My dad's habit is causing problem . please help me

Hi Ladies,


I require your advice here. I'm a working mom, staying near by my parents. After my child birth, my parents as they are retired, they came here to see my baby. We stay


in seperate house.


The problem is , my fathers words soemtiems are more hurting. He thinks as he makes joke and spills out some words regarding my daughter. Example:-


1. My baby will cling on to me after i come back to home. So if i move aroud some where she wil cry as amma and will come hug me and will tell me to carry. In this


situation my dad wil tell " See how she calls like night begger( ra pichai)"; Even i feel hurt. My husband also feels the same.


2. As babies thing, my baby wont respond alsways if you call her. When she wants something, she will respond. When i call my baby , if she dont respond, my dad


thinking he is making joke of that situation, he will tell "yei deaf dog ( yei sevudu, sevudu nai)"


3. The recent one, we went to a fort in kannur. my husband and i went to the fort, when returned, she was clining on to me, without leaveing me for a minute. My dad


thinking he is making a joke he told" you should have thrown her to the sea" .


Like wise many has happend and my husband responded for Kannur incident. He told dont talk like that mama. this is more hurting.


My dad he told that you dont have the right sense to take it and left the place. after then he did not talk to my husband. My husband is ok now. After coming home when


my mom talks to dad he tells the following things:


1. Her in laws are not that amicable; still we dont make any issue. At any point of time they are not changing. They are stubborn in what ever customs they have and


her mil is not that much good talking lady, showing off as a Guy's mother and expects us to bend to her.


2. Son in law(my husband) is also not that attached to us. Still we come all the way from our home town to take care of the baby. So dont I have that right to talk


anything. Am i doing what i tell? if i tell to put her in sea, that is for a joke; i am like this for past 60 yrs; you wanted me to change where as her inlaws and SIL


( my husband) wont change for any reason. He tells i cannot change my self, i will talk as such only as i have the right to talk. And now he is not talking to my


husband and my husband is cool. he is ok if he not talks and he did not take any further


My husband tells i cannot voulntrily talk to your father to console his anger. I he talk i will also talk and if incase i talk and he does not respond i will leave as


it is. Eventhough your parents has supported a lot by being silent to my parents does not mean i can be a slave to them. it does not mean they can talk what ever he


wanted.




My husband tells the following:


1. not everytime i can keep silent. When your father calls our daughter Deaf, i can be silent. But how do you expect me to become silent when he tells to put her in


sea.


2. Just because my mother is not amicable and as your parents they accomodate, does that mean your daddy can talk anything. Tomorrow incase he is sick and we take him


some where and we tell that we can put him in sea or leave in railway station, wont he feel hurted.


3. I am ok for all his jokes, but what i wanted is to not to use any harsh words.


My feelings:


1. Even i am getting hurted when i dad puts certain words. So it is natural for my husband to get erupted when heard some unusal words.


2. My father is as such. his age (60 yrs) is not ready to accpet what he talks is not correct in parents purview. He clearly tells why cannot daughter and son in law


accept me as i am and bear my words; As i adjusted to their inlaws from the day of the marriage proposal and have relocated to see the baby. Dont that show that i love


this baby? Only this words show that i dont have love?


3. What to do ladies. My daddy is also stubborn and same is my husband. Please guide me.

 

Hi Iamsrihere,

He is not intentional to rake revenge on my inlaws. He usually do it on me and my mother ; now it is my daughter.

 

Hi Sangeethapriya,

She is just 2 yrs. I really feel hurt and then i cannot tell my husband to keep quiet always. He can be silent at times, not i cannot expect him to be silent all times my dad puts some uncomfortable words.

 

Thanks SWT.Charu for your kind reply. I dont like it. But now and then i will tell him it hurts. he will ignore. This time my husband got involved. i already argued with him. He tells i am like it. You have to tolerate. if yes , we can stay together if not we can part. This is his reply.


In this case i prefer the latter. If i tolereate him for this habit, surely he wil take advanatge for his some other hurting habits later. It does not sound good to me either. and age factor is not related to change. Change for good must. If not, then we must ignore the people.