Are you a only daughter?

Meena

Hats off to you and your husband... and of course to both parents!!

Mrudhani,

Do not worry that you are not born a son dear... my dad says that he is the luckiest man in the world, because he has two beautiful and caring daughters!! Yes, there have been times when I have felt bad, but I have learnt to overcome all that.. You have given your answer in your own post... when we have the right to inherit, we also have a duty to care! Right and duty go hand in hand... Talk to your husband and I am sure he will support you. I am not sure if you are working, but if you are, I would suggest you start setting aside a sum each month. It would be good if both of you can set aside a small sum each month to deal with emergency expenses for parents...

Never feel bad for being a daughter...consider yourself lucky

Mythili

 

Hmm.. Yes, I do want to take care of my parents in their old age, not because, its my duty or responsibility but because I love them!

I'm the younger daughter, and my sister is already married, while I'm not. Both of us are very attached to our parents. We have almost everyday phone conversations with our parents. Both of us, have our own lives to take care of (infact she has another family to take care of too), but that doesnt mean that our parents become like any other relative to us. Right now, our parents do not need our support financially or physically. But when the need comes, both my sister (infact my bro-in-law too) and myself are ready to take care of them. I do not agree with concept of son taking care of parents, and daughters adopting another family as theirs. My BF is free to support his parents emotionally, financially as well as physically, and the same applies to me with my family, and we are always there for each other. Thats where I see us heading too. So it doesnt matter whether you are a son/daughter. Be there for your parents if you want to be.

 

I have a elder brother but he is settled in abroad...while I stay in the same city as my parents.

Irrespective of what we inherit from our parents...it is our morale responsibility to be there for them when they need us. I made it very clear to my DH right from the initial days of my marriage that we shud take care of my parents when required.Fortunately, I have been blessed to get a husband who is equally concerned about my parents as he does for his.On quite a few occasions I have told that my parents will come and stay with us when they get really old...and he has agreed to it.I know my parents will not come but neither my DH nor in-laws will object if we go and stay with them.

It takes a lot of convincing but if you begin slowly and steadily you will be able to create a balance between the 2 families.Also don't overdo it.

Good luck!

 

Hi,
I had a love marriage. I have ayounger sister who is just studying. I support my family financially and also live along with them. My DH work in Chennai and commutes on weekends. He is ok with me supporting, however, of late he keeps criticising my family members and keeps saying dont spend too much for your family. Also, he says My dad and mom or very frugal but your family is not like that, even though my parents are not lavish. He keeps worrying my sister, saying her to do this and that. Keep the house clean.. you clean the house and then go to college like that. he is hurting everyone in my family. If I take this up with him, he says your family is from an alien planet, you people dont know the ways of society and that my parents should be grateful that he is allowing me take care of my parents. I feel very bad...I dont know how to make him understand my viewpoint.

Please help!!!!

 

He is changing.. for the bad.. next time, you can ask him to talk to you and not ur sister. It all depends on the equation between ur sister and ur dh. If they are really close and she thinks of him as an older bro then fine. But if he is just trying to throw weight around ur family members because he and you are helping them, then it is definitely not right. Nobody can help this situation but you.

 

nice thread and good to know on may supportive in laws and husbands

 

it is better to stay in a separate house from parents and support them financially.
This works in most families where the daughters help parents and siblings.
If you stay together always SIL loose respect for the PIL's and since they can't
say anything bad to the elders will pick on the younger ones and things get worst.

I have seen this in my friends family, even though everyone in that family was
professionals ,high level in their career and financial help was not needed by parents

just were living together in one house.
My friends sister was a doctor ,still was not treated well by her brother in law,
and my friends Mom and sister moved to different house and things got better.
take care