Have others felt this way?

Dear CarpeDiem and my “mommy” friends here,

I totally agree with the views expressed in all the FBs. Ultimately the child will feel attached to you no matter what. I guess you are already at peace after reading all the FBs. So I have nothing more to add on that front.

I did want to mention one thing from my own experience. It may not be applicable exactly at this stage of your baby since she is very small. But it will start mattering as she starts understanding more (1 year and beyond).

The kind of time you spend with your kid has a significant impact in the child’s bonding with you. Especially, when you are working and out the whole day. I realized this after a couple years of my first one that I was busy “taking care of him” most of the time (giving him a bath, giving him a massage, cooking, feeding etc). I wasn’t really giving him much exposure to the fun and interesting side of mommy. Mommy was always doing stuff for him but not having enough fun with him.

I changed that once I saw that he used to look up more to other family members (Dad, grandparents etc.) for the fun part. I started spending my few hours in the evening providing him with that fun and cool side of me. After getting home from work I first started doing things with him that he enjoyed doing. The rest of the time I would spend doing the chores related to him. I cannot tell you what a huge difference that made in our bonding.

As mommies we are naturally the primary care taker of the child, which is fine. But sometimes the mommy duties coupled with a full time job leave us with little room to even think about anything else. As your little one grows up and grand parents help is no longer there, do give a lot of importance to this aspect. In my experience it makes a big difference in your understanding of the child and his understanding about you as well as your bonding with each other.

As for me, with the second one I got smarter in the beginning itself! J

SS

Thanks SS. Very well said! My daughter is just 10 months old but I think she already knows what gets her interested. The past month or so, before I get started on my Mommy duties after returning from work, I have been entertaining her and bonding with her and it sure is such a delight to see her giggling and cracking up.

This is such a cute stage and I fear that she is growing up too quickly (I know all moms feel this way) :) I wait for weekends where I have her all to myself (can't believe how possessive I am of her already!). I was just thinking to myself the other day how I would not want my daughter to get married and would want her to live with me all her life :) and then thought to myself how selfless our mothers were to "give" us away in marriage :)) Motherhood has made me value my mom even more!

Hey Carpe Diem,
You raise a valid question that bugs all of us at some point or the other. Here is my 2 cents and actually a nanny told me this saying. When your child gets attached to another adult do not think that he takes away his love from his parents ( mom/dad) ..but think of it this way... "There is one more person in this world the child has to love" and trust me love is not rationed from a child. The more adults that love and care for the child the more love the child gives back. I have seen differences in kids who were sheltered by their moms ( even some time not going to their own dad or grandparents) and they always are reluctant to explore the world and share their experiences. You can always educate your child in Math/science/tennis or whatever class you have but social skills are taught only by family interaction. If you let your child be a comfortable social interactor at this stage ( ie kid can develop a relationship with more than parents) you are teaching them an invaluable lessons. We have lost this feeling in nucluer society. In the older days a joint family brought up a child and that was why our grandmothers had no problems having 10 or 14 children :) These days even if you dont have your family always try to build a support system be that a nanny, and friend or an office mate whom you care.
I took 6 months off from work and plan to work part for a couple of months like than will go to work full time eventually. Several years from now I do not want to regret having a career since I always envisioned I would balance work & family. It is tough but it is true to what I believe in and my family esp DH suports it. In the long run everyone is happy and there are no regrets. If you feel that spending quality time with your kid ( esp at this fun stage is important ) then do that.. you will get your career back.. it may be difficult.. but if you really want it you can work it out. Good luck !

Very valid points, dallascw! What the nanny said is so true. It makes so much sense to me. Thanks for sharing!

Hi CarpeDiem,

You kind of reflect my thoughts about a daughter. I also get such thoughts as wanting to live with my daughter for ever...and that possessive feeling! I too wait for the weekend to just cling to my daughter. The 'Quality time' with the kid is definitely more important. In fact I learnt this from my hubby. He usually entertains my daughter after he returns from work, by doing their favorite activity...watering the plants. Nowadays I join them too...and its our favorite family time.

Regards,
Hema

Hi

My mom takes care of my son (20 months )and he is very fond of her and he is very attached to my husband because he plays a lot with him. My son never used to miss me would react only as though I am a visitor to his house.

Ofcourse I used to miss him a lot and even felt bad I that he did not miss me much. He was endlessy exploring and trying to learn a lot of new things and had great liking for his friends in the neighbourhood. I was feeling guilty that whole day my mom takes care of my son and in the evening also if I dump the household work to her it is too bad so I used to do the household scores as soon as I reach home - meaning no quality time was spent with my son. For him I was another family member.

I was getting more and more worried about this attitude of my son and never realised I had to change my attitude and actions. My mom explained to me that I need to spend a lot of time with my son and things will change if I start doing it. Now I spend quality time with him, take him out for a walk, play with him and do a lot of talking and show him things that are of interest to him and now things are different and we see pictures in the books together and I tell him stories and he tries to mimic me. He is fond of me also.
Yes definitely the quality time that we spend with our kids matters a lot.

Jelaja