God bought my Dad into my Life to help me break out of Karmas, yet I've been unfair

I've been doing lot of introspect.

Still I hold lot of pain that I had even before marriage. And I pray to God that I can release my pain to him.

I feel horrible for being rude in email to someone's father while doing matrimonial alliance. The worst type of ignorance is rejecting something you know nothing about, and that fits the bill.

But still, my pain causes so much anger that I imagine myself being rude and disrespectful to people in India. And then when I see people on Indian serials get along as a family, it makes my heart melt and cry.

And I even saw pic of mother and child taken at Sikh Day Parade, and a deep heartfelt love knows no religion.

I like it so much, I'm trying to do painting of it (faces, I need to relax when it comes to drawing the faces)




Now I realize because of my dad, less bad things happen to me, yet I am blaming him in my heart for everything, even though he made things less bad.

We all have Karmas, but having my Dad made me break out of it sooner.

My mother is toxic, and she would have let anyone abuse me. But instead, because my dad was there to protect me, I had memorable birthdays, especially my 5th birthday.

People (you know, traditional God-loving Indians with their family values and culture), told my dad to leave my mom and me and have his own life.

Parents can be cruel to their kids some time, and a story in Humans of New York, actually showed this, where a 4 year old boy was abandoned, sent to a state-run home, abused, and when he was old enough to run away, ended up homeless.

I believe that person from matrimonial correspondence would have been a nice genuine friend to my dad, not these snakes who told my dad to leave me and have his own life.


What type of person am I?


And when you are unable to release pain, it turns into anger, and you are blinded by anger. Horrible, engulfing anger.


Sure, there are outlets, such as painting, and these meditative activities really bring up issues, and you resolve, "I will do x y z, or I will never do x y z" but there are no right or wrong answers. It's like quantum physics (still reading Tao of Physics).


I am just praying hard for God to show me how to release this pain.

I'm not asking for any person, place or thing, but how to release this pain, because pain will poison future.


And on the other hand, I see nice people such as Tim Tebow who are
- nice
- smart
- famous (too bad he didn't make the Eagle's team :-( )
- rich
- tall
- handsome
- abstains from $3x till marriage
- and yet he has so many charities helping the less fortunate


I think the elderly gentleman I was rude to falls in line with the generosity and kindness of Tim Tebow, from what I have heard from several sources.

I was extremely nasty to him, and said bad things about his son without meeting, yet I treated the devil like a king, and let him step all over me.


When I told my dad about how I feel he says don't believe in this Karma business, even if you weren't nasty to the elderly gentleman, still things would have turned out the way they did.

No, I disgree.

At least my dad would have a friend to talk to, and I would see how kind people behave in real life, not just some serials. And I would have compared the kindness of human beings to how I was being treated and I would have realized sooner what a snake this person was, and I would have fought back sooner.


I hope this post gives perspectives. Honestly if it were light out, I'd continue my painting, but sometimes you just gotta write. I can no longer talk to my dad because he is so tired, and so worn out...

 

Re: God bought my Dad into my Life to help me break out of Karmas, yet I've been unfa

Both vent and conveyance ... I should write book ...

 

Re: God bought my Dad into my Life to help me break out of Karmas, yet I've been unfa

Just an update.

Few days ago I decide to write an apology letter to the elderly gentleman I was rude to. Took me half an hour to hand-write it and I was full of tears while doing so.

When I was in India to get married, lot of people wanted the wedding to fall apart so they can get their son married to a US citizen who has some extra money. One person even had the nerve to bring their son to the wedding venue.

I felt all the pressures and tensions of the world.

And about a month later when I returned to the States and this elderly gentleman asked about sponsoring his son, all my anger at everyone in India hit the roof.

We hear all this horrible stuff about India, how rape is practically legal and women are considered lower than animals, yet I believe this gentleman is one of few rare and kind people in the once great nation, India.

Who knows, maybe he was a nice relative in last life.

So anyway, I wanted my father to read the letter before mailing it, and he got angry at me for still thinking about the past, and actually asked "Do you want me to tell you that you deserved all the abuse that happened to you. Stop thinking about it."

My father said he will read the letter, but now I am scared to ask him about it.

We have a lot of things to do (I am trying to return to University, have to study for entrance exams, etc), but I believe asking for forgiveness it just as important.

I don't want to do anything behind my dad's back.

I hope someone my apology letter gets to the right person at the right time. And I really hope my father has his friend back.

A true friend is a rare gem.

 

Re: God bought my Dad into my Life to help me break out of Karmas, yet I've been unfa

About a year back, someone on IL suggested participating in Toastmasters to open myself up more, try new activities. After posting the previous update, I actually found Toasmasters nearby. Plus, a co-worker already attends.

I believe it's a combination of both. About India, I'm healing from the wounds of
1. After marriage, there was that big story on Delhi gang-rape case
2. Later on, I discovered my ex visited prostitutes. Many of these girls and women are forced into this, and are continually abused especially by customers, such as my ex.

My goodness!

I need to get his ph# .... will try to ask for it again

Thank you for this.

I'm looking for something mindful-based. It's been recently introduced in US Medical system.

Oh dear, I cannot begin to imagine what you would be going through!

Ok, that's good. Best to remember the best times.

That is so sweet, it is making me teary-eyed now.

I guess we all get impatient every now and then

You explain things so nicely.

Perhaps you should write book someday to advise people in similar situations.