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Ok, my issue is not as complicated but it is a major issue for sure!
Ours is a love marriage and I am married into an Iyer family. We have the usual inlaws issues and after a lot of problems, I very rarely talk to them.
They have never called us and very conservative about money, can even call them miser! They did not even call when our children were born, their only grand kids. They made a big issue about some very small thing during our last trip to India and from then on, I have drastically reduced my calls with them.
They were reluctant to even gift me a saree for my baby shower but due to relatives pressure they sent me one. They sent some old jewelery that was given to my DH from his grand parents when my daughter was born. For my son, they are yet to give anything.
Now, I honestly dont care or expect anything from them but at times it really bothers me a lot!! They are very rich and my FIL retired from a very good position. Its not that they dont have money, its just that they dont think they need to give anything.
Everytime they tell me that Iyers dont have the custom (of giving!). But they will take and demand from my mom almost on every occasion.
Now, please can any body tell me about the customs that they need to follow? Just so that I can shut her up when she tells me about NO CUSTOM