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isnt this something MIL is supposed to say

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by han412, Apr 17, 2014.

  1. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    me : mom I got a new almirah ( happy, expecting her to ask about it colour etc.)
    mom: where did u keep the old one, there was no need to buy a new one


    And its not that I am a spendthrift. The old one was broken. My dh got me this one as a gift for my wedding anniversary. It was a gift and my mom is saying this to me.
    I am feeling so dejected isn't MIL supposed to talk like this , why does my mom have to talk like this.
    I have seen so many posts about barbs from MIL does anyone here get them from moms too?
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2014
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  2. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    54 views and not a single reply I seem to be the only one with this type of problem
     
  3. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Did your mom know that the old one was broken? Its not just a mom or MIL thing, sometimes people are just very careful with money and will extend stuff till there is no way to reuse it. If she thought the almirah could have been repaired, she would have asked this question. My mom would question me too and I don't see anything wrong in it.
     
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  4. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    @DKI that sure felt better that I am not the only one out there. Its just that I see all my friends moms excited over their own excitement, whatever the reason might be, that I get frustrated that I don't get the same kind of response.
    I was having some health problems and got a battery of tests done sometime back , I told my mom that I had gone to get the tests done and it hurt that she did not even ask how things went, what did the doc say, what were the test results. I think she herself has so many problems that she has gotten immune to anyone elses.
     
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  5. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

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    instead of anouncing to your mil, u should have informed her about the broken almirah and that u have purchased new one.

    different people different ways to tackle.
     
  6. anahita5

    anahita5 Gold IL'ite

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    do ask your mom first about her problems ! I might help her just to vent it out. then it will be your turn. tell her you feel like she does not care. choose your words wisely.
     
  7. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

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    Han412,

    I gave a response to you based on the almirah incident. My mom would have reacted the same way about the almirah, but not if I was ill. But then my mom will worry no matter who was ill, that's just who she is.

    As you say, could be that she has faced so many problems herself that everything seems trivial to her now. Talk to her, and make her open up about her problems...let her know that she has somebody to confide in.
     
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  8. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Moms and MILs are basically the same individual with different roles to play in different relationships.

    My mom would have pretty much reacted the same way.

    I don't have a MIL, but I think people wrongly take offence when their MIL tells them simple things, in some cases their moms would have said the same things, they don't think about that.

    My mom is also like this, if I talk of buying anything, she says, it is there at home, irrespective of whether it was ever in the house or not!
     
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  9. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    generation gap I suppose. Its just that it hurts cause I see parents feeling happy at the smallest things their kids do and for me its been if I was 1st in my class, " why did you only score 96%". Anyway it made me better myself. Yesterday I let myself get bogged down but many years back I decided to take all things in my life proactively. All the things that have hurt me in my childhood I decided never to repeat them with my kids.
    And to clear any misconceptions she is not thrifty, she never wears a saree even for daily wear which is not latest fashion and which will cost less than rs4000. When fashion changes all old furnishings are handed out to relatives and new furnishings are bought , no matter if the old ones are just 3-4 years old. My dad has crores of rupees so do we but last time my mom visited she got 15 year old curtain material and got pillow covers stitched at my place for me whereas she herself would not be caught dead with such old stuff.
    Well if she was so thrifty , why not use the old curtains herself.
    She goes to my sisters place collects all her old clothes and comes to my home and alters them for my dd. The list is endless.
    All these experiences in life have made me better myself and I am the best mom in the world ( my dd words last night) because of them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2014
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  10. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    Han412, There are all kinds of people in this world. I know a family where a mother never bought her daughter good clothes while splurging on herself and married her 18 yr old daughter off to a 38 yr old man (there was no reason for it except that she wanted to fulfil her 'responsibilities').
    Don't let your mom get old cast-off stuff for you. Lead your own life and don't seek her appreciation, you'll be much happier.
     

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