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My Love!!

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Lalitha Shivaguru, Jun 8, 2011.

  1. Lalitha Shivaguru

    Lalitha Shivaguru Platinum IL'ite

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    Dears,

    This is my maiden attempt in Poetry... I am not sure how it has come..Kindly give your honest feedback and let me know the areas where I need to improve....

    Waiting for your feedback.


    MY LOVE


    I was waiting for him from a long time
    Missed his warm & wet touch;
    Was waiting and waiting
    But still no signs…..

    The day slowly ticked by
    My mood slowly changing
    From Cheer to melancholic grief
    But still no signs …..

    Suddenly I noticed him….
    Came and vanished as fast as he came
    Oh no…. I had not seen his
    Charming & handsome face as yet….

    My heart started yearning for him
    Tears threatened to fall
    From my big green eyes
    But he was smiling oblivious of my pain….

    After what seemed an eternity
    His heart seemed to melt…
    And it did melt…..
    Sending in torrents and torrents….

    At last he arrived
    Bringing in a smile to
    My tear dried face
    Caressing my cheeks passionately….

    Planting a deep kiss on my
    Much awaited dried lips
    Drenching my whole body & …
    Driving me into a delirious ecstasy…

    Oh…what a pleasure it is
    To be with him…
    To get drenched in Love…
    The feeling of togetherness…

    The fragrance of the wet earth,
    The dark grey clouds
    Seemingly pregnant with rain
    Bringing in a magical aura along with them

    At last he came in torrents
    Drenching the rain starved mother Earth
    Bringing in joyous spirits to all hearts
    Draping everything in myriads of fresh green………

    As I broke from my reverie,
    Sitting at my office desk…
    As I saw him through the open window…..
    Wishing he stayed with me for some more time….
     
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  2. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Lalitha,
    Let me have the honour of making the first comment on your maiden poetry. I especially loved these lines
    Planting a deep kiss on my
    Much awaited dried lips
    Drenching my whole body & …
    Driving me into a delirious ecstasy…

    All the more so because my serial tomorrow is starting with a similar scene, with the only difference is that we'll have a human lover in the place of rain.

    It's good poetry, Lalitha. You should start writing regularly. The pangs of waiting for the rain, the longing look you had while seeing it from your office spot, well they all wring the heart.
    Looking for more and more from your desk.
    sridhar
     
  3. omsrisai

    omsrisai IL Hall of Fame

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    Maiden attempt in poetry is superb...I loved it a lot
     
  4. Yashikushi

    Yashikushi Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Lali
    Oh.Morning itself got this [​IMG]
    Its the RAIN in your LOVE??!!!!
    Is is the FIRST rain in your LIFE???
    That much expressive.That much Characterized.

    These lines.....Twisting temptation.Soulful reflection.
    Planting a deep kiss on my
    Much awaited dried lips
    Drenching my whole body & …
    Driving me into a delirious ecstasy…


    No wrinkles in the poetry my dear,Neatly twinkling with the sheer of the RAIN.
    Thoroughly enjoyed your RAINING(reigning) LOVE.
    Love(Rain), since you loved it,
    sure to lie next to you,always.:thumbsup
    And
    WE are getting ready to drench In along with YOU.:)[​IMG]
     
  5. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    That was a nice start Lalitha Madam. Request you to write more. Thanks. -rgs
     
  6. ILoveTulips

    ILoveTulips IL Hall of Fame

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    Beautiful Beautiful... Full of love and passion! Its raining on and off here this morning... I so badly wanted to go and get drenched...but this damn cold weather arrests me inside the home... see my love has come and waiting outside the doorstep... but i can go see... :(

    Fantastic poem, emotionally felt from heart.... cute one dear LS...

    ilt
     
  7. Yashikushi

    Yashikushi Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    S Sir,
    WAH!!!!What a coincidental quotation.myself being first on Line..
     
  8. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow...A very good maiden attempt :thumbsup

    I too love getting wet in the rain :) A very beautiful poem :cheers
     
  9. Sudha Kailas

    Sudha Kailas IL Hall of Fame

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    Lalits, you call this maiden attempt......na na na (remember Shahrukh saying this !!)

    Awesome and rightly placed rhyming words.
    I also admired the style of fonts and colours used to display your first poetry !!

    Lavender and Purple are lovely subtle colours and your usage of them here is commendable.

    Look forward to seeing more and more coming down the way !!
     
  10. Malar2301

    Malar2301 Gold IL'ite

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    Lalitha Mam,

    No one would say that this a maiden attempt. Excellent lines full of love and honey dripping!! First few lines expresses wonderfully about waiting for HIM to come and next few lines about the rain that drench the mother earth so magical...

    VoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No words to say...looking forward for more!!
     

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