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How is ur Relationship with ur brother's wife??

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Ishika84, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. Ishika84

    Ishika84 Silver IL'ite

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    I recently visited India...my brother just got married last year...everything was okay..but when I visited this time..I felt so many changes in my brothers wife
    1) she don't obey my mother
    2) every-time she want to visit her parents who are 5hrs far
    3) she talk in a high pitch with my bro
    4) try to show everytime his dad got lots of money( I reality they have nothing)
    5) even she call her younger sister at my mums house at same time I was there
    so one day I loose my control and said so many things to her..in my anger
    now the problem is from her heart I know she is lovely person...but now am I worried also...can I make good relationship with her in future...as I said so many things to her this time..
    I care for my mother thatz why I said things...I reality I don't wana break my relationship with bhabhi...she is 7yrs younger then me...
    please help what to do...as we both are not talking with each other...???
    help me what to do now...
     
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  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Obey? She is not a child but an adult on equal level with your mother.
    2, Most people want to visit their parents now and then. Guess your brother even still living with his parents?
    5. She made a phone call? What is the problem?
     
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  3. AruljothiD

    AruljothiD Silver IL'ite

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    hi, you say she is a lovely person So try to have a free one on one conversation with her.
    For future,
    i maybe wrong but this is wat i do, before i question my sister-in-laws' activities i put myself in that situation ( I m also daughter-in-law , i dont agree with everything my mother-in-law says, i have arguments with my husband, i like to be close with my sister. this is all natural . This doesnt mean i disrespect my MIL or DH.). But i m not saying she is always right, look things from her perspective before u say something.
     
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  4. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    Just imagine her posting like this:
    I have been married since a year and my SIL visited us for the first time. She had problems with me visiting my parents who stay just 5hrs away from us. My MIL as well as DH never had any problems in me visiting them but my SIL who is on a vacation has many issues on how my deal my personal life.
    She did not like me calling my younger sister at my place and started shouting at me in anger. How can she react like this when she knows this house belongs to me as well?? Just because my SIL is here I cant ignore my parents and sister to get into their good books. Though she is 7 yrs older than me, I feel she has not handled the situation properly and have left some scars on our relation even with my MIL.
     
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  5. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    1) Why should she obey?All brides try to keep a low profile and usually just nod when they are newly married.That does not mean they will do that all their life.
    2)So ...what is the problem with visiting?
    3)Let your brother deal with her high pitched talking.None of your business...it's between the newly married couple.
    4)irrelevant.
    5)So ...you think only you have a right as a sister and her sister has no rights?Or is it that you wanted to be the only VIP in the house?
    Op....you seem to be the interfering ,high handed sister in law often the basis of this relationship forum.You should stop interfering in the relationship between husband wife and mil and dil. Often over bearing sister in laws cause everlasting problems between newly weds. If you love your brother...stop interfering.
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Why should your SIL obey anyone? I won't support the idea of obeying your own parents and husband after being adult? Why MIL then?
    She is an adult, now married and living her life with her spouse. Here some respect, adjustments and understanding is expected. Not dictatorship, please.

    What is wrong in visiting her parents...no matter how far they are from her marital home. If her H is okay with that arrangement, and if she is physically and financially fit for frequent travel it should be okay. Even if it is not, it is her problem... not yours.

    Talking in high pitch is her issues. Not yours. Your brother must be adult enough to deal with that.

    No matter what her dad has or not. If she tries to show off too much, tell her that you care a damn about her wealth. Further, remind her that her wealthy dad could only buy your poor brother as her husband and no one else.

    If your SIL is visiting your parents' place as a guest, it is not fair on her part to bring an additional guest given she repeats this often and that too when you are visiting them.. again provided your parents' house is too small to accommodate an additional guest/family at the same time.

    However, if your SIL lives there by custom or family condition or whatever as part of your parents'/brother's family then it is her RIGHT to bring anyone from her side of the family at any given time just like you visited there. She does not require anyone's permission but some common sense to see whether the timing/ space and facilities are adjustable unless it is an urgent/unavoidable visit. But again, you are expected to equally adjust here thus your commanding nature is not acceptable.

    As to answer your question... I have a decent and wonderful relationship with my SIL who is also recently married and very younger to me. She respects and treats me like her own sister. So, it is not difficult from my part to treat her the same.
    Further she lives at her home with her husband, and I live at my home with my husband. We usually visit each other, but never stayed or spent a night at each other's place as we live very close by. Further, we live only our lives and not others. So, we never interfere as to how she speaks with her husband, how often she visits her parents, and how she rates her parents' wealth and so on.... Neither she interferes into my business, so no problems between us.
     
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  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Op, you have enough posts saying how you were completely out of line with your complaints.

    What at you can do now is ring her up specifically and humbly ask for her apology. Confess that your emotions were running high and you were completely wrong in the way you spoke to her. Tell her you regret it. Send her a bunch of flowers as apology. Then sit back and pray she accepts your apology.

    Just remember that unless your SIL is happy, your brother can't be.
     
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  9. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Guesshoo you spoke my mind. OP first you should swallow your ego, after that call your sil and applozise. Tell her you are sorry for your behaviour and want to give a fresh start to your relationship and after that it will be up to her if she accepts your apology or not. Do not expect her to obey what ever your mother says. Why would she? Do you agree to everything your mils says. On the other hand tell your mother to be more independent and stop expecting anything from your sil. That is the only way to live peacefully with children under same roof. What ever happens between your sil and your brother should stay in between them. You have no right to poke your nose in their business. I am sure your brother is an adult and so is your sil so why do you need to solve their issues. OP being older in age doesn't guarantee us any respect, it's our behaviour towards others. Do not interfere in anyone's life. So what she went to see her parents, so what she talks high of her dad. If you are at parents it does not mean your sil should stop living her life.
     
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  10. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    If you really love your brother, RESPECT his wife.
     
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