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Staying with parents after marraige

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by KashmirFlower, Oct 2, 2014.

  1. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi All,

    I would like to know opinions of ILites on this.

    I am married and have a son, age 17 months now. We live in USA, so we don't have a home for ourselves in India, we come to visit india and stay with parents and PILs.

    (we bought a house but rented it, as we come here for vacations only)

    But due to some complicated visa thing me and my son are in India now for the past 1 year and 3 months. As visa thing taking time, my husband told me to get a bed room constructed for yourself in your parents home, so I got a upstairs room and a hall constructed for myself, (financial by me and my dad did all other help) which I can use till me and my son go back to US. (I have a sister who is unmarried, so this entire house goes to her only, not for others siblings another sis and bro)

    I first wanted to take a house for rent in the same town of my parents, but I didn't feel that secure to live by myself and son, and my parents said why to rent and dependent on maids, when we are here.

    But few months back my sister daughter, i.e my niece, who just completed 10+2, says
    "as per rule you should live with your In-laws only now". my sis didn't say anything, nor my parents when she said this. I got hurt.

    I have been financial and emotional support for my parents for the past 7-8 years ,( even though they get pension). I get lot gifts too to my niece, as they are only close relatives. Now I am here for security and emotional reasons only, not any kind of dependency, except my mom cooks for all, I cook some times. All kid care taken by me.

    Can't we stay with parents after marraige for long time?( as it not vacationing just very much needed to stay out of US, a visa thing). Should I have rented and lived separately? Please share your views.
     
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  2. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    could it be that your niece just saw something in telly (in seriels?) or overheard some conversations about something/someone else who stayed with IL´s and she mixed it up or just blubberd like that about it whithout thinking much? As she is a child i would not think much about it. if your sister or mother giving you hints or you are sure they are the reason she said so its different. Otherwise you are as much your parents child then your sister is so this is your home too.
    Just my :my2cents cents maybe im wrong...
     
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  3. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    seriously ??? Are you worried about a Teenager's words ???
    Most of Teenagers have tendency to have care free attitude, and doesnt
    know what they talk/do.... So just ignore.

    Just dont worry about your niece's words as long as your Parents,
    and siblings have no issues with this arrangement...

    Btw why is your niece staying with your parents, isnt her mom
    i.e your sister supposed to stay with her in-laws...
    (OR if she is staying separate and told this when she visited the house ??)


    (I have a sister who is unmarried, so this entire house goes to her only,
    not for others siblings another sis and bro)



    Goes to her only ???? Isnt your parents house meant for you and your siblings ???
    Why only unmarried sister ??
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2014
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  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ur neice should behave her age:)
    absolutely hate youngsters acting like a big person
    sorry if am rude and ur sister should not have kept quiet not ur parents..

    Anyways, ask ur mom directly if they feel u r a burden.
    Tell her u felt hurt and want to clarify.


    also,am sure u can manage alone.rent a house near ur family and live
    will give u confidence to deal with things alone too
     
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  5. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    A teenager is not a kid, moreover the ones in India are beyond their age these days. Their word cannot be ignored.

    What is hurting you the most is that neither your parents, nor her mom objected to her statement. You are right to feel bad about it.

    It is possible that since most of the times you have been in the USA with your family, your neice and her mother( your sister) have got used to having your parents all to themselves.

    Now that you are here to stay with your parents for quite some time, your niece is not happy with the divided attention of you parents, and is probably envious of your son too.

    She should have been scolded by her mother for speaking in adult issues, but since she kept quite it seems your sister too feels this way.

    No need to wait for her mom to speak, next time she says something like this, just tell her bluntly that she too is just the daughter of the daughter, and therefore should have no say in who should stay at her maternal grandparents home.

    Trust me Ilites, words said by kids can also be very hurtful.

    We too live in a foreign country. When I was in high school, we went to India after 3 long years to stay with my maternal grandmother for 2 months.

    My 3 year old cousin one day just told us roughly that we should move into our flat which we own in the same building. Though we all laughed about it at that time, my mother did feel bad about it in her heart, and still remembers it when the kid( now a teenager) says similar hurtful things.
     
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have told that girl to shut up!!Future drama queen.
    If it bothers you...ask your sister and parents to clarify.If you are not satisfied...move out.
     
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  7. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you sumalynux for your quick reply.

    Yes, niece said when she visited my parents house.


    ?

    My this sister has major health problem, she can't support herself financially. So our family thinks she also have her own house, instead of depending on others later in life.
     
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  8. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    Ask your parents if you are a burden.

    And for your niece's comments if her parents or your parents did not say anything you could have asked her not to talk like that. She is your niece and you have the rights to stop her if she says or does something wrong.
     
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  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes girlygirl, I too feel the same. They spend weekends at my mom place, now reduced.

    Thanks Yellow mango and kalpanaSrikanth,
    yes. I asked my mom, she said we have no problem etc.
     
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  10. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    When anyone passes a dated and cinematic comment like that, remember to look amused and dismissively say, "how old-fashioned!"

    see, your our mum has no problems. Your niece was just being pesky and trying to get a rise of of you. Ignore her and hog your parents' love for the time you are at home
     
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