sending my son for daycare for first time

HI,
I dont know If I am posting in a right forum. But I need some emotional support from you guys. My son is with me from birth he is now 22 months. I found a part time not great job but I think it is ok for now. and My son is going to daycare from next week for the first time. I told my parents they are really upset they are asking me why ????

for me I think I will get some free time from my son as I am with him all the time. I am going crazy...... As I said it is not a good job but I think I definitely need a break from him?
Am I doing something wrong to him? am I being so selfish? please reply

Hi Renu,

No, I don't think you are being selfish. I am a FT working mom of two, 4 years and 6 months. With both I went back to work in 2.5 months after my maternity leave. My first was lucky to be with grandparents at home for the first year, and then to daycare. I had to send my second one to daycare from 3 months.

I know this is like a religious war/debate among moms, but I strongly think you should do what is right for you and your family. I will not be happy as a stay at home mom and I love my job and career. Even though it is very hectic managing home, work and kids, I feel much more fulfilled, happy and at peace with myself when I am working.

You do not have to justify these decisions to anyone other than you and your DH. More over at 22 months your little boy is close to 2 years and it will be good for him to be with other kids. You can tell your parents that he is bored at home and you are slowly phasing it by going part time so he gets to know the daycare environment etc.

Don't feel guilty or let others make you feel guilty.

Renu

Think I definitely need a break from him? -- Yes
Am I doing something wrong to him? -- No
am I being so selfish? -- No

Dont worry Renu, you took a good decision
No job is less worthy or more worthy. So just start working

thank you so much for your reply ladies.Let me tell you in 2 weeks how everything goes. My kid is now sleeping and I feel like crying as I am with him for a long time and it is the first time he is being separated from me.

He will be fine, and you will see how things go, in fact its a good change for your son too, he will meet other people, else what if he becomes loner. my kid too was with my wife for 2years now for 2 hours daily she has put him in a care, she is at home all the time, that is very stressful , its not easy...

Originally Posted by Renu1999

thank you so much for your reply ladies.Let me tell you in 2 weeks how everything goes. My kid is now sleeping and I feel like crying as I am with him for a long time and it is the first time he is being separated from me.

Hey Renu - no you arent selfish and you arent hurting your child in any way. I was in your situation 6 months back - I had been home with my DS for 18 mnths and started a part-time job, only in my case DS went to my ILs and not daycare for the morning. The first 2 weeks are the hardest but believe me it gets a lot easier after that and personally I am a much better mom after going back to work and DS is as happy as ever too.

Vanathi.

Renu,

No worries.By 22 months,the kids get bored at home.Since it is a part time job you will have time to spend with him too as well as well as you will have time for yourselves.Anyway in another 6 months you will be putting you kid in preschool,for that he can get used to it now.They also get bored seeing our faces and we will also get irritated sometimes.Try for sometime and see how this works.If you are not satisfied you can leave at any time.

Renu,

I am a stay at home mom and went through the same emotions with my first born son. My husband insisted that I leave him for even twice a week for 2-3 hours as he saw i was unable to do anything but taking care of a naughty child. I resisted so much and finally agreed when he turned 2. I used to not bring him to the day care often giving some excuse or the other. My argument that time was I wasn't working so why can't I take care of him...

Now he's 4 and in kindergarden. I must tell you that even for him it was a welcome change to be with his age group, do things that as moms we can't do (because the daycare people are trained to engage the kids better) and his personality developed by leaps and bounds. Then in 6 months we moved to another city and i put him in 1/2 day day-care for the entire week. When he came to kindergarden he said bye to me the first day itself... now he's very social and not at all clingy.

Don't worry.. our parents generation was different. And from their thinking what they say is right. But you are doing a great help to your child by leaving him in a place where he can be nurtured well...

Latha

All have given great advice / comments here. Just one more suggestion -
Now your child is nearing 2 and he knows your importance way too well. By this time, he will have a strong bonding with you and will demand to be around you all the time.

Initially for the first 2 weeks, your child may be crying when you drop him off fearing seperation from you (you being the only face he trusted so far), he would not understand that you would come back to pick him up in few hours (even if he understands the words you tell him, still wont be convinced).

So all you have to do is to bare with his crying when you drop him off and once back home keep repeating to him something nice about playing with kids (name some boys/ girls in his day care), some exciting toys he gets to play there.. His crying will reduce and in 2 weeks he will be glad to go to school.

Here is my experience - not to scare you but to say that it wont be worse than this. Dont worry! My DS, inspite of being an active and social kid around friends coming home.. cried a lot for 10 days when he went to play school at 22 months. I felt very bad when I heard him scream for me from inside the playchool as I got into my car.. Sometimes, I stayed back (hid) outside the school's door so that if he cries too much I can go back to pick him up.. I could feel my hands shivering and my heart pounding.. I was so tempted to get him out of there but the teachers were very understanding and never complained about his crying aloud.. From behind the door I could hear them talking to him all the time as he was the newest one there and was the only one in this 'crying phase'.. they were giving him all attention and saying nice things.. They told me his crying wont last for more then 2 wks and that I should not pick him up in between just to stop him cry. He is just a little scared and will get used to it. Likewise, in 2 wks he got used to it. He also happily said 'Bye ma.' and refused to leave the school when I went to pick him up.

Hope I didnt repeat what you already know.

AD, DS is going through an intense separation anxiety phase right now after his protracted absence from school. I needed to "hear" this. I do hope DS will settle down by next week. Thank you.