How do you become emotionally independent when there is so much craving in life?

How do you become emotionally independent when there is so much craving for affection, love and perhaps even attention?

I am an only child before I was born my mom had at least 2 miscarriages that I have overheard of. From the day I can remember I was living with different relatives rather than my own parents. I think I lived my parents between the ages of 1-2 then it was my moms sister-in-law for one year. Then it was my moms cousin for 7 years because my parents lived in a part of the country where education system was not all that good. So I ended up living with my divorced aunt. Throughout all this I never really got to know my parents vice versa. Than all the sudden first decade of my life ends.

My parents and I move to America. This is when I first started living with them although we lived with some relatives. At this point to make true of the "American dream" my parents started working their butt off. I rarely saw them. And when I did they were busy. Three years later we got our own apartment. And things got out of hands even more than they previously were. Now they were on their own so they really had to have it together. Being in my early teens I was in the apartment by myself for most of the day after coming from school. And when they were there it was always arguments and disagreements. I barely even had any friends in school. The ones I did have didn't know anything about my life. So going through the early teenage/mid teens phase I was lonelier than ever. At this point I had somewhat of a view on life. And started craving for my parents. Needless to say they were not there. My parents didn't make the big bucks they were working labor jobs. But they made a decent living.

I wouldn't be lying if I said I got basically everything I wanted sooner or later. But the one thing I needed, till this day I don't have. By the age of 14 I started I had a job of my own. Being a student in high school I didn't make the big bucks and the money I did make I spent it on other people. And life just kind of started taking turn for the worse I started becoming really depressed at times I even ended up in the hospital for suicide threats and plans. And this was when I really needed at least one of my parents the most and again they were not there.

Life went on like that until I graduated high school. The day of my high school graduation they were not present at my graduation. I had to pay an underclassman money to come and take pictures for me so I would have a memory.

As I started my early 20s I became independent in all ways possible despite of living with my parents. But there is still one thing missing a mothers friendship, affection and love. Sometimes I wish there was one person who I could share just about anything I wanted to and know that I won't be judged. If I had to I can recall almost all instances where I woke up in the middle of the night crying because I had a "dream" about hugging a mother figure saying "Maa I love you, thank you for everything you do". I have a feeling this will not go away until I have somewhat of a motherly figure in my life whether it be a mother-in-law or whoever and if not at least until I have a child of my own.


Despite of being alone in every which way possible I have been extremely confident about everything I do. I like to be independent in all areas of my life. Well this is the one area where there is lack of confidence, independence, and even a regret. So how do I go about fulfilling a basic need when there are barely any options in front of me?


On a positive note one thing I would like to say is I hope that the take away message here is not that my mother is no good. She seems to be pretty good with her cooking. She does basically all the chores in the house, though I do like to help out but occasionally. And even finances it has never been like even though I have a part time job I have to contribute in the house. I guess that's because I pay for my own college.

 

Seems like I just made a fool out of myself

 

I barely have to go on campus for my degree. All the cousins in our family have distanced themselves from each other. As far as my parents goes the problem is now I can kinda like understand their perspective but still that is not the justification for my childhood/teenage years being lost. It was not necessary for me to have to grow up before my time but I had to. And they are very much responsible for that aspect of it.

I cannot afford to go out and play sports. All the Indians in the community seemed extremely reserved and I am a total desi girl so I would never be able to relate fully with a non desi.

I am not denying they were working their butts off for me. But to say it was done for me is not right considering I have been practically independent since the age of 14. Yes I am an adult and I absolutely love being as independent as I am but there is still a part of my that wishes that my parents had done their sharing of raising me instead me having to do it. And obviously on here I have only summarized the whole situation but when I was in school my school counselors did classify somethings as neglect. Obviously they were professionals and granted it that professionals can mistakes too but these guess knew the details of my life.

You may not believe me but I actually often think about how spoiled and bratty I would have ended up had I not had to care for myself. So when that aspect is considered I suppose whatever happened, happened for good.

You are more than welcome to believe me if you want. But I actually have seen my mom hug others but when it comes to this child of hers, the distance she keeps is just heartbreaking. I agree there is nothing that replace a mom but I suppose someday I will have a mother in law who will be the closest to replacing it.t And if not well I have at least learned what kind of mom I need to be.

 

To be honest with you my friend this scar will be reminder when I have children of my own as to what their exceptions will be out of me. And you didn't sound blunt at all. Ideally let's say I did find you blunt neither you nor I can deny the fact that once a person is scarred there is no going back.