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Unable to forgive parents

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by shruti1487, May 22, 2015.

  1. shruti1487

    shruti1487 Bronze IL'ite

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    I am following awakening with brahmakumari and that has given me lots of advise, but trust me I can't forgive my parents. My feelings are stuck to that day when my mother created a scene and left me alone with a 3 day old baby for her own ego which she calls self respect..

    I am back from a vacation which was awesome and I did forget them for a while, but after I returned...you can call it my obsession but I saw them liking and commenting on my sister and brothers facebook account. They (my father and mother) didn't even bother to think about my son or me...

    They have moved on, go to people's house..have fun there....and me..seems like my life is stuck on that day asking one question again and again...why did they do this?

    My anger seems just to build up at any comment they give on my brother's or sister's post...the comments are in a way that they sound like a taunt to me...and trust me..I know my mom so I know that they are I direct taunts to me...

    How can I move on?! I cannot forgive them...
     
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  2. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    You know that you have to move on, think of the happy memories of the vacation. Look at those photos and share with friends, leave out your parents n siblings. Trust me, you will feel vindicated in a way.

    Avoid looking at siblings' facebook accounts or avoid FB altogether if that helps. DIstance yourself emotionally.
     
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  3. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    People hold onto anger when they know the other person doesn't care or doesn't get it. You need to think about this dynamic and see if you can rise above the injustice that you are suffering. Also I would suggest you stay away from your toxic mother as toxic mothers don't change. You will have to give up expecting you will get a loving caring mother like other people....you just weren't dealt those cards.
     
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  4. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    HI sorry for the wake up call, but you are a new mother and should be focusing all your attention on baby, you are robbing your baby emotionally by being stuck on parents. You want them to feel bad and reach out to you, but sounds like they will not. If they are trying to taunt you, you are allowing it by going on Facebook and looking into their lives. They win and you lose, cause they know you will suffer and you are. Please think about all the good things in your life, commit to stay off their Facebook a/c, and move on enjoy your mat leave. Your DH will pick up on this unhapiness and may in turn resent your parents more. You should just drop it for a few weeks and see if you feel better.
     
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  5. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Think about the good memories you had in your vacation. Unfriend your siblings from your FB.. if it is causing distress to you. Always count the blessings. !
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Shruti, so sorry to see one more thread filled with such anguish from you. Not a great note to start the weekend.

    There is no magic solution or quick fix. Yours is one of the 'time is the greatest healer' situations.

    I suggest you read and really think about the first two sentences in tashidelek's post. Further, faced with a tough situation you need help. Usually such help is got from spouse, friend, sibling, parent, relative who can understand and help. This is a problem that impacts both you and your husband. I would say, at a time, when things are relatively calm at home, with less emotion, tell husband that you need help to figure out how to move on. Give him the task of putting aside his own hurt and helping you with yours.

    "I really want to move on. I want to not let their past and current acts hurt me now. I kind of do know what I need to do.. I just need reminders, and a listening ear. I want you to be that reminder service and listening ear. Never thought I would ever be in such a situation. I am glad you are there with me in it. I know I can rise above this... with help from you. I want to be a happy person inside out, so I can be a better mother. I need your help."

    Your hurt is big. Take husband's help to deal with it. That is married life - being there for each other - sometimes even when one is also hurting.

    I vaguely recall your husband is aware you post? Have him read this thread.

    I hope the happiness in your life increases so much that it overshadows the sadness or what is missing.
     
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  7. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Part of growing up is also to leave your childhood family behind and build your own family. Your parents are what they are, you have to live with that. But you have now your own family, your husband and your baby. Cherish now the life with them.
     
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  8. premabarani

    premabarani Gold IL'ite

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    Hi shruthi
    Just you can remove your siblings and parents from your friendlist and be cool.
    By worrying about these you are giving more chances for your parents to tease you further.
    Cant you be happy without their likes and comments?
    Surely you have your own set of friends and relatives and aboove all your husband.
    So just ignore them and take care of your baby and husband.
    Prema barani
     
  9. shruti1487

    shruti1487 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies. I'm feeling much better. I guess coming back from vacation and staying at home alone generated these feelings. As Long as I'm busy, I don't think about them. I keep myself so busy with other stuff and dear husband is planning vacation for me every two weeks :) going to Mexico - all inclusive resort in 10 days!!
     
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  10. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Sounds like you are practicing avoidance instead of dealing with the issue and getting rid of it for good.
     
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