Is career important or planning a second child ?

Hi All,

Iam mother of 3.5 years old daughter .I quite my job to look after my daughter and right after her first birthday i was thinking of going back to work but couldnot as i don't want to leave my daughter in the daycare.

Today when i turn back and see i feel i have lost all touch with my subject .As I and my husband want to have 2 kids ('coz they both need company).Its time to plan for our second child as my first daughter is already 3.5 years.

But iam at that mode of life where iam not able to decide whether it child or the career .-Which to be opted

I will be glad to see some of your responses..

Regards
Mitra

Hi Mitra,

A very valid question, and as far as I am concerned, I think it is a very personal decision for each one of us to make. I myself was a career woman till 2 yrs. ago. I have one son, 12 yrs. old. I did not plan to have a second child, not due to career, but becoz I had a very complicated 1st delivery. And then when my son was abt. 4 yrs. old, the maternal instincts set in, and I wanted to have a second baby, but then we had other priorities, like taking care of in laws, a house to build, and to allow my BIL to settle down. All in all, we set aside our plan for a 2nd child, and carried on with life.
At times I do think, a 2nd child would have been great, sp. as company for my son. But I have no regrets, and strongly believe, whatever happens, happens for the best. My son is a happy child.

I look around and have somehow come to the conclusion, that one or two, its all the same. So its totally a very personal decision betw. u and ur hubby. Think deeply, and take a decision, and it should be one that u will never have regret for, like me!

All the best!

Hi,

Like the 2 sides of a coin, there are pros and cons for every aspect.It is indeed a personal matter to decide whether career is important or a second child depending on your family background, health matters,financial aspects etc.

I can anyhow highlight the advantages as below:

1. Undoubtedly a child having a company will have better things to share than a loner.After a certain stage, kids need kids company and they see parents only as caretakers (personal opionion)

2.The amount of reciprocation they expect from parents will never be satisfying. Like for eg, if they win in a game or want to share some happy incident they expect us to jump with joy like they do which most of the time parents cannot.

3.Kids relate themselves to their age group contemporaries than parents. A child having a sibling enjoys childhood upto the mark as otherwise.

4. A child learns to share and care where parents train to distribute everything among both.

I will also emphasise on the negative points here

1. To raise a child especially a second child can really be time consuming. A parent has to carefully balance time b/w both the kids not making the elder one feel left out.

2. Mom's health aspect. A second pregnancy and a child will bring in additional responsibilities and many changes a woman has to cope up with.

3.Finances. A careful account has to be made of the finances in terms of expenses related to pregnancy, baby's products and savings for future.

I think i made my point clear that whatever decision is taken has to be in the best interest of the first child.

HW

Thank you very much for your suggestions Happywomen and ANk.
They were really helpful to find some solution


Regards
Mitra

Hi Mitra,

ANK and HW are right; it indeed is a matter of personal choice.

Let me ask you this, are you willing to settle for a mid of the road option?

How about you evaluate the importance of a job and of a second kid in your life?

This is how I look at some of the things. Working and having a decent job is different from being career oriented. In my definition the second one is where you have a certain aspiration to fulfill from a career perspective whereas the first one is geared more towards using your time and skills the way you like them to be used without striving to reach the pinnacle of success in your career.

Is the first one something that you’d like to do? If yes, then in my opinion it is doable provided you are willing to make some adjustments on the kid front as well.

You will probably have to give up the thought of keeping your baby home for as long as you kept the first one. You will have to be prepared to leave the baby in daycare or with a nanny, preferably after the first year, for at least a few hours each day. You can try to negotiate for a work from home arrangement few hours a day. Try to stagger work timings for you and your husband. May be you can leave couple hours early in the morning and come home earlier while he leaves latter and comes home latter. This will minimize the time your kids have to be in day care.

There are ways to minimize the impact and to mitigate it. Of course, totally ideal conditions are not possible when you try to balance both work and home. But in my experience a reasonable balance can be maintained provided we prioritize what we really want. Of course, a huge amount of effort is needed as well. But that goes without saying for anything in life.

All of this is only if you think having both a job and the second kid are important to you.

If one rules over the other then none of this analysis is needed.

Good luck. I understand it is a tough decision to make and to implement.

But it seems like we are always at a crossroad in life where we have to choose which way we want to go. And with every way comes different scenery that is an integral part of the path. Once we choose our path, we must try to enjoy the scenery as much as we can. Wherever possible, we surely must try to change the scenery to our liking. Otherwise just try to enjoy it.

SS

HI SS,

As you said rightnow iam at a crossroad where i need to choose only one and once i choose i have to enjoy it with full heart .

Really appreciate your analysis and thanks for the reply.


Regards
Mitra

Dear Mitra

Having a second child is indeed a personal choice but as u say the first child nees company and nowadays the family structure is of nuclear type and having 2 children atleats tht way trhey have company...ofcoz we need to have a look on our finances but then i think we have to limit our luxuries and see to that we gove the children basic good education and stuff...think it over and am sure u wud b able to take a gud decision..

lov
sowmi

Thanks Sowmi for your valuable advice.

Hi Mitra,

You might have already made up your mind about this decision. But just in case you are still in the decision making process, here is some food for thought.

This link to another relevant thread may help you some more. Here it is -
Should I have an other baby????

Good luck.

SS

Here is a question from personal experience... "What if you accidently got pregnant today ?" What would your reaction be..."pleasently surprised and slowly warming up to the idea " or "Oh my God I am not ready !!".. this helped me make a decision with our first one. Early in our marriage my reaction was the latter and so we held off for some time till at one point I really did like the idea of being pregnant and having a baby and came to the former conclusion. Its personal.. do it when you are ready not because everyone around you are having babies. I have seen succesful career women with one,two and even 3 babies.. the time line to which you get to ur goals may just be shifted.