Kids and / or money?

vivbass · Apr 5, 2007

Dear all,
i want to share my thoughts,i know this'll hurt others,pls don't mind.
reg. child care.
i have so many questions in my mind.
1. why do parents leave their kids to others to take care?????
2.don't they think that their parents r getting old??? how they'll take care of such a small kids,they have energy to run behind the kids?? only they can play with kids. they can maxi tc for 1 week or so. how their health will be??
3. is it cloak room for just 10 months??
4. maid,how u can expect 3rd person to be honest to ur kid???
my friend is working in bangalore,her kid is with her parents in chennai,she'll visit her kid once in a month,if she is busy with works she can't come to chennai. then how they'll expect affection from the kids in future,she is just a visitor thatz all, for whom she is working for??? whatz the use,only money she'll get,her hubby is in well position,then y she should go for a work,if any financial probs means ,then she have to go,but...her kid willcall her grandparents as mom & dad, then kid will call her parents as uncle, aunty.
my relative is a doctor,she leaves her kid in chengalpattu,she is in chennai,very rarely she'll go & visit her kid,kid will not sleep with his mom,becoz she is a visitor,he'll cry until his grand ma or grandpa have to company him or else he'll not sleep,eat nothing,then how she can tell that he is her son???also her mother is a patient,she can't bend becoz of spinal cord probs:icon_frown:
do grandparents have any rights with the kids,no..only their duty is to take care of the kids for certain age,thatz all.
talking abt maid,how she'll take care of 3rd person kids??? this is not her kid,her kid is suffering in small hut,but this kid is enjoying with lots of toys,food whatever...parents can give more money for kids to tc ,but can a maid be affectionate with that kid??? she'll beat the kid,anything she can do,how v'll get to know?? when i was in kolkatta,my house owner have 1 servant maid,she'll come early morning do all the works till evening,only a small boy in that house,she'll sit in the AC room relax herself,cook whatever she wants,daily she'll lock the boy inside of the house & she'll stand outside of the house,becoz the boy won't eat properly or he needs something for that she'll punish him like that,the boy will get afraid & scream,she'll laugh & go inside,how the boys parents will get to know abt this??? he is very small just 2 yrs old. i can't tell this to owner,she'll tell mind ur business,so for my satisfaction i'll also go outside of the house & stand,after seeing me,then imml'y the maid will go inside. y should we left our kids to other's hand & worry??? if u give only importance to money then y u need kids??? if u r not able to show ur affections,care to ur kids,then what is the use of saving money???whom u r working for??:idontgetit:
iam sorry if i hurt anyone. iwant ur opinion abt this...
also v'll discuss abt some topics like this daily.

cheer · Apr 5, 2007

Re: Shall We Discuss

Dear Vivbass,

Great thought sharing with us, I find most of indian parients, who r not settle in abroad use to do that or just make this excuse. Even i also find strange. One of my friend she was on a maternity leave & have 2 kids & now she decided to leave them with her parients in India even though her mother is very sick still . & my friends i mean Gori's says most of asians does that. How embrassing.

Well my question to parients why do they give birth if they can't take care of them? & this only i saw with Asians, i think they take their parients granted. & when they need them they made all the excuses. Disgusting, ********.

If they can't afford, they should not give birth. Here in Canada even Parients gets money too for their kids ard $300 each kid, still they can't takecare of their kids. That's just an excuse. & the funniest part is that they collected money from govt:mrgreen: every month for childcare.

********. I hate those parients:bangcomp:

PS-Viji chg the subject to something else

sunikris · Apr 5, 2007

Taking care of kids (or) Career???

Good Discussion Viji,
I too Know about Viji's Houseowner's kid in Kolkata.
Pavam that small kid.

when Viji & myself both were in KOlakata we discussed on same topic.

I don't know why people r behind career(& ofcourse making money), & leaving kids to their parents or day care centers or care takers at home or maids.
If there is any big finacial problem,then its okay for some months.
But just for status or money, then thats not good.

How can parents run behind the small kids? in their 50th,60th age.
How can they stand & sit no.of times to take care of kids?

How the other persons(day care centers or maids) can take care of kids affectionately?

I have a sweet memories with my Mom like..after coming from school she used to feed us , give bath,asking us about school incidents & about our frnds, at the same time she observes how we were talking with frds & behaving at others.
Next home work & dinner & putting us to sleep.

Will these kids have any sweet memories & affection like this?

Cheer, as u mentioned,
this is too bad & shameful thing to take money from govt. to take care of kids, but leaving kids at their parents house in India.

P.S: This is purely for parents who r leaving kids for career & money.
P.S: working women, who r good organisers of family & kids plz excuse me,I am not mistaking u people.

Thanku
Suneeta

sunitha · Apr 5, 2007

Re: Shall We Discuss

Like you said Cheer,this happens mostly with Indians-not Asians.Even here,I have come across people who get their parents from India to come and stay here to look after their kids.One parent comes for 6 mnths,goes back,then the next parent comes for the next 6 months.Can you imagine the plight of those old people? To put it simply,we take our parents too much for granted.

When I was working in India,my MIL used to take care of my son during the day. My job was important to me because of financial reasons and so I could not quit.I was not happy leaving my son with my inlaws because firstly they are old and secondly,he fusses so much to eat food that it is difficult for them to run behind him and feed him.All of us were against putting him in daycare and so he had to be under their supervision.I can tell you that those 2 years really made me take some decisions regarding my career and my responsibility towards my son. Today,I am happy that I am there for him and can really see the changes in him too.

Whenever I hear of parents leaving their kids with their grandparents in some other place and staying somewhere else to work,it irks me,especially if they really don't need all that money for leading a life.Sometimes,I feel that mothers just give that as an excuse...'I have to work to manage the family'..is that the real reason or is it that they are lazy to take care of their own kids?

vivbass · Apr 5, 2007

Re: Shall We Discuss

s, suni u r right.
my mom was a teacher,she has to work becoz very big fl'y,so her support is important for our fl'y,but in my childhood i always thought abt my friend's life,see how they r enjoying with their parents,my friend's parents bought foods for them for lunch,but for me i have to eat from the tiffinbox,i missed my mom in so many situations like this in the evening she'll be busy with her paper corrections,have to prepare dinner,take care of rest of things,also she'll be very tired,poor mom had daily headache,body pains like that,becoz of her work,now she is suffering very much,her health has gone.
like this for many ladies,situation forced them to work. iam not blaming ladies who support her fl'y for finanicial situation,but those who r for status & for extra money is worst.:evil:

sihi · Apr 6, 2007

Re: Shall We Discuss

Dear vivibass and other friends,

You have raised a very good topic. I as a full time working woman and a mother of a young child would like to put out some of my views here.

First thing is - I work for my personal satisfaction - its not for my career nor for money and we are not financially bad. But for me, my job keeps me grounded and hence I work. Especially living here in US and not being confident in yourself, I think will make me feel too low and might even push me to depression and it might affect my kid. So to maintain my integrity and my family's happiness I work and I respect and love my job. I too sometimes feel I should just quit and stay home....esp when my kid is sick and I have to send her to daycare, but companies here understand that situation and most of the times allow us to work from home. But since I am working it does not mean I run away from my duties. Infact to put it right - its like 24hr job for me with the office work and work at home. My hubby does not help me so much with the house-hold chores. I do all the required work for my baby - like giving her a oil massage and head bath everyday even now, cooking everyday for her, and making all homemade food for her etc, packing her lunch everyday, makes sure she eats at the right times...even make an evening snack and keep it ready so that when my hubby gets her home, he can feed her.

Now coming to dropping kids at daycare or a babysitter - We don't really have an option about that. I feel sending kids at the appropriate age to proper daycare I feel is surely required. In my case I dropped my baby until she was 18months with a well known realiable babysitter and now she goes full time to a daycare and she is enjoying it and learning new things everday, which makes me feel so proud of her. But at the same time we as parents make sure that we leave the kid only the minimal time everyday...like I drop the kid late to daycare and my hubby picks her early, which might not be even possible if we both were working in India. I have worked in India too and I know how the working hours there are.
I personally feel that sending our kids to daycare, we should not runaway from our duties as parents. Like in the examples you have mentioned about leaving the kids with grandparents and not visiting them often - I totally dis-agree with that...esp if people are just doing that for making money. My mom had left my elder bro with my grandma for 4yrs too...but it was financially required. That does not mean she loved him less or me more.
I have heard of one instance where my in-laws neighbor's daughter had a kid here and she was studying her masters in US. So she left the 5month old kid at her parents place and came to US to complete her studies....that was really bad parenting I felt. How can they plan for a baby when she is not yet ready for it....the baby and the old parents has to suffer for that, while she and her hubby continued their life as though nothing had happened.

Also you guys are right in saying that for women who do both office work and managing home - their health is at a stake. My mom was a teacher too...and as vivbass said, her health is also not very good now. I think even mine will be like that when I grow old:icon_frown: . Thinking about it, I dont even get sometime on weekends to have a good nap and take some rest...I feel only time I get to relax is in office during lunch time and coffee breaks.

Regards,
Sihi