You are already
a member and logged in!
This is my first post on IndusLadies, although I have read a lot of stuff here. You are a great bunch and I have found comfort in reading issues/solutions here.
Well, today I need some insight into some issues that I have and need to get your thoughts.
I know not all people think alike. But I am just trying to make things work better for me and my family, with a better understanding of things.
Here's my story:
I am married and have a lovely little daughter. My husband and I love each other and are happy.
I am blessed with the best parents that I could have imagined. They brought me up with a lot of love and care and have been my strength during my toughest phases in life. They are very simple and the most unselfish people you can think of. I have been extremely close to them and share the most special relationship and have thanked my stars always to be blessed with such great parents!
I have a younger brother who I adore and have had a wonderful relationship with all these years.He is happily married too.
My brother and his wife live with my parents.
My parents are extremely adjusting and have left no stone unturned to make my SIL feel at home and have always treated her as a daughter.
I have had serious trouble with my in-laws and because of this my marriage suffered a great deal for a few years. But with God's grace and everyone's efforts, my marriage is going great now and my relatonship with my in-laws is good too. My parents were my backbone during those tough years and my life wouldnt be the same without them in every sense.
I have always been a non-controversial person. The goody-two-shoes, the girl-next-door kinda person who everyone adores. (Well my inlaws didnt think so, but still ). No fights/sourness as such generally.
But lately I am having trouble dealing with my sister-in-law.
My sister-in-law is a shrewd person. I have no qualms or insecurities about anything as such. So I have no reason to compete with her.. But she does.
The thing is she is very mean to me!
I know that once a man is married, his priority is his wife. I absolutely understand and believe this and have never interfered in my brother's life. I have tried being there for them, laugh and talk and never overstep the boundaries.
Since they live with my parents and I go to visit my parents atleast once a week (sometimes more), there are lotsa interactions and with time she is getting meaner. She always pokes fun at me. She is not comfortable with my being close to my parents. She has commented on that. She takes liberties with me (I am very formal and value courtesies). She competes with me. I try and be gracious with her -say thank her for gifts, appreciate her for thins etc. But she never reciprocates. I know they are all simple things, but a lot of such things add up over time, dont u think?
There are so many subtle things that happen all the time. Basically you know for sure when someone doesnt like you. All interactions are laced with that bitter feeling. So that happens a lot!
I never paid much attention for a while and would never ever give back thinking it is silly, but over time, things are affecting me. I feel unwelcome at my parents' place these days because of her.
My brother absolutely wouldnt understand this. I get the drift that he absolutely doesnt want to hear anything about his wife. I have never complained or anything, but such topics are out of limits. So I cant talk to him to clear the air as such. And ofcourse our relationship is not so close these days.
I didnt want to bring this up with my parents initially. They treat us alike and infact show more affection towards thinking she shouldnt mistake them and I would anyway understand. Having seen me suffer as a daughter-in-law , they want to be the best in-laws to my SIL.
She is bad to my parents at times. And my brother sides with her and gets back at my parents. But my parents have tried to keep their cool and the matters have never escalated as such.
So these days at times that I have felt bad I tried talking to my parents about it. But they have dismissed me saying I shouldnt bother about it since it would affect all relations. I know that. They feel as they get older, it is my brother who would have to take care of them and hence no matter what they need to be on good terms with my SIL. So they feel I should adjust and not take things to heart. They said they cannot help me!
Also they feel they never want to take any help from me and my husband in future too (firstly the Indian society dictates that and another thing is because of my past troubled marriage/inlaw relations).
I understand that and ofcourse dont want to get them in trouble. But when we grew up my brother and I were treated equally and just because I am married and 'sent-away' doesnt mean I cannot be there for them or help them.
So it is kinda complex!
Firstly I feel as my parents are aging, they are getting dependent on my brother and SIL and are slowly drifting away from me. Since they are so important to me, this pains me a great deal!
And this is compounded by my bad relations with my SIL.
So I dont know what to do.
Should I continue to let my SIL treat me bad? If I object to that, I lose my parents in a way, ie if I stay away from my SIL, I need to stay away from my parents too!!!
This is just not fair, dont u think??
I dont want my parents to suffer in any way. I dont want my brother's relationship with his wife or my parents get affected.
So what do I do?
I look forwrad to hearing from you!