioned, the more important thing is to keep the baby fed.
     
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  6. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    @cheesecake - Hugs to you. Do not feel any guilt. I completely understand what you are going through. First and foremost, stay stress free. I've personally experienced that this helps a lot. As other posters mentioned, the first and foremost rule of motherhood is to feed the baby - doesn't matter even if it means by giving formula. This is why formula was invented - to be used when truly needed. When your baby is full, baby will be happy and you will be happy seeing your baby happy :)

    When it comes to family/friends asking about your feeding method, I dont think you have to tell them all what you do (even though some might ask this out of true love/concern). If I were you, I would just say yes when they ask about breastfeeding and then move on. I decided this a long ago even before I got pregnant.

    Spend as much time as you can with your little one and capture a lot of pics/videos. Do a lot of fun stuff together and create a lot of memories for you both, focus on bringing up your kid with good values and teaching about healthy eating choices. Everything else does not matter. Stay happy dear :)
     
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  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    No need to feel guilty about formula . It is important that baby is properly fed .


    if you are interested in breast milk , you can try pumping and feeding using bottle.
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP - don't worry. I don't think you have any need to feel guilty.

    Are nosy questions bothering you?? It's nobody's business what you feed as long as the baby is getting fed.
    It's society's job to make you feel like an unfit parent. Today it is breastfeeding. Tomorrow it will be potty training. Then it will be eating habits.
    Whatever you do with your child is going to be in someone's books of wrongdoings. If your child is well fed and well taken care of then for him you are the worlds best mom. Take your cues from the baby, is he happy? You be happy then. Does he care if he gets breast or bottle? All he cares about is the milk right? Provide that and forget about what you couldn't do.

    Fwiw, I did breastfeed my older child for 27 months. There is no difference between my exclusively breastfed daughter and her friends. My friend's exclusively formula fed daughter is doing all the things and is as enterprising as mine. This one I happened to know because we've been friends when the girls were little. The rest of the kids, we have no idea who got formula vs bm. Nobody is more immune, smarter or better because of the milk they got as infants. Today it may seem like a huge deal but ten years down the line, it doesn't make any difference.

    Btw, before becoming a mom I had a lot of ideals that I would think I would definitely adhere to when I have my child. what I thought was ideal back then have all gone out of the window one after the other. Lots of times, we put undue pressure on ourselves because we have predetermined ideas on parenting and we try to make ourselves meet our own uber standards. Ive learned the hard way that sometimes parenting is all about doing the exact opposite of what I thought ideal parents should do.

    Have fun fun with the baby. These precious days just fly away. Enjoy every moment, even if it is a middle of the night diaper change.
     
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  9. katochsimi

    katochsimi Gold IL'ite

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    same here.. i was also feeling guilty for formula feeding as i m working nad have to leave her at age of 4 month and join office. but she is doing well.. on contrary my elder one i fed her till 2 yrs but has such low immune...
    so i also now happy that ur baby should get sufficient amoutn of milk either BF or formula...
     
  10. cheesecake

    cheesecake Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you all.me and my baby are happy.i think now this iswhat all matters.
     

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