Feeling Helpless bcz of brother wedding - Suggestions

According to me, your brother's expectation is completely valid.He has done scarifies for you and your parents.
Also he made matured decision in past.Generally brother expects support from sister, when they are facing these types of issue.Try to understand his feeling.Family dissimilarity doesn't matter much, if girl is matured.What if u got girl from rich family, and she dominates your parents.

Sorry if I hurt you.just trying to reduce gap between you and your brother.

 

There are multiple issues here that you would do well to keep separate in your mind.

This was done directly in your 'best interests' (as perceived by your parents).So your brother does have some grounds for expecting your support. I would not have done this, especially if there was an ongoing relationship! What about that girl? I might have cheerfully put off initiating a search for an arranged marriage, but I would not bale out of a serious relationship simply to ensure proper marriage sequencing. The only caveat here is that your brother did not stand his ground, so as an adult, it's his decision and ultimately his responsibility. (I do understand the drama & emotional blackmail involved, mind you!). I can only hope that this girlfriend went on to be happily married - I'm not sure about her reasons for not wanting to wait, a bit.

Your brother behaved badly here. having been through one relationship experience, he should have known his own family context. Why get involved in a serious relationship with a European woman at all, when he knows what the situation is? This one is entirely on him. His involvement, his call, his decision, his responsibility. This was very poor decision-making and irresponsibility throughout. Not a sacrifice - well, except that he may have 'sacrificed' her feelings, as he did that of his first girl.

This may be a legitimate concern, but it depends on what you really mean by 'well educated' & 'good background'. I am not keen to speculate, but if you can explain, then perhaps you might get better feedback.

The horoscope thing is not my cup of tea. It has no real scientific validity. Everything depends upon whether (a) your brother believes in it and (b) should something go wrong, all of you would blame her manglik dosh for anything and everything. Again, the crux of the matter is what this 'dissimilarity in backgrounds' means to you, your parents, to him and to her.

Nothing really withered away, did it? He killed the previous relationships, whatever the reasons. Your brother seems to have a talent for getting into relationships that are unlikely to work given his mindset and your family constraints. He is consistently unmindful of the other party in these escapades. A thoughtful and responsible adult from a 'good background' ought to do better.

As for your frame of mind, I can understand how you feel. I know this must be stressful for you. It is perfectly OK for you to feel that the woman in question is not an ideal match for your brother. You may be justified in discussing this with him, but gently, always keeping in mind that he is an adult (although he is not behaving like one). I wish that these discussions could occur earlier, before the couple has discussed marriage. Your brother is not entirely wrong in expecting your support, but that does not mean that you should acquiesce in watching him walk down a self-destructive path - although, without more detail about her (not her horoscope!) I am not sure that is what this is.

Your parents need to stop interfering. If your brother is well educated, a doctor / professional and from a good background, how come they don't trust him to make good choices and how come he validates this lack of trust by his actions? Now yet another girl stands to get hurt, because your brother does not have his act together. :rant

 

Only soka can write a loong post for this
Your brother has found a girl, and as an adult he can make his own choice about his life partner. You can provide your feedback as a family, and you have done that, so good. Final decision is his decision and his girlfriend's decision ONLY. He does not need approvals from any of you, all he needs is just good wishes from you and family.

 

Could it be that this 3rd time his focus is not on the girl he is going to marry but on the previous failed relations and the reasons thereof? And so now he is hell bent on having his way no matter what. Horoscope and family background aside what is the girl really like? Have you met her separately and spoken directly to her? I think you should do that a few times and form your own opinion instead of jumping to conclusions based on background and horoscope. Maybe you may change your mind and support your brother.

Also In your place I would meet him in a neutral place and first of all sincerely apologize for the first alliance falling through (since that was done solely for your benefit). Speak frankly, appreciate him for doing that, express your regret that his relation failed, tell him that if you could do it over you would not have gone along with his marriage delay for your sake. Ask him frankly if the reason for his insistence on this marriage now is to undo the past mistakes. Tell him that instead of paying attention to undoing past mistakes it is important to not make a fresh mistake which can badly affect his life. Try to communicate to him that this is the reason for your concern and opposition. Ask him his reasons. Have a good discussions and try to get clarity on each other.

OP all said and done if he wants to marry this person because he likes her and not for any other reason as you are fearing then you should change your stance and support him before your parents because he is your brother, he is an adult and he does have a right to make his own decisions.

 

Sorry! :hide:
That's me trying to be a normative, descriptive, prescriptive, satisficing, choice-under-uncertainty decision-making engine, all in one go.
You're right, might be useful to shut up once in a while.

 

And what is his response? What does he see in her? Is it simply "... but, but, I love her!" or does she have qualities that mean something to him?

Going by what you say, I do agree that there is a possibility of long term incompatibility. In the end, there is not much you can do. It's OK to articulate your reservations clearly, emphasizing that it's in his interests according to your view, but then if he does go ahead, be as nice as is possible for you to the both of them. He might really feel that his previous break-ups were externally induced, choosing to stick to his guns now.

The situation reminded me of this cartoon. I do not mean to cast aspersions on the young lady. Love can certainly be blind. I hope that girl comes out of this OK.

PS: And by the way, might she be 'teachable'? I confess, that is my single most important criterion in assessing people.