My mom's insecurity after my marraige

Op,you need to learn to ignore your mother or sit an reason out with her.
You are doing your best and she needs to realize it.

Does she only stay with you?
May be she should visit your sisters too so that she won't worry so much about them. It will be a change for her too.

 

Dear op

Do you think your staying in the house is not okay for your siblings?............what kind of accounting you presented for spending on the house?......your sisters are comfortable in you staying with mom & taking her help?..........if you think your mom is pressurizing you on the insistence of your sister ,its high time you move out of the house or directly deal with her.You stay with your mom on any kind of understanding? ......like saving the rent till your personal loan is paid or pay a minimal rent.

Money should be spend on others property with proper understanding.You should have brought in an understanding with your siblings & mom before you borrowed heavily for rebuilding the home...like the fair advantage you like to have on the property since the loan is paid .Your mom may feel that you are taking undue advantage over her by enjoying her property and getting her services for free for your advantage...it seems for life.

And the pocket money 2000 you give her is too little for her with the current price raises.There are times when the elders feel too tired to deal with active kids.......yours is giving stress to your mom ?......if thats the case send the kid to the playschool at least half a day.It should be really stressful for a 60 year old to manage the active boy the whole day.Your ability to care for her could have come under the scanner because of her inability to cope with the kid.......resulting in her change of behavior to both you & the child.When you return from work you acknowledge her efforts or just spend the time concentrating on the child making her feel ignored?......be more understanding that she too spent all her energy looking after the kid.

You had been working before marriage and had been spending on behalf of her for the siblings?........then she may feel that you had become selfish after marriage if you are not ready to shell out cash in the same manner.Your spending on the house is still in the loan ,but the human nature is to digest a contribution in a period of time and expect you to make the next one exceeding the previous one.So she may not be ready to accept your inability to spend more.

When we stay with the parents they tend to judge our spending for the family everyday and classify most of them as unnecessary.........like if we eat out spending 3000.or do buy an electronic item for 5000....which they classify as unwanted .....they come to the conclusion that we could donate 5000 to thier daughter as we have that kind of amount for unwanted exp(according to them).This concept is the problem faced by most households with parents staying with them ......it could be frustrating to see other siblings enjoying thier life with buying whatever they want without somebody breathing in to judge even the value of amount spend on kids education.........the ultimate is the other sibling (if not staying abroad ) could make the parent believe that they are not that well off........and the parent would apply max pressure to donate by avoiding unwanted (according to them the list is long) exp from the child they stay with.And the parents wont like you saving for your kids future when they feel that thier other child is in need of that amount in the present.We cant expect much of a logic /fair treatment from them.On the other hand if the child who they stays makes the parent believe that he/she is not well by being stingy then the situation is reversed.

Think why your mom feels that you have excess cash ....avoid telling her all your spendings or develop the habit of economical purchases few times to satisfy her.Erase the image of spendaholic if you have that image.Make an effort to make her believe that you dont have that kind of cash that you could dispose.

I had listed some possible points ....analyse and make use of the points that applies to you.

 

I think she has been under pressure for too long and it is coming out now. talk to her. tell her you will always be there for her so she should stop worrying.

 

Are you staying with your mom at her house or your mom is staying with you at your house?
Although your intention is to be with her, the equation in the above matters are very different.

If you are staying with her at her house, then she may be expecting more power, superiority; hence demand so much. Your other siblings may have an eye on that family house; which could add fuel to the fire.
Because parents always wants democracy that each of their kids should be equal in all terms despite of someone's heard work and someone's laziness.
They want the well-to-do child to sponsor the not so well-to-do ones no matter what.


Now if your mother is staying with you, the case is different. Please show her all the time that you and your husband are one, and you will make any decision in accordance to your husband.
If she yells and suddenly became insecure then it may be a reflection of some recent problem.
You may sit her down for an open talk when she is calm. Just listen to her, and be so supportive of her.
She may open up.

Although they are our parents, they some times end up feeling as an outsiders; which give them the insecurity. Sometimes it is important to care an elderly person just like a toddler.

 

What is PL?