Working Mom vs Homemaker Mom

Hi NewMommy

It was nice to read what you had written about how you have come across a lot of successful women who balance work and home and who have kids who are well behaved and attached to the parents. I do wonder how they do it. I guess it is like you said, "What works for your family and keeps everyone happy", and Kavya's list of suitable circumstances for dealing with a family's situation !

I liked what you said about ...'if a man can be a good dad and can balance work and home why cannot a woman?'
I guess it is possible for a man if the nature of his job allows it and if he is mentally inclined to do it. It is the same for women too. Here I think the crux of the matter is that both husband and wife take an equal interest in all matters pertaining to the family and share the responsibilities with a healthy understanding rather than each trying to take advantage of the other. In the end, if the family is happy without constant arguments and can find peace in the house they call home then it works for those committed to both work and home.

Best wishes to all.

Originally Posted by mukilganesh

Hi Kavya

Thanks for your answer. I can see that it was possible for you to balance work and home as the circumstances such as those you had listed were conducive for you. Well done, for having made use of the opportunity !

I did not have that kind of support and hence I have chosen what is best for my family in the situation. As I cannot expect any help from my husband(doctor) due to his work schedule, I am on my own when it comes to looking after my son. As he is away most of the time, my being there for my son has definitely given him a sense of security. I am happy that I chose my son over career as I do not think I would have been happy even if I had had a successful career and if my son hadn't grown up to be what he is today which I feel was because of my input.

I did try to look for a job which would be part time and around school timings but never found one, as an interior designer has work commitments that are not very flexible. There are project deadlines and site visits and commitments which would have made it impossible to balance work and home. I also couldn't have handled the guilt part if my family suffered in any way because I wanted to progress in my career.

But the reason why I started this thread was because I had never come across anyone who had successfully managed to do justice to both family(with kids) and career and be happy in the bargain.

It is nice to know that it is possible for some women.

Good luck !

Hi Mukilganesh,

Wonderful thread! Through your thread am able to know the life experiences of some wonderful ILS who are stay at home moms after kids and career woman before.I appreciate the decision you have made in the best interest of your child and family.Good Luck!

Infact i posted a similar post(could not post a poll) in the weekly poll section couple of weeks back to know the positives and negatives of both working and non working womens lives...i got some responses too..here is the thread for your reference
Happiness Poll:Working women families India/USA Vs Non Contributing Wives Families

Regards,
ManuuRaghuu

Hi Manu

Thank you. Will check out your reference for the weekly poll section.

Hi All,
Great to hear about your decisions and experiences. I have a 6 month old son and currently in maternity leave and have to join work next month. So I was thinking how it is going to be when I go back to work. For the past 3 months my son is with me alone during the day time and most of the week days so I was thinking how he'll take the change. When I was pregnant I felt like resigning my job and take care of the baby all by myself.But this past 3 months had made me think that I should go back to my job so that I'll have some thing to do for myself. So I've decided I'll go back to work and see how it goes, before I decide anything. And it was very helpful to read all your posts about this.

Thank You.

Regards,
Ajitha Dhinakar

I am not a mom yet, so cannot comment on how I would possibly react when I have children but if I take anything after my mom, I would work. Both my parents worked hard to give me and my brother everything we needed and we were never short on love or quality time. It's because of her I grew up to be a strong independent woman.. you can always balance thigns in your life.. its whether you want to do it or not..

It is very hard to bounce back into your career after you have given up for several years.. unless you were in school to get a higher degree or some sort.. and the way I see it, i would want my child to grow up knowing that his/her parents work hard and learn to become responsible.. ánd with babysitters.. its all a matter of preference..

Hi Mrs V
It was interesting to read your opinion on the subject. You must have super parents (especially super Mom) if she managed both family and career and was happy at the end of the day. Wow ! Hats off to her! Maybe she had a good support system and trustworthy people with whom she could leave her children. I honestly cannot leave my son with anyone except my parents or in-laws. And they have a life of their own, so it is not fair in getting them to do your job unless they really want to and are retired as well. And after hearing horror stories about baby sitters and child minders... no way. But then that is just my opinion.

I admit it is hard work to get back into our career after a few years, but if you believe in yourself, then it is definitely possible. Where there is a will there is a way !

I wanted to know others opinions on the matter as I havn't as yet met anyone who could balance it well and be happy that they have done justice to both. Is going to work worth more than spending those special initial foundation years with your child ?

Where there is a will there is a way !

I'm going to quote your own wordings and say if there is a will there is a way so people can manage both work and family because they have a will they find a way.

I havn't as yet met anyone who could balance it well and be happy that they have done justice to both. Is going to work worth more than spending those special initial foundation years with your child ?

So what kind of information your looking from other people ?
How many working women you have met so far ?

I have a feeling that you should have surely met people who can balance both but the problem is from your point of view they did'nt look like they can balance both.

Home maker and working women manage life differently.Both are different ball game.So there is no use in comparing working women vs Homemaker mom .
If you want to learn how to manage then please start thread asking how people manage.

I honestly cannot leave my son with anyone except my parents or in-laws. And they have a life of their own, so it is not fair in getting them to do your job unless they really want to and are retired as well. And after hearing horror stories about baby sitters and child minders... no way. But then that is just my opinion

So your son goes to school right ?He is not homeschooling.Is the fact true that he is being taken care of somebody other than you/your parents/your inlaws.What is a difference between a teacher and a babysitter.

Sometimes its very hard to accept that some are more effecient than us.Each family has a need that has to met.So as a women lets support each other and if a women has a need to work so let a homemaker help the women by taking care of her kids.The same way if a working mom had money let her help a homemaker by helping her financially.As WOMEN LETS SUPPORT EACH OTHER WHATEVER CHOICES WE MAKE FOR OUR OWN LIVING.

In one of your other threads you stated that your worried about going to scan with a men radioligist.If all women after having kids stay at home then do you think there will be enough women gynces and technicians out there to treat people like you who need women to work because your uncomfortable with men.

Wishing you a luck so you can meet a women who can manage both

Thanks
Mangai

Mangai
Your response was interesting ! I can see from your reply that I need to clarify a few things.

As IL seemed to be a nice forum for Indian women to exchange and discuss ideas/issues I thought I would put forth the topic about women working/not working so I would get to know more about how women feel or quote their experiences. I don't mean to offend anyone by giving my opinions as that is what this forum is all about where you share your thoughts. As most of the women in this forum seemed like women with young children, and as I have a young child, I have written in the context of young moms with young kids doing justice to both home/career. But from your reply, I can see otherwise.

To clarify:
'Sometimes its very hard to accept that some are more effecient than us.' - Mangai
I am in no way finding it hard to accept that people are 'more efficient' than me. I accept that people can do things better than me. I am confident about myself and in fact I am quite happy with the choices that I made and have absolutely no complaints. I am very contented with the way things are with me. As you would have read from what I have written above, I know that I will work when the time is right for me and my family, so

Maybe I should have clarified that I would like to know how women could leave their babies and toddlers behind and go to work without feelings of guilt(as you have experienced when your daughter had fever and you had to go to work)-I hope and pray that she is fine now. I am not accusing or finding fault with anyone, as I merely wanted to know how it was possible for a mother to do it, as I am in a similar boat. And which is why I took a decision to be there for my child and do my best for him.


'How many working women you have met so far ?' - Mangai
I have met enough to bring about this discussion and yes the ones I have met feel that they are not doing justice to both.

'So your son goes to school right ?He is not homeschooling.Is the fact true that he is being taken care of somebody other than you/your parents/your inlaws.What is a difference between a teacher and a babysitter.' - Mangai
Yes he does go to school, thank you. The difference for me is - a babysitter is alone at home with your child, while a teacher is at school with a whole class of children.

'In one of your other threads you stated that your worried about going to scan with a men radioligist.If all women after having kids stay at home then do you think there will be enough women gynces and technicians out there to treat people like you who need women to work because your uncomfortable with men.'- Mangai
I don't see the point of bringing that issue in here but here is the explanation any way. I was anxious and was looking for advice from other women. I thought that is what women are doing in this forum, asking for advice. And I am sure there are other women who are uncomfortable about male doctors examining them.

'If you want to learn how to manage then please start thread asking how people manage.' - Mangai
I don't want to 'learn' how to manage, I want to know how others manage. I am quite happy with the title as it has managed to bring out a 'nice' response from you. Thank you, I do appreciate it.

'Each family has a need that has to met.WOMEN LETS SUPPORT EACH OTHER WHATEVER CHOICES WE MAKE FOR OUR OWN LIVING.' - Mangai
I perfectly second that.

'Wishing you a luck so you can meet a women who can manage both' - Mangai
Thank you, I think I have already met one.

By the way I don't know why I seem to have rubbed you the wrong way, as you have advised other women so politely.

Thanks for your concern.My daughter is fine.

I did'nt write to offend you.I wanted to express my thoughts about working women in general.If I have offended you in anyway I'm sorry.
I'm not going to discuss about guilt in this thread because I know where the thread will land finally.Just wanted to give my opinion from working womens point of view.


Thanks
Mangai

Hello Ladies

I think I need to clarify a few things.

I am not against women working at all. I am for women working if they can manage to do justice to home and work and are happy and at peace at the end of the day.

This is the first forum(and only) I have actually registered because I always thought that forums were a waste of time and I could do something useful in the meantime. But I came across Indus Ladies by chance and felt it was a genuine forum where Indian women could share thoughts and ideas and discuss issues in a peaceful way.