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Stubborn sister

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sunset27, Sep 5, 2015.

  1. sunset27

    sunset27 New IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    I really hope get some useful advice here. I have a younger sister who is 28 and is working in an international firm. She is very hard working when it comes to office work. But at home, she doesn't help around AT ALL. We have a maid for house hold chores, it is not about that. But, when my mom has to go some where, we have 3 vehicles at home which my mum doesn't know how to use, she can offer to drop my mother, but never does. We do all her paperwork including taxes even though she earns and she is very capable of doing these things on her own. On weekends, she watches tv all day. She eats only if my mum prepares smthg, she is so lazy that if my mum doesn't prepare anything, she will not cook, she prefers not eating to cooking. She is also of marriagable age and she is not co-operative at all. My dad passed away recently. My sister's marriage and othe issues of this house is my responsibility as her older sister. Please advice how we can help her understand our situation better. We try to give her her space and not nag her everyday. But it doesn't seem to help. I am not able to help my mother any which way because my sister just won't listen.
    Please help. My mum deserves a much better treatment from my sister. How do I get her to respect my mum?

    Thanks.
     
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  2. sunset27

    sunset27 New IL'ite

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    How come this post has over 200 views and no comments? :(
     
  3. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    @sunset27'
    i think the reason why there are no replies is that , there can be no magic solution to your problem. 28, I feel is too late in the day to change one,s basic nature. it is clear your sister has been let to have her way upto now. Now, the only solution is to clearly sit her down and with the help of your mother also, explain the situation at home and your feeling of responsibility towards her. If she is abrasive and stubborn it would be to her loss in the end. Make it clear to her outright instead of having to nag her often or make indirect pleas. Hope you are able to set things right.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey Sunset. Its the problem of entitlement. A disease with only one cure. Just stop doing things for her. An adult needs be self-sufficient. She hasnt learnt all these 28 years but is never too late. There is one solution to this. Ask ur mom to stop providing.
    That is temporary..believe me...hunger will take a toll and so will unwashed clothes and unpaid taxes. Its painful to watch ur child go through it but its a lesson she sorely needs.
     
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  5. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel like I read about this situation earlier also in another post. There, the OP was hell bent on marrying her sister off since the dad has passed away but the sister was not cooperating. Rest of the situation was exactly the same and OP was mad at her 'stubborn' sister.

    OP, why are you so obsessed with your sister? Leave her alone. She is grieving and coping in her own way. Dont interfere. You speak of maids, 3 cars, driver and so on so your mom seems to be well taken care of. Her situation is by no means dire nor is your sister neglecting her. In addition, the sister is employed and extremely hard working then why do you have so much of a problem with her and the current setup? It is a matter between your mom and her if your mom wants her to help out or drive her somewhere. Really if your mom has no problem with the current setup or your sisters' behaviour then why are you interfering and getting so upset when you are sitting far away?
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...let your mother find a way .She is the mother.
    She can stop cooking and cleaning.No one stays hungry.She can wear dirty clothes too .
    Once or twice she will get notice from income tax office,she will learn.
     
  7. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes I agree with all the suggestions here. Do not give her any help from now on. Be anything. Just leave her alone. If she prefers to starve rather cooking so let her starve. She will realise or might ask you guys for help or may show anger something, in that case give her the reason that she will have to do her things. Be very strict.
     

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